TIAN GUAN CI FU Fan fic stories

NEVER LET ME GO, NEVER LETTING GO

"San Lang," Xie Lian repeats, over and over again. "San Lang."

He falls deeper into Hua Cheng's arms, and he clutches onto Hua Cheng's crimson robes desperately. His face is buried in Hua Cheng's chest, as his tears, streaming down unfettered, stain the fine fabric. Not that either of them care. They are too lost in each other's arms to even consider the poor ox waiting impatiently not far from the cottage. Xie Lian doesn't think about anything else except Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng who is finally in his arms, solid and not at all translucent, and smelling of sandalwood and jasmine.

Hua Cheng's arms snake more tightly around Xie Lian's waist. And oh how he'd missed them. A year prior, it had felt as though Hua Cheng's hands belonged there — holding him steady — and for an entire year Xie Lian had gone without them. But now Hua Cheng presses him ever closer, and Xie Lian just breathes. He lets his lungs fill with the chilled night air, and the scent of Hua Cheng, and he feels somewhat at ease.

Hua Cheng's head rests atop Xie Lian's, and the two just simply hold each other. The glow of the lanterns slowly begins to fade as they climb higher and higher into the heavens — likely to announce Crimson Rain's return.

"Gege," Hua Cheng finally speaks, "I've made you wait. I'm sorry."

His voice is raw and choked with emotions he barely contains. His cheek nuzzles against Xie Lian's hair and Xie Lian can't help but finally look up. Though his eyes remain blurred from the tears that continue to fall down his flushed cheeks, Xie Lian gazes at the man he'd wait an eternity for. He tells him just as much.

"I'd wait forever for you, San Lang." There's a faint smile on Xie Lian's lips, though it is pained and bittersweet. He still feels too much, too soon, to convey.

"You waited eight hundred, what's one year?"

Xie Lian's hands climb up Hua Cheng's chest to clutch at his shoulders. He gazes at the face he'd imagined every day for that entire year.

The sharp cut of Hua Cheng's jaw. The dark obsidian eye that now looks at Xie Lian with an adoration so pure and clear not even the night sky could hide. Hua Cheng's black hair rustles slightly in the night breeze, and Xie Lian lets one of his hands tangle in it — his fingers feel the soft and silky raven strands, and it grounds him. Hua Cheng feels real in his arms.

He had dreamt of Hua Cheng many times that year. Had imagined Hua Cheng's return in daytime. And had been reminded of Hua Cheng in everything he saw.

The red leafs of the maple trees adorning Mount Taicang would make Xie Lian's heart ache as he recalled the red of Hua Cheng's robes. In those leaves he would see Hua Cheng's sleeves fluttering in the wind as he walked confidently towards Xie Lian.

With the chime of any bell, his head would turn suddenly to its direction. Hoping that it beckoned the arrival of Hua Cheng with his silver chains. It was never him.

All Xie Lian could do was believe.

He needed, desperately, to believe that Hua Cheng would return to him. Otherwise, he would be forced to consider the possibility of a future where Hua Cheng was a mere memory. A sweet and painful memory of the person who loved Xie Lian far more than Xie Lian thought he deserved. How Xie Lian had come to love him, and yet had never been able to say.

Hua Cheng had scattered into millions of scintillating butterflies, and Xie Lian still had so much he wanted to express. And yet the moment Hua Cheng was finally in his arms, all Xie Lian could do was repeat his name.

"San Lang, thank you for coming back," he finally manages to choke out as he cups Hua Cheng's face in his hands.

Hua Cheng's eye glistens under the moonlight, though he somehow manages to maintain far more composure than Xie Lian.