Moments that define us

Chapter Twenty Two

Jameson

Everything seemed to be smooth sailin'. It was now mid September, and I was missin' Emily somethin' awful. Things were good between us though. We would FaceTime every night. Talked about everything under the sun until she fell asleep. I knew she was still hurt over me leavin' and she felt guilty for what happened between us. For the most part though, everything was calm, but there was a storm comin' in.

It was Saturday and I was off. Maw wanted me to come over for supper. I had been over a handful of times since I had been back. She liked to ask about Emily. She couldn't wait to meet this angel with emerald eyes, and a heart of gold that had pieced her grandson back together.

I had a smile on my face thinkin' about Em, and her beautiful smile. But that quickly vanished when I pulled into maw's driveway and saw a certain hazel eyed, blonde sittin' perched on maw's front porch steps. I grabbed my ball cap and went to put it on my head when my phone pinged with a text.

Emmalynn: I hope you have a great supper with your maw! Can't wait to talk to you tonight. I love you.

My heart felt like it was in my stomach and it was hard to take a breath. I put my phone on the dash and got out without replying to Emily. Mandy had a smile on her face, and for the first time ever, I felt anger rise up inside of me at the sight of her. How dare she think it's okay to show up in my life whenever she feels like it.

I walked up and leaned against the porch rail. "What are you doin' here Mandy?"

She looked taken aback by my brashness. She looked down at her hands, then slowly back up at me. "You look good Jameson."

I scoffed, and took my hat off to run my fingers through my hair. "Cut the crap Mandy. What do you want?"

Life is funny ain't it? How it changes in the blink of an eye? I honestly didn't know if I would ever see Mandy again. Truth be told before I met Emily, I would have groveled at Mandy's feet to take me back. Now I felt nothin' for this girl, who used me time and time again, and left me high and dry.

Before she even had the chance to answer my question though the front door opened and maw walked out with a little boy who had dark hair and bright gray eyes. Maw had tears in her eyes, and I knew before anyone said anything that he was mine.

My knees buckled and I fell to the porch steps. Life was flashin' before my eyes. Runnin' around in the red dirt. Being a sixteen year old kid, and in love with the girl sittin' beside me. Bein' seventeen and seein' her at the rodeo cheerin' me on. Bein' eighteen and her breakin' my heart, but also healing it. Bein' twenty six and her leavin' me. Then before I could stop it this summer flashed through my mind. Meeting Emily for the first time in the pouring rain. Swimmin' in the watering hole, ridin' horses, goin' to church, and the promise I made her.

My chest was tight, and I felt like God was laughin' at me. Why would put me through so much devastation? I know I had messed up with Em, but my promise and my intentions were true. Where did I go from here?

Mandy looked over at me with tears in her eyes. Her chin was quivering when she said "I thought you may want to get to know your son."

I looked back over at the little boy who looked so much like me. He smiled at me. "How old is he?" I whispered.

"He'll be two April 5th."

I looked back at Mandy. My anger was surfacing. "Why didn't you tell me Mandy? Did I not have a right to know about my own son?" I gritted through my teeth.

Mandy looked over at me with tears in her eyes. "I was a mess Jameson. It took that little boy to save me. I left Alabama, moved to Florida. I got help, saw a therapist. I got clean and have been since I found out I was pregnant with him." Tears were brimming in her hazel eyes. "I wanted to call you so many times, but I was scared."

"What's his name?"

"Beckham Cole Bradshaw."

I looked back over to the little boy in maw's arms. Maw had tears streaming down her face, and a look of pure happiness. She also looked sad, because she knew I had to give up one of the best things that had ever happened to me.

"Would you like to get to know your son Jamey?" Mandy asked me.

I walked over to Beckham, and smiled at him. "Do you like horses Beckham?" I asked.

His bright blue eyes landed on mine and he smiled a crooked smile, that looked so much like Mandy's. How could I be so happy and feel like my heart was going to rip outta my chest at the same time?

"Horsey!" Beckham yelled.

I smiled. "Would you like to go see the horses?"

"Yesh!" He reached his arms over and threw himself into my arms.

I walked down the steps and toward the barn. Mandy was hot on my trail as I took our son to see the horses.

"Please be careful with him Jameson. I will give you two time together, then maybe we could talk about where this leaves us."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to know this little boy. I just didn't know how to be with Mandy anymore. I left her standin' there without another word.

I didn't call Emily that night, nor did I answer when she called me. I was a coward at best. A girl like her deserved better than the likes of me.