Moments that define us

Chapter Twenty Four

Jameson

It's now mid November. There's a message that sits dormant in a string of messages from Emily that I have yet to respond to. The truth is I don't know how. I miss her like crazy, but don't I owe it to my son to try and make things work with his momma?

Mac is drivin' the truck and we are headed to work on some downed power lines. He talks about Amy everyday. I'm happy they are makin' it work. Happiness looks good on him.

He glances at me then looks back towards the road. "Jameson, man you need to call her, go see her, or somethin'." I start to protest, but he cuts me off. "I'm serious man! Amy said she's not doin' good at all. She didn't want me to say anything to you, but Amy said she cries herself to sleep, she's stopped goin' to church again. She avoids Amy, and her parents. You need to talk to her." He's stern, and I haven't heard him ever use this tone with me.

I'm shocked for a minute by his outburst, but the anger inside me surfaces. "What would you want me to do Mac? Leave my family and go back to her? She was just a summer fling. She will get over me soon enough!"

"Yeah Jameson keep tellin' yourself it was a fling man, keep lyin' to yourself. I'm not sayin' to leave that little boy, but Mandy isn't the little girl who we chased around as kids. She is manipulative and only cares about herself. She is playin' you man!"

"Enough!" I yell. I can't take this anymore. "Just drop it."

We get to work and then head back to my truck. I go to reach for the door. "Look man I'm sorry. I just want the best for you and we both know that's not Mandy."

I don't say anything just get out and get in my truck. I pull Emily's name up in my phone and hit call before I can think better of it.

She answers on the second ring. Like she had been sittin' and waitin' on my call. "Jameson." She breathes my name, and it kills me, because I can tell she's been cryin'. "Please come home. I know she's there and I know you still love her, but I need to talk to you in person." She's full blown sobbing into the phone now, and I hate that I can't change this.

"I'm sorry baby." I whisper. Then I hang up the phone.

I drive to maw's house completely zoned out. My heart is barely beating'. But how do I get the girl I love when my son deserves both parents.

I pull into the driveway and make my way inside. Maw is cookin' supper in the kitchen. I grab a bottle of water and sit at the table. Maw looks over at me with a sincere look on her face.

"How long are you plannin' on doing this to yourself Jameson?" I look up at her, shocked splayin' on my face. "I'm so happy to have that little boy. He couldn't have a better dad, but sugar please understand you have to stop beatin' yourself up over Mandy. She isn't your responsibility. You should be happy."

"What I want no longer matters maw, and I won't be like my parents. He's gonna know what it's like to have a dad."

"Now Jameson Cole, I'm not sayin' to ever leave Beckham. Lord knows he got all of your amazin' qualities. But if he grows up with you bein' miserable then he's not gonna know what happiness looks like comin' from you." With that she goes back to the stove to finish preparing supper.

Twenty minutes later Mandy and Beckham walk into the house. She places a kiss on my cheek. "Hey babe. I missed you today."

I glance at her, and she's got ten shopping bags in her hands. "What all did you buy?" I immediately regret givin' her my card.

"We'll all this is mine." She winks then sets nine of the bags away. "And this is for Beckham. I got him a pair of shoes, and an outfit."

I gave her my card to help with anything Beckham needs. I should've known she was gonna use it more for herself. Maw makes a hummin' noise, and I know it's her way of tellin' me she's right about my happiness.

I walk over to Beckham and pick him up, then we make our way to the barn. It's our nightly routine. He helps me brush the horses and feed them. It's also where I feel Emily. For a minute while we are brushin' Lady, our American quarter horse, I think about her. I think about our ride on Millie and how much life felt right in the summer in the hills of eastern Kentucky.

Then I look over at Beckham and shake my head. Either way you look at it. This is where I'm supposed to be.