Moments that define us

Chapter Twenty Three

Emily

Have you heard that sayin' 'if you love someone set them free, and if it's meant to be they will come back'? So have I, and let me tell you it's a hoax. It's now mid October, and everyone is excited for fall. Me? I'm stuck in a summer I can't let go of.

It's been weeks since I heard from Jameson. He messaged me a couple weeks ago, said he needed some time. That was it. He needed time. He was obviously goin' through somethin', but wouldn't tell me what. On top of that he broke his promise to me.

I was done mopping around though. I missed him like crazy. Did I still cry myself to sleep at night? Yes, the answer is yes. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go from here. I have been praying about it. I feel like God's mad at me though. He probably won't answer me. I feel like a hypocrite.

I'm sittin' on the creek bank replaying our last night together. I wonder what Jameson is doin'. If he misses me. Maybe I never meant anything to him and he lied.

Momma is worried about me. Daddy is mad at Jameson. I don't blame either of them. He seems like he was all talk now that I look back.

I gave somethin' so precious to him that I'm not gonna get back ever. At the same time though, I don't regret it. I miss him so much. That deep southern rasp, his bright blue eyes that always said more than he would. I miss the way he would kiss my wrist.

I look down and realize I'm rubbing my wrist where he always kissed it. I pull my hand away and wipe away a stray tear. Lord where do I go from here?

I hear the crunchin' of leaves and look over my shoulder. Amy walks over to me and sits down. She gives me a sidelong look then takes a deep breath. I know she's about to say somethin' that's gonna rip a piece of my heart. What's left of it anyway.

"I talked to Mac." Her voice is low, like she's scared of what she's about to say. "He said Jameson isn't doin' so good."

I look over at my best friend and attempt a smile. "Then why did he push me away?"

"You're not gonna like this Em. He's put you through a lot and I don't want to hurt you even more." I know what she's gonna say before she even says it. "Mandy showed back up. Outta the blue at his maw's house. He's been a wreck. Mac wouldn't give me all the details. He said that's for Jameson to tell you. I'm sorry girl."

I feel like I always knew it was coming back around to this. I knew deep in my heart she would be back to lay her claim on him.

I look over at Amy. I hate this for her. Her and Mac are tryin' to make distance work, while I want to be supportive of them, I can barely breathe when she talks about Jameson's best friend.

"Come on Em, your momma said she made us a peach cobbler before she left." She grabs my hand and pulls me up.

We walk to her car and drive back to my parents house. I forgot to mention, construction on mine starts next week. While I'm excited about it, I can't find it in me to care at the moment.

We get to the house and walk inside. It smells like peach cobbler and I'm instantly hit with a memory of mine and Jameson's last night together. Him feeding me peach cobbler my momma made for him.

I wipe the stray tear and walk towards the kitchen. We get two plates and scoop up some cobbler and vanilla ice cream.

Im two bites in listenin' to Amy talk about a new dance she is teachin' her kids, when I have to race to the bathroom and throw up. When I'm done I lean against the wall and look over at Amy standin' in the doorway.

She grabs a wash rag and wets it. After  she hands it to me she sits beside me. "Em when was your last period?"

I look over at her wide eyed and paranoid. "We didn't use protection. Why didn't we use protection?" Im freaking out. "Amy I haven't had a period since before he left!"
Im hyperventilating and feel like I can't catch a breath.

Amy grabs my hand. "Breathe Em. We will go get a test. And if you are we will tell Jameson."

Im shaking my head no. How could I possibly tell him when he doesn't call me? Amy helps me up and we drive to the Dollar General that's down the road. Amy decides to go in for me, and I'm thankful for that.

She comes back with five boxes of pregnancy tests. We drive back to my house in silence, and when we return I'm thankful my parents are at a church function and won't be home until late.

I take the tests and go to the bathroom. I follow the instructions. I set the test on the sink and walk out of the bathroom. Im too scared to be in there. Amy walks in my room a couple minutes later, test in hand and sits on the edge of my bed.

"You need to call him Em honey. It's positive."

My body wracks with sobs and I'm in such a state of disarray. I hand her my phone and ask her to message him for me. When she hands it back I read what she wrote.

Emily: I'm sorry to bother you. I know you are dealing with something, but I really need to talk to you when you get a chance. Preferably in person.

I sit my phone on the night stand and curl up under my sheets. I will deal with this like a big girl tomorrow. Tonight I can't though.

I wonder when Jameson is gonna write me back until I fall asleep. When I wake up in the mornin' there are no new messages. It only shows he read mine.