Hold on, don't you let go. (Tayvin/Talvin)

A true, very real trooper

(sorry if this chapter is emotional, I was listening 'Ronan' while writing this...so sad...R.I.P Ronan)

What do you say to someone who has lost everything, they stood for? Imagine you've finally found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with but they were ripped away. How would you cope, would you even cope at all? 

These are the types of questions that are running through my mind, every minute of the day. 

I dried my tears and used everything in me to finish the rest of this song. I had to get everything onto paper, that's my coping mechanism. 'Come on Taylor, you can do this..just write down everything, every single little thing.' I thought to myself. I scratched that last few lyrics down on the pieces of paper and grabbed a guitar, each strum met a different line, I love how that works. I love that something that can be so confusing then it turns so simple in a song.I think about the Adam before the accident, and how much he would have loved this song. I thought about what Ed asked me to do, he was asking me to come back to that hospital.

Everything, I have ever feared in this relationship is there in the hospital waiting for me, but sooner or later I'm going to have to face it, I can't stay locked in my room forever. That right there, is going to take so much strength to do, because anyone could let this situation get the best of them, but I'm not going to do that any longer than I already have. I had worked out the chords and the strumming pattern, it didn't take me long, considering who it is about. I was sitting on my legs in this rather large comfy sofa type thing, scrolling through Twitter on my phone, I glanced at the time on the screen, 12:13, I should probably get lunch. My phone buzzed indicating that someone was calling me. The screen was telling me that it was Ed.

"Hey Ed"

It took him a while to answer which was suspicious, for Ed especially.

Ed: Taylor..Have you looked on the internet yet?

I shook my head, knowing that this was probably some ridiculous rumour. I pulled out my computer and searched my name on google. My eyes settled on the screen.

What?

It was a picture of Harry and I at the park yesterday with the headline; 'Taylor Swift cheats on Calvin Harris with Ex-boyfriend Harry Styles.'

I looked up and closed my eyes fighting my tears, I pressed my lips together and scrunched my eyes. My lungs filled with air, it hitched in my throat and trembled out. 'Oh Adam...' What does it take for everything to come back to me? I'll do everything all over again if it means he comes back to me. I feel as though the world wants the worst for me.

"Ed..you know this isn't true, we just hung out.."

He sighed, I could imagine him pulling his hand through his ginger hair

Ed: I don't know what to say Taylor...You're suppose to be here with Calvin helping him figure everything out..don't you want that...?

I felt his coldness hit me like a wall of bricks, I suddenly realise I'm being extremely selfish towards everyone. They're all trying to help Adam get better and I'm failing to accept my own personal problems..Ed's right, I should be there.

And if it sends me crumbling into pieces, at least Adam will know I loved him, he needs to know it...I need to be the one to tell him.

I take a deep breath and grab my guitar and place it in my case

"I'm so sorry Ed."

Was all I said then I hung up, I couldn't hurt anyone else, anymore I had to do what was right and this is what is right. Sometimes you have to do something even though it's extremely painful. The demons inside you can take control of your life quicker than you can blink, so do not, whatever you do, let them have that advantage against you.