Sinful Dreams | 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗜𝗜 ✓

25: Awakening

A few weeks passed.

Jungkook and I grew closer every day, while Jimin and I grew more and more distant. We started arguing everyday. Even over the smallest things. He was just always annoyed with me, and when he started, I came back harder. It was mostly my stubbornness and his temper that kept the arguments going way to far. I even some days slept in one of the extra rooms they had. That only caused another fight. Even so, I couldn't really blame him for yelling at me. I knew I deserved it. What I didn't know, was why he was yelling and it somehow pushed me off the edge.

Eventually we broke up.

I had been up all night. My back was facing him. It was hard to look at him, knowing that I was about to possibly shatter his heart.

Even though we always yelled at each other, I still felt the love radiating from him. And it killed me. It kept me up all night. Still I hadn't said anything. I couldn't.

I don't want to lose you

But I also didn't deserve his friendship after how I had treated him... and even without him knowing...

It was nothing but selfishness.

I had been up all night running all my lines, not sure how to say it right. I was lost, trying to find what to say to him. Nothing seemed right. I had so much to lose. I didn't want to lose him.

Because, I still loved him, just not romantically. I'm not exactly sure if it ever was romantically. I haven't even admitted it to myself yet.. but all along he was just a distraction.

A distraction from thinking of Jungkook.

And for a while that worked, but not for long. I hated myself for almost playing with Jimin. I felt like trash, but a weird voice in my head kept telling me I was doing the right thing not telling him... cause I didn't want him to hurt.

He kept acting strong for me, acting like he felt no change, when I knew he did...

Lately, our relationship had been a whole act. Sleeping on our problems as if we would solve them in our dreams, but when we woke up they were still under the sheets.

It was time to end things.

I couldn't keep lying. And I couldn't keep seeing Jimin's face brighten up whenever he saw me, oblivious of how shitty of a person I was.

It's a sad excuse, but that's the gravity of liking someone... you only focus on that one person and sometimes, you end up hurting others... in this case, Jimin.

There's no more running from the truth... I have to face it.

I didn't even notice I had went to the bathroom until my eyes met my poor reflection in the mirror.

I started breathing heavily as I looked at who I had become. An orphan who's daring to break someone as kind and genuine as Jimin's heart.

And the worst thing was my thoughts

What if I lose Jimin for nothing? 
Is it worth it to leave my loving boyfriend for guy who don't even like me?