Moments that define us

Chapter Twenty

Jameson

The drive back to Emily's house was silent, but her body was shaking as tiny sobs wracked her body.

The night replaying on a reel in my read. "If you're leavin' I want you fully before you go." The look of absolute destruction in her eyes. I knew she would regret it, but I gave in anyway. I gave in and wrecked everything I was tryin' to be.  But the look in her green eyes, they called to me. I let myself give in, and gently laid her back on the blanket. She fumbled with my belt buckle with shaking hands, and I had to gently move hers. I brought her hands to my lips and gently kissed her wrist. Then I pulled her green dress off of her. She was beautiful in the filtering light of the sunset. She laid back down, and I slowly made love to a girl that didn't know what she was askin' for. She held onto me as tight as she could, and I whispered over and over again how much I loved her while lookin' into her sad eyes. Eyes that were sad because of me. Tears streamed down her beautiful face, and I leaned down to kiss them away.

Afterwards she didn't speak. Maybe she was like me and didn't know what to say. I told her I would wait until she was ready. Here and now though.. I felt like I had let her down. I knew she wanted to be married first, and I couldn't give her a set time when I would be back for her.

I pulled into her parents drive, and put the truck in park. She started wiping her eyes, but didn't say anything. The only sounds that could be heard was her harsh breathing, and the truck idling.

I wrapped my arms around her and just held onto her. She melted into me, and held on as tight as she could. "I-I'm not su-sure how to l-let you g-go." She looked at me, and I could tell her eyes were red rimmed in the soft glow of my dash lights.

I pulled her tighter into me, and kissed her forehead. "You're not lettin' me go baby. We will talk everyday. We will FaceTime and text. As soon as I find out when my job there is done, I will come back to you. I will look for a lineman job close to you."

She looked over at me, and it gutted me to see how much pain she was in. "I'm gonna hold you to that Jameson Cole." She ran her fingers through my beard and I let that feelin' sink into my memory, like a cherished prized possession.

We sat holdin' onto each other for a good while, until I needed to get back to the hotel and get ready to head where I was dreading goin' back too. I walked her to her front porch and kissed her and held her tight as I could. Emily sat on the front porch swing with tears racing down her face as she watched me drive my truck away.

The next mornin' Mac and I headed back to Alabama. Where a past that haunted the both of us lay dormant. Neither of us knew what to expect.

Mac was in bad shape just like me. He was leavin' the first girl to make his heart beat again. "Amy told me it's okay if I don't come back." His voice was calm in the cab of my truck. "I think she doesn't believe me that I want more than a summer fling with her." He shook his head and looked out of the windshield.

I had no words for him. I also didn't want to tell him about my night with Emily. That felt like somethin' for just the two of us.

I received one text from Emily on the drive. 'Please drive safe, and know I love you' was all it said. I wrote her an 'I love you' back. I didn't hear from her anymore on the trip to Mobile. I knew I had to see my maw. I missed her somethin' fierce. But I was also scared about being back home.

Life is kinda funny when you think about it. I shattered one girls heart who was as pure as honey. And I walked head first into the storm that changed all of our lives. For the better? I didn't know. But in the end I think I broke my heart even more.