Hold on, don't you let go. (Tayvin/Talvin)

Lost in Spirals

I honestly don’t know what the heck Calvin was thinking, but he just made my life that one bit more miserable, and confusing. Its like this hole that keeps spiralling down and anyone that tries to help just makes it worse, I don’t know what to do anymore, I keep trying to climb out but something keeps pulling me down, it’s almost like something wants me to be unhappy. Ed said I should go see a councillor, I’m not sick. I’m just sad. 

After the incident with Calvin, I called Ed, and of course when you hear your best friend hyperventilating and not making any sense, it’s going to worry you he insisted he come over to my house. It’s been almost an hour, I’ve calmed down for the most part, I put in my earphones to drown out all the voices in my head, the ones I just can’t remove, the terrible ones. 

How unfair, it's just our luck

Found something real that's out of touch

But if you'd searched the whole wide world

Would you dare to let it go?

'Cause what about, what about angels?

They will come, they will go, make us special

Don't give me up

Don't give... me up

Birdy is exactly right, don’t give me up, don’t leave me here, come save me just like you used to, Superman. 

My thoughts are interrupted by Ed literally bashing the door down; “TAYLOR, ARE YOU OKAY.” 

He came in screaming, looking around miserably till he found me sitting on the couch, drowning in tears. He scooped me up in his arms and held me tight till my heart no longer ached for Adam, till the scars are almost unrecognisable. He he lay there resting his head against mine, while stroking my back, no one made me feel this safe, Ed’s pretty good at making people happy.

Taylor: he…said he was Adam….Ed….he said he was Adam….they told me he was gone….Ed…I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do….help me. 

My tears soaked his shirt, mascara poured out, leaving black lines running down my face. Somehow this is how I manage things, cry and cry an cry, then stop crying, get up and suck it up and continue with my life, that’s how I was taught, as least my councillor told me, she was also the one who told me Adam didn’t care about me anymore, I believed her, to be honest I still do. 

Ed: taylor, I can’t tell you who to believe that’s up to you, I wish I could help you, but this decision is only yours. 

I don’t have the slightest clue what ever as to what I’m going to do, the only sure thing I’ve known for the past sixteen years is that a friendship so wonderful can be broken so easily, the fragile pieces I was left to pick up, not once did he come and help me out of my misery. He had it easy watching from the sidelines, I’m sure he found it rather amusing when I made a fool of myself at the Brits, how I fell for his stupid act , Calvin Harris. But the other half of me is stuck in a pool of confusion, in a way I felt the urge to catapult into his arms, and never let go. A feeling so simple but so impossibly hard to find right now amongst the hectic life I live. 

One question, runs over and over in my mind. 

Who Is telling the truth? 

FLASHBACK

Amy walks in, I prepare myself for another lecture. I am frightened to my bones of her, she’s so tall, her shadow is almost twice the size of her. For the past six months she’s kept me in here, a small confined room with just a bed and a small window, the door always remained locked. Sometimes I pound against the door endlessly trying to get her attention, she always says I am selfish and overreact. I cry myself to sleep almost every night, thinking of my wonderful life before all this, my mom and dad, my brother, Adam. It seems so far away, from this lonely place, my wishes are to just spend one day, one day outside with them, and not stuck in this cage, it’s so dark and gloomy here, no one comes to say hello, no one says they love me, I’m not even allowed to go outside the door. I don’t know what lies beyond that door, which is closed shut with a huge lock. At this point I have given up, i just need some from of my old life back, I wish so desperately for someone to come save me, please…..i can’t take this anymore. 

She towered over me, her hands sat on her hips, I leaned back turning my head away from her, there’s no doubt that she could hurt me, she has the power to, at this point I don’t know what’s stopping her from, it couldn’t be any worse, it’s already terrible. 

Amy: Have you come up with a correct answer this time?

I gulped, my mind goes to a blank and I can’t function a single word all that comes out of my mouth is; please let me see adam. 

Amy’s face filled with rage and terror, as she pulled her hand back and smashed it across my face, the impact ringed across my face leaving a bright red mark, I covered it with my hand and being to sob silently. 

Amy: I HAVE ALREADY TOLD HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU TAYLOR, HE NEVER HAS. OKAY, ADAM THIS ADAM THAT, THAT’S ALL YOU CAN THINK OF HUH, WELL HE’S GONE TAYLOR AND HE’S NEVER COMING BACK, NOW UNTIL YOU CAN GIVE ME THE CORRECT ANSWER YOU’RE NOT EATING. AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT SEEING YOUR FAMILY.

She stormed out and left my delicate body on the bed. I cried my heart out onto my pillow, she doesn’t understand me like he does, I bet if he were here, he’d find a away to soothe my pain, but he’s not…he’s gone….and he’s never coming back. 

Her words echo in my mind, my beloved best friend, Adam. I just wish there was something I could’ve said to him. One last minute, One last word, I would do anything to see his green eyes flutter again, or see that sparkling smile, or hear him say; “Hi Taylor!” or “I miss you.” 

I guess I’ll never have that chance.

Fly, fly fly away superman, it’s not safe for you here. I’ll miss you, and I’ll love you forever. 

A/N 

100 READS!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I CAN’T BELIEVE SO MANY PEOPLE READ THIS, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! THE NEXT CHAPTER IS LIKE PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE, THERE ARE SOME OTHER ONES LATER IN THE BOOK BUT THE NEXT ONE IS THE FIRST BIG LIKE TALVIN THING. 

I think I just spoiled the next chapter whoops. ;) 

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