Moments that define us

Chapter Eight

Jameson

Kissing Emily was quickly becoming my favorite high. I could tell she was inexperienced in that field, but man if that didn't make it that much sweeter. She tightened her arms around my neck, and my grip in her hair tightened as well. She was overwhelming every sense I had, but one was breaking through loud and clear.

Mac and Amy were shouting and hollering "Get a room", and "Take a breath". So hesitantly I stopped kissing her, and her body slipped down mine.

She wouldn't look at me, just kept looking down. I grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at me. "Don't do that." I told her. "Don't get embarrassed. Show them their words don't bother you."

Her eyes said it all. She was just as scared as I was. Maybe for two different reasons, but man if that didn't cause an ache to form in my chest.

Slowly she nodded. "This is all just new to me." She said nervously. Didn't she know she didn't have to be nervous around me? Maybe we hadn't known each other long at all, but I wanted her to know she didn't have to be nervous.

"Okay." I stated. "Then what can I do to make you not nervous?"

"Hmm..." she tapped her fingers against that full bottom lip, and I instantly wanted to kiss her again. "Maybe let's just swim for a while. Then after maybe we can sneak off, and get to know each other a little better?"

The thought of her getting to know me better terrified me. I know I didn't give her the answers about my past she was lookin' for. Truth was, I was scared. I didn't want her to see me as a bad guy. Although I wanted her to know I was far from perfect. But getting to know her better. Man nothing sounded sweeter than learning more about this angel.

"Yeah." I rasped out. "Sounds perfect.

She smiled that beautiful smile, and it slightly eased some worry in my chest.

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Two hours later, we were all worn completely out from playing chicken, Marco pollo, and just horsing around. I was relaxed by it though. I missed being carefree. I could tell Mac was enjoying it too. He seemed to be enjoying Amy's company in a way I hadn't seen in a long while.

"Hey man, care if I take your truck? Amy has a place down the road she wants to show me." Mac had this look on his face like he was gonna get lucky.

"Man, don't hurt that girl. She's Emily's best friend." I told him. He had a knack for doing things he shouldn't. Couldn't say I blamed him though. He was just trying to find a way to live after what life put him through.

"It's not like that Jamey. She is easy to talk to is all." He looked genuine, and I knew how hard it was to open up. Maybe she would be good for him, so I tossed him my keys.

"Don't be gone too long. We can't stay out too late tonight." We had to be up at 4 the next morning to get to work.

He thanked me, told me he would be back in a couple hours or so, then Mac and Amy took off. Leaving Emily and me alone, to finally talk.

I looked over at her. She was laying out on a towel getting some sun. She had beautiful olive skin, and I could tell if she spent her summer outside, she would be dark olive by the time summer came to an end.

I walked down to the dock, and she looked over at me. Those green eyes were bright in the gleam of the sun. I knew then that green was now my favorite color.

"What is it?" She asked. "Is there somethin' on my face? You keep looking at me?"

I couldn't help, but laugh at that. I shook my head. "No Emily. You're perfect. I was just thinkin' how green is my new favorite color."

I loved that blush that crept up her delicate neck. "Oh yeah? And what was your favorite color before?"

That question. So innocent, but felt like a punch in my gut. I looked over at the water to clear my racing thoughts. This isn't what I wanted. I knew we needed to be honest. But wasn't some honesty overrated, if it hurt too bad?

She must've noticed my internal battle, because I heard her sigh. I looked back over at her and she had a sad smile on her face. I hated that I put that smile on that perfect face. I wanted all her happy.

She cleared her throat, and asked a question that made a genuine smile form on my lips. "So what's the story on that belt buckle?" If she didn't know it, I was thankful for the out she gave me. I knew I needed to give her the hard stuff too. But maybe I could wait it out. Maybe she would let it all go. Or maybe I was foolin' myself.

I went to sit down beside her. Looking out at the water, I gave her an honest answer to at least one question. "Growin' up my pap had me ridin' horses, and competing by the time I was six. I loved it. When I got to high school though, I had moved on to bull ridin'. Won a couple buckles at local competitions. Loved it. But some things don't last forever. I gave all that up for trade school, and a life out on the road."

"Do you regret it?" Her voice was small, like she was walkin' on eggshells, and I hated that I made her feel like she couldn't question me.

I scratched at my jaw, and blew out a breathe. "Do I regret it?" I questioned back. What a loaded question that was. One I rarely let myself think about. "If I did things differently, it wouldn't have lead me to this moment with you. That's not somethin' I would change."

She couldn't contain her smile at my confession. I loved that smile. "I think you ridin' bulls is somethin' I would have loved to have seen." She got this faraway look, like maybe she was tryin' to picture it. "Okay, what's somethin' you wanna know about me?" This girl. Didn't she know I wanted to know all of her.

"I wanna know what you want outta life?" I paused for a minute. "I wanna know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, so I never have to see your sadness. I wanna know every single thing about you Emily. Because the truth is in just the few times I have been around you, I can tell you're the most selfless person, you're smart, beautiful, innocent. So I want all your moments. Every. Single. Detail."

Emily told me about how she wants to get married and have a house full of kids one day. How even though she didn't wanna be a nurse, she loves that she gets to be around kids. How she loves church, and the love she has for Jesus that her parents instilled in her. She told me about how it's okay to be sad sometimes cause it just means we felt something so strongly.

It's crazy looking back. Knowing the moment was coming that I would be the one to make her sad, that at one moment she felt sad because she felt so strongly in her love for me, that it shattered her heart. But sometimes God leads us through storms to make us stronger. I would grow to wonder when I caused destruction in Emily's life, if that's what God was doing. Trying to make us stronger.