TIAN GUAN CI FU Fan fic stories

SOMEWHERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS WIDE NIGHT

FIRST PART : IMAGINE THE DARK HILLS I WOULD HAVE TO CROSS TO REACH YOU

Shi Qingxuan is quiet where she sits opposite him, perfectly manicured fingers tapping gently off the cardboard sides of her coffee cup. Her eyes are distant as she stares down at the plastic lid, lips pursed slightly, but she makes no move to drink it.

Xie Lian sips his hot chocolate quietly, from a cup because he's not quite as obsessed with cleanliness as she is, waiting for her to share what is on her mind. It's raining outside, he notices belatedly, the sky having changed quickly from overcast to grey and foreboding. He tilts his head, mildly bemused because of course he forgot to bring an umbrella or a coat with a hood.

"Do you ever think about him?"

His cup comes down onto his saucer with more force than he intends, clinking loudly enough that it draws the attention of the couple seated a few tables down from them. Xie Lian ignores them, instead turns to stare straight ahead at Shi Qingxuan, who looks both curious and vaguely ill.

He doesn't need to ask who she is talking about.

The question cuts through him like a blade to his stomach, and his hands tremble around the cup as he goes to pick it up again. It's too difficult, the hot liquid spilling over the edges with his movements, and he puts it back down more gently than he had earlier.

Funny how, four years after the fact, such a question can still knock him breathless.

The pain in his heart is immense, something he tries to ignore on days when he can't curl under his quilt and mope for what he's lost, a future taken away by his own stupid decisions. He has to blink rapidly to clear the tears threatening to gather in his eyes, and one look at Shi Qingxuan reminds him that she's in the same boat. Her eyes are wet, shining with unshed tears, and there's a twist to her lips that makes him think she's holding back a sob of her own.

The ring against his chest feels heavy, cold where it touches his skin.

"Everyday." He rasps, swallowing thickly, his throat aching with tears that he refuses to shed in public. "I think about him everyday."

Usually, they linger on the street outside the cafe as they say their goodbyes, Xie Lian to return to his conservation job and Shi Qingxuan to the hotel where she works as a receptionist.

Today, because of the rain, they dawdle under the awning as Xie Lian struggles to catch all of his hair, twirling it up into a low bun and tucking it beneath his woollen hat, to try and keep as much of it as dry as he can.

Shi Qingxuan offers him her umbrella, but he refuses with a pale smile.

"Don't forget next week, Xie Lian!" She says, because trapping him in a commitment is the only way to ensure he doesn't disappear again. He nods at her, smile small, and then he's off, hurrying down the street to get back inside the museum before he gets too soaked.

She follows, at a much more sedate pace. She stops only once, umbrella dripping forward into her bag, to look across the harbour at the aquarium.

The urge to go in is as strong as it was that morning, and the day before, and the day before that. She's aware that it's probably masochistic by this point to keep walking past it, banking on an impossible hope that she'd get to see him again, but still.

It's strange to look at it, to know that he's somewhere in there, so close and yet impossibly, tragically, too far.

She could do it, she thinks. Just go in, have the determination to go on a tour and make him face her. For years now she's been telling herself that it's all she needs to do, but she won't, can't do that to him.