Moments that define us

Chapter Twenty One

Emily

Two weeks had went bye without Jameson here. It was now late August, and while everyone else was enjoying the end of their summer, I was depressed.

I cried myself to sleep every night. I was lost in a world where Jameson wasn't in it. My only saving grace was Amy. She was hurtin' too, even if she didn't admit it. In her pursuit to not get her heart broke, she pushed Mac away.

I texted Jameson everyday, but we barely talked on the phone. I knew he wanted to, but I didn't want him to know I was cryin'. Even the doctors office was hard. I faked a smile the whole time, but the kids always seemed to know I wasn't in a good place. My coworker Jenny tried to talk me into taking a week off. She said she could tell I wasn't in a good place. I didn't want that though. If I stopped, it would only be worse.

The old lady's at church asked where Jameson was the first Sunday I went that he wasn't with me. After I told them he was in Alabama workin' I went in the bathroom and cried the whole service. I felt like I had betrayed everything I held true. I was angry God sent Jameson into my life just to let him leave. I was angry I gave myself to Jameson in the most sacred way. I was angry at myself for fallin' in love with him to begin with.

After that second Sunday at church without him, I decided a break from church would be good. Momma knocked on my door every night to try and talk to me. I avoided her and daddy like the plague. I didn't want them to think bad of me. I also didn't want their forgiveness let alone God's. I wasn't worthy.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I was layin' in my bed when Jameson messaged me.

Jameson: I miss you baby.

I looked at that message for a solid ten minutes before I threw my phone at the wall. His messages came at least once a day. But he no longer tried to call me.

I turned over in bed and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up to a pounding on my bedroom door. "Go away!" I yelled. Didn't they know I needed to be alone.

The door opened and Amy walked in. I glared at her, but all she did was smile. "You're gonna get your butt outta this bed and take a shower and get ready. We are gonna go out to eat, then to a bonfire at the watering hole."

Who did she think she was? I pulled the covers up over my head and told her no. That didn't sound good to me at all.

She yanked the covers off of me. "Emily get up right now. I know you miss him! But do you honestly think your the only one who is hurtin'?"

I started cryin' even more. I hadn't told her about givin' myself to Jameson and how somethin' felt off with him leavin' me behind.

She came over and wrapped her arms around me. We stayed holdin' each other for a few minutes and when she pulled away I noticed tears in her eyes too. "I'm such a horrible friend Ams. Let me get myself together and we can grab lunch and talk."

I took a quick shower, and put on a light blue tank top, and my bell bottoms. I just braided my hair and didn't worry about makeup. When I walked out of the bathroom Amy was holdin' my phone.

"Why haven't you been messaging Jameson back Em? You haven't replied to him in two days."

"Can we wait until we are in the car to talk?"

"Yeah, okay."

We went to Arby's and got some food, then drove out to the watering hole. We silently ate our food. Once we were done, Amy looked over at me.

I sighed. "I don't know what to say to him Amy. My heart is breakin'. He has a past there, and I'm so scared of him leavin' me for good.  I slept with him Amy. I guess I was tryin' to fool myself into believin' he would want to be to with me. I'm such an idiot."

She reached over and rubbed my arm for a minute. "You're not an idiot Em. You love him. Sometimes we do things we shouldn't when we love someone. But girl message him back at least. Don't mope around. You were talkin' not long ago about building a house on your parents land. If that's what you want then do that. Do somethin' to get your mind off him bein' gone. Also for what it's worth, we all miss seein' your face at church."

We both chuckled a little, and spent the rest of the afternoon at the bonfire. Eating s'mores, tellin' stories, listenin' to nineties country music, and we laughed. It felt good to laugh again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got home that night I decided to FaceTime Jameson. It rang three times before he answered. "Hey baby." He drawled. That southern rasp was deeper tonight, and I wondered what he had been doin' since he got there.

"Hey." My voice was small and I knew he could hear the strain in my voice.

"Em please baby talk to me. You have been ghostin' me since I left and I miss you like mad." Do you notice the tears in his eyes too?

I wiped away a tear and looked up at the ceiling before lookin' back at him. He took his blue ball cap off and ran his fingers through his dark hair. "I'm sorry." I told him. "I've been so lost without you here."

Pain flashed across his face. I knew he was hurtin' too. "I miss you so doggone  much baby. I'm hoping after I finish this job out I can come back to you."

I knew he wanted that. I wanted it too. I smiled at him. "I decided to get plans together for the house I want build. Amy and I talked tonight. She misses Mac."

"He's lost without her Em. I don't think I have ever seen him this bad."

"I will see if I can get her to call him."

We talked about what I wanted the house to look like. I wanted a four bedroom white farmhouse styled home with a wraparound porch.

We talked about his Maw and how she was excited to have him back home. He told me she couldn't wait to meet me. That made me smile.

When we got off the phone that night I felt lighter than I had in weeks. I knew he missed me too. I knew he loved me.

The thing about love though. It isn't always strong enough to weather all storms. Jameson and I met in a storm, and what were the odds that a storm would take us out, destroying all the good in its path.