LO$ER=LO♡ER

Chapter 56

The waves quietly rushed over the shore, gliding over the sand. It's like the water was briefly embracing the sand, before returning back to the ocean. Then, it would repeat the cycle all over again. Amara was sitting in the sand, close enough to see the water come up to a certain point, but far enough away so she wouldn't get wet. She had the hoodie pulled over her head and hugged around her tightly.

"Was saying little fishies the best type of description you could come up with?"

Beomgyu's voice filtered out from the phone and into her ear. She felt a smile tug at her lips.

"Why are you judging me for saying that? That's really what it felt like!" she said, pouting in a playful way.

She heard him laugh as she said that.

"I'm not judging you. I think it's cute how you never say fish. You always say fishies," he said, a smile being heard in his voice.

Amara dragged her finger through the sand next to her. "I said fish earlier, when I explained the feeling to the others," she said softly.

She heard him go quiet on the other end for a moment. "Did you? I don't think I've ever heard you say fish. It's always been either fishies or fishie fishies," Beomgyu said, another laugh leaving his mouth.

She smiled again, giggling softly. There was a brief silence between them. It was a good silence, too. It was a comfortable one. Amara stared out at the ocean, enjoying the view of the moon reflecting on the water.

"I miss you."

Beomgyu's words surprised her, making her blink a couple of times. She remained quiet for a minute, unsure of what to say to that. She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of something.

"You don't have to say anything back. I just... I wanted to say it," Beomgyu sighed on the end.

Hearing him sigh, made her feel sad. Amara felt bad because she didn't say it. She wanted to, but... She couldn't. If she did, she'd feel like she was betraying Enhypen in a way. She'd feel like she was cheating. Even though it might be harmless.

Amara hugged her legs to her chest, staring sadly at the water. She wasn't sure what her hormones were thinking, but something about being sad she couldn't return his words, made an entire wall crumble down. A wall she didn't even know she had built up.

Tears filled her eyes. Amara sniffled and couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips. She raised her free hand, covering her face. She tried not to cry, but she couldn't control it. Her hormones had other plans. Her tears flooded down her cheeks as she began crying.

"Are you crying?" Beomgyu asked, feeling his heart break a little.

He heard her sniffle,

"No," she choked out, before crying again.

But this time, he could hear it more clearly. When he could, he frowned,

"Why are you crying?" he asked softly.

She sniffled again, wiping her tears.

"I don't know. I think it's... Because I can't say those words back to you. Even though I want to. But, I can't. It wouldn't be right of me. And being pregnant makes me a whole mess," Amara choked out, wiping some more tears away.

"I have no idea what I'm doing. This is so stressful for me. And it doesn't help that you left me alone, you asshole," she continued, crying the last sentence.

Amara burst into more tears, sobbing. She covered her face again, whimpering through her sobs.

"You have no idea the stress I'm under. I don't even know which of you is the dad! Do you know how much anxiety that causes me? No, you don't! And you don't even care! All you care about is being a dick and listening to what your stupid manager told you! If you loved me, you would've stayed and you wouldn't have left me! But, you only care about yourself! Do you have any idea how heart broken I was? No! You don't! I even had thoughts about getting an abortion! Twice! But, I didn't go through with it, because I didn't want to put my baby through that. I hate you so much and you don't even give a shit! I shouldn't have agreed to date any of you! I should've just stayed a fan who had distant fantasies!"

Beomgyu frowned as he listened to Amara go off on him. He felt his heart break even more. He heard her continue crying, sniffling every now and then.

"I'm so sorry."

"No you're not! You asshole!" Amara sobbed more, bursting into tears.

"And I packed your hoodie, without even realizing it was yours! I didn't even know until I put it on before coming outside! And it still smells like you, despite being at my house for who knows how long! I hate you so much!"

She dropped her head on to her legs, sniffling. Beomgyu listened to her cry, sighing softly. He ran a hand through his medium length hair. Out of anger towards himself, he scratched the back of his neck, ruffling up his hair. He groaned at his idiocy.

"I don't know what to do..." Amara said quietly, sniffling.

Her words got his attention.

"I don't know what I'm doing. What if I'm a terrible mom? I can barely take care of myself. How am I going to take care of a baby?" she whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You're going to be an amazing mom. You're such a strong person. I know you've got this. And I'll be there to help as much as I can. As much as Enhypen and you will allow me to be. And I'll help with whatever you need me to," Beomgyu said, his anger briefly disappearing.

She sniffled and wiped her nose, hiccuping. "You will...?"

"Of course I will. Frankly, I don't care what they say. I'm going to help you from now on. Whether they like it or not."

The rest of the camping trip was tons of fun and everyone enjoyed themselves. The boys were happy to get away for a few days. They were happy about going back home, but also sad they couldn't stay longer. The bus ride back was just full of excited chatter about how much fun they had.

They were also happy that Amara had gone with them. She made them aware of how Beomgyu wanted to help and be there for her more. They weren't happy about it at first, especially Jay. But, Jungwon told him and the others that they all need to understand and be supportive. Especially since one of the TXT members was the father of her baby. He told them they needed to be a bit nicer. Even if he didn't like the idea either, but he was supportive of Amara's decision. Which made her happy. So, the others weren't happy either, but they supported her as well. Which made her even more happy.