Moments that define us

Chapter Ten

Jameson

We sat on my unmade bed for the longest time after I poured my battered heart out to her. Emily had her head on my chest, and we were tangled up together. Neither of us spoke another word, just let all that had been said soak into the air, and land where it may. Oddly enough though, it felt like a slight weight had been lifted off of my chest.

I had been holding all this in for the past two years. Mac knew not to ask, and Maw had only brought Mandy up once in conversation since. It was a month after she shattered my barely beating heart, to tell me Mandy had moved away. I didn't know where she was these days, and that was a miracle and a burden. I constantly worried that her life was still off the tracks. Overtime though, I had learned to bury that feeling away.  That was until a certain emerald eyed girl came into my life.

Now this angel wrapped in my arms was slowly putting my heart back together, like it was a delicate prized possession. It's crazy how just a moment with this girl can heal something so broken inside of me. I still worried my life was an unnecessary burden to be placed on her. I looked around us at the mess, and instantly felt ashamed. I was trying to drown my worries instead of facing them head on. I got a feeling Emily faced everything thrown at her with a sweet little smile, and her prayers.

Man I knew how important church was to her. I found out a couple weeks ago she taught children's church every now and then, and also sat and talked to the old women who had lost their husbands. Said she wanted to make them feel like they were still cared for. I knew she was better than me. I just didn't know if I could let a girl like her go, even if I did try.

I didn't know what I did right in my life for God to think I was enough for Emily. Maybe he knew that the first girl I loved had put me through so much turmoil, and knew I would need a living, breathing angel. You couldn't convince me that Emmalynn Rose was anything other than an angel sent to this earth by God.  I hoped he sent her for me to keep forever.

I was torn in my feelings though. Between a past that haunted me, and a future I could see with this girl. That future while it looked amazing, scared me. Even though I knew Emily was heaven sent, my first go around with love left me a shell of a man. What would happen if my heart got ripped out a second time? But worse, what would happen if I broke the only light that was shining in my life.

I began to hear soft little snore's, and looked down at Emily with her eyes closed, mouth partly agape, and such a serene look in her face. I hated that she probably wasn't getting enough sleep because I hadn't been talking to her, but I loved that she could finally relax enough to fall asleep in my arms. I gently laid her down in my bed, then got to work picking up my clothes, and throwing away the beer cans. After that I got clothes out and went to take a much needed shower.

When I got out, I dressed in my faded jeans, and a black t-shirt. I came out of the bathroom still running my towel over my wild hair. I needed a cut. It was shaved on the sides and longer on the top, and I normally just ran my fingers through it a few dozen times. I looked over to see Emily still asleep. I went over to her and gently placed a kiss to her forehead.

She slowly opened her eyes, and looked up at me. "Why did you let me sleep? I'm so sorry. I ruined our talk."

"You couldn't ruin anything Emily." I blew out a breath. "Im sorry I pushed you away."

She grabbed my hand, and kissed my knuckles like I had done to hers. "Thank you for letting me in." She paused for a moment, and I thought about how much more I wanted to let her in. I wanted her to know every single thing about me. In that moment I wasn't scared for her to know me. I also wanted to be a better man for this girl, but also better than the man my past turned me into. I wanted Emily to have all me at my best, not just the wrecked man I had been. "I know I that wasn't easy, but it means so much to me." She then looked into my eyes and what she said did something to my chest that made it feel like a piece was being glued back in place. "Also, since it's my choice. I choose to stay."

I couldn't help my self, I sat down and pulled her into my lap, and kissed her like I had been in a desert, and she was the purest, freshest water. She made a little noise that had my heart racing. I went to pull her even closer, but she put her hands on my chest and lightly pushed me back. "I'm sorry for going too fast." I told her. Truth was, I felt like I couldn't get where I wanted fast enough. But for this girl I would wait.

She looked down at my hands that had her dress bunched up around her thighs. She was quiet for a moment, and I honestly didn't know what to expect. "I like you so much Jameson. So much that it both thrills and scares me. I also know you're 7 years older than me, with plenty more life experience. I guess what I'm tryin' to say is that I wanna wait. I always thought I would be married first. Plus you just poured your heart out. I will kiss you all day, but I think slow is what I need."

Her delicate little hands were trembling by the time she was done. I pulled them into mine, and thought about what she had just said. The truth was I had never even thought of waiting. I didn't know if I could do that. But for her I would. Because if she could hold onto me after I told her of my destruction. When I clearly still cared for another girl, then I could wait as long as she needed. I cupped her face in one hand and gently grazed my thumb against her cheek bone. "I will wait as long as you need me to."