Deepest Desires

Chapter 45 - Falling apart

At school
Brans pov
English classroom

Jackson grips onto my thigh tightly as he stares voidly at the table. Just moments ago he had been fast asleep with his head on the desk while mr morgan went over the story of Macbeth again because connor apparently hasn't been paying attention for the past two lessons and has instead been taunting oliver.

"Are you okay?" I whisper leaning closer to him, he just shakes his head softly his droopy eyes looking into mine

"I-i need to get out of here" he whispers gripping hold of my thigh tighter.

"Its okay, we can go" i reassure him holding his hand and helping him out of his chair. Mr morgan looks over to us but continues what he's doing thinking its about me.

"Are you okay, whats wrong" i ask him again as we leave the room, instead of responding he just wraps his arms around me and burries his head into my chest sighing softly

"Im going to start crying" he warns before i feel damp on my shirt from tears. I mean at least he warned me.

"O-oh okay, come on lets go somewhere quieter" i whisper leading him to the staircase where we sit on the third step. Jackson continues to cry into me as i hug him close, stroking his back softly. I have no idea what to do when people cry.

"Im so glad your okay bran" he sobs smothered by my shirt. Is this about what happened with David.

"And im glad your okay" i reply rubbing his back, he likes when i do that.

"But im not okay" he sobs gripping tightly onto my biceps as he nuzzles his face into my chest. I move from rubbing his back to wrapping my arms tightly around him.

"I cant sleep, whenever i close my eyes all i can see is him doing that to you" he says.

"Why didn't you tell me" i respond allowing him to grip tightly onto biceps again "whenever i asked you if you were okay you always said yes"

"Because i didn't want to add to your problems. You didn't need me to be troubling you with all my issues"

"So you dealt with it all alone?" I ask guilt settling in my heart. He's had to struggle all this time because he didn't want to add to my problems.

"No, i have a therapist but...i Don't tell her everything" he says softly as i wipe the tears from his eyes with my thumb.

"You should, or at least tell me. You never trouble me" i reassure him as he turns to face the hallyway

"Im really struggling bran" he whispers, turning to look me in the eye "and i feel so bad because you've been through so much worse and Im sat here telling you I'm struggling. And I'm getting all the help while your getting nothing"

"Hey- hey don't apologise, your allowed to struggle too" i say to him, hugging him again.

Jackson doesn't respond, he just sobs heavily into my shoulder clinging to me.

"I cant sleep anymore, i always have nightmares of it and sometimes when i wake up i think your dead" he admits "and even if it is just for a split second, it really scares me"

I guess thats why he woke up and started crying. He had a nightmare about me and David.

"Would it help if I messaged you as soon as i get up, or maybe even just small messages in the night?" I ask, it sounds stupid now I've said it out loud