Moments that define us

Chapter Fifteen

Emily

    Was it considered wrong to eavesdrop if the conversation was about you? Well, if you asked me at that moment, I would have said "No". I couldn't help but to listen to what my daddy was tellin' Jameson about me. Daddy knew I loved flowers, but chances are if you brought them to me while I was mad, I would toss them. Sounds bad, I know. But listen, when Jeremy and I split up, he wasn't very nice about it. Then he turned around and tried givin' them to me to  keep me quiet. He didn't want people to think he was a jerk. Well, I threw them back in his face. Ultimately, I forgave him, but haven't talked to him in a long while, even though he still goes to the same church, but these days his sights are on Hannah Mcclain. Granted, his sights were on her back when we dated too.

    Anyway, back to what I was sayin'. Eavesdropping. It was about me, and truth be told I wanted to hear what Jameson said to daddy. Momma snuck up behind me, getting real close. I put my pointer finger up to my lips to silence her, so we could listen.

   Jameson was quiet for a moment, and I was startin' to think he wasn't going to reply. I was fixin' to just walk back to the kitchen when I heard him finally speak. "I love your daughter sir. She's beautiful and smart. I don't think the sun shines as bright as she does. I promise I will do my best to not hurt her."

  My breath caught in my throat. I stood there for a minute frozen in place, until momma nudged my arm. "Emmalynn, I think he really does love you." She whispered in my ear. "Follow me to the kitchen so we can talk."

   I slowly followed her, wanting to finish hearing what the men were sayin', but also knowing I had heard enough. I walked into the kitchen, and went to sit down, while momma checked the pot roast. I kind of didn't even want to know what she was goin' to say. I knew everything positive always came with constructive criticism. She finally came over and took the seat next to mine, and grabbed my hand.

  "Like I said Emily, I can tell he loves you. It's in the way he looks at you, and he has a protective stance whenever he is near you. But if I'm bein' honest he still has some proving to do for me."

   "What does he need to prove momma?"

   "That he won't hurt you honey. He has a haunted look in his eyes, and if I'm honest, it almost looks like regret." She was quiet for a minute, and I just sat there playing with the sash of my sundress. "He looks like he is split in half between wantin' you, and maybe someone else. Now tell me if I'm wrong. Tell me he only loves you."

   I couldn't do that though, and she knew it too. My silence said everything, and Jameson's past wasn't something that was up for discussion. He told me that from a almost desperate place. I wouldn't hurt him by gossiping about it.

   Momma grabbed my hand and lightly squeezed it. "Honey, I only want the best for you. Please understand that." She had a pleading look in her eyes, and I wasn't gonna fight her on this.

    I told her "Okay", and went about helping her prepare the sides for lunch. Thirty minutes later the men were walkin' back in the house, and momma and I were preparing plates.

     Jameson walked over to me, and kissed my forehead. I relished in his brief touch. I honestly felt like after the conversation with momma, I needed the reassurance that he was still here.

   The men were seated, and plates were served. Daddy said a prayer, and we dug in. Jameson went on about how amazing the food was, and daddy kept askin' Jameson about his bull ridin', and if he would ever go back. Daddy used to like goin' to rodeos, so he was in heaven over that. I thought he was finally coming around to the idea of Jameson.

  After dinner Jameson and I cleaned up the kitchen, while momma and daddy sat on the back porch to enjoy the afternoon. When we were done, I went and changed into a pair of bell bottoms, and a white t-shirt. When I came out of my room, Jameson was lookin' at pictures of me growing up. I went and grabbed his hand to pull him with me. He gave me a slow grin, that sent goosebumps all over me.

    "You were the cutest kid Em. I love the picture of you ridin' your horse, and the one of you with a red popsicle all over your face."

  "Speaking of horses, follow me." I gave him a smile, and we took off towards the barn. Once inside I walked over to Millie, she was my appaloosa. She was around 8. She was white with black spots all over her. She was my favorite horse, and absolutely beautiful. I started brushing my fingers through her mane. "Wanna go for a ride?"

  I looked over at Jameson, and there he was staring at me like I was a priceless jewel, and he didn't know what to do with me. He looked at Millie, then back at me. "You gonna ride her with me baby?"

  What was it about that deep raspy voice that sent sparks flying all around inside of me?  "Yeah, I figured we could ride her around the farm. I didn't know if you missed ridin', and I haven't rode her since I have been home.

  He helped me saddle her, and even helped me on her, even though we both knew I could do it no problem. He climbed on behind me, and I was suddenly aware of our proximity. I closed my eyes for a minute, before we took off down one of the trails. We were quiet for a while, but I could tell my breathing was erratic, although it had nothing to do with horse ridin', and everything to do with the man sittin' behind me, holdin' onto my hips.

  "I have missed this sense of freedom." Jameson's lips were brushing against my ear as he talked. I held my breath for a minute. "But I don't think there is anything like ridin' a horse with you Emmalynn." The way he said my full first name did things to my insides, and I felt like a ball about to combust. "You're shakin' baby. Want me to take the reigns? We could ride to the creek up ahead, or back to the barn."

  I just nodded my head. I didn't think I could speak at that moment. I was scared of what I was feelin'. He took the reigns, and lead us down the trail, and over to the creek, on the far side of the farm. He got down first, then helped me down. He tied Millie up to a tree, then took my hand, and lead me over to the creek.

  He sat down on the bank and grabbed my hand, and pulled me into his lap. I was lookin' over at the creek flowin', when he grabbed my face and turned me towards him. "Em, what's wrong baby?" I just shook my head back and forth, afraid to let him know how he was gettin' to me. He gently rubbed his thumb over my cheek. "Baby look at me. Did I do somthin' wrong?"

  I shook my head again, but opened my mouth. I didn't want him to think he upset me. "It's.. I.. just don't know what you expect from me. You are more experienced than I am, and I'm not sure how to handle these feelin's you prompt in me".

   He placed his forehead on mine and I looked deep into my eyes. "We don't have to do anything baby. I know you wanna wait. I will wait as long as you need." I breathed a slight relief, but still didn't know what to do. I started squirming in his lap tryin' to get comfortable, but he placed his hand on my hip, and I was suddenly aware that he was touching my skin. "You gotta stop movin' like that though baby."

   Oh he meant.. I blushed slightly, then looked down. But then I thought better of it. "What if I want a little more?" I couldn't believe that I had just asked that.

  He looked into my eyes for a minute before lightly rubbing his thumb across my bottom lip. Then before my next breath, his lips clashed with mine. I gasped as I didn't expect that, and I felt his tongue glide against my bottom lip, where his thumb had just been. I felt his hand traveling up my shirt, and his fingers grazed over my ribs. The sensation made a noise come up my throat, and suddenly I was petrified. I hurriedly jumped back away, so overcome with all the emotions comin' out of me. I didn't regret what had just happened, but I regretted that I suddenly wanted more.