Deepest Desires

Chapter 43 - Too far

Tw- drug abuse.

Sydneys pov

Danny's arm flops of me as he rolls over, snoring in his sleep. As i stare up at the ceiling i can't help but feel lonely even when the person i love the most in the world is lying next to me.

I miss Dannie as much as i don't want to admit it. I miss his stupid little smile and his soft kisses. I miss April and our jokes. I miss nights out at the skatepark with them being idiots and just having fun.

But most of all i miss Finn and his squeaky little voice and disgusting dinosaur onesie. I miss his sticky fingers and his complaints when i force him to do homework or clean up his toys.

Theres a massive aching hole in my heart that Danny and the drugs just cant fill. And as much as i lie to myself and tell myself they do fill that hole, i know deep down they don't.

Im mad at myself for forgetting about Finn and April even if it was just for a few weeks. It just feels like whenever i use devils tongue i loose myself... i loose the people who are important to me.

All i want is to see them once. Just once. Then after that i will happily stay here.

Glancing over at the man next to me i see he's fast asleep. What danny doesn't know wont hurt him.

Silently, i slip out of bed and sneak out of the room looking back quickly at a sleeping danny.

Walking through the apartment My fingers begin to itch as my eyes lock onto the drugs scattered on the table. I want them so bad but i cant have finn seeing me all drugged up, it will most likely remind him too much of dad.

Shit, maybe i am too much like dad.

I always called him selfish for giving up his family for the drugs, for being so selfish he would do anything to get his next high.

But now i know how it feels. To be selfish.

Screwing my eyes shut i reach for the door handle tugging it down gently. The resistance against my palm tells me its locked.

Cursing quietly underneath my breath i search around for the key trying not make too much noise. A smile sterches on my face when i find it in one of the drawers.

Theres three keys. One for the devils tongue drawer, one for the front door and another one. I don't know what that key opens.

Glancing over my shoulder, i place the key in the look sighing in relief when i hear the lock click softly.

I will go see Dannie first just to hug him and talk about anything. I will happily sit and just listen to his voice ramble on about some rubbish. I will Tell him I'm okay and not to worry about me and that i forgive him for ignoring me. And then i will tell him j hope he has a good life with cal, that they will be a better friend then i ever was.

And then i will visit April and tell her I'm fine, ask her about school and if Shes met any girls recently. I will ask her nicely to not worry about me and that I'm safe and happy. I will hug her and tell her shes the best friend anyone could ask for.

And then i will find out where finn is from one of the others and i will go to him and hold him close, just feel him and take in his smell and his warmth. I will tell him i miss him so much and i would do anything to bring him here to live with me and danny. I will tell him that he is the best brother ever and i love him and miss him so much.

My heart practically leaps from my chest as i pull the handle down. Im so exited to see them all, even if it is just for a few minutes.

"I cant believe this, your seriously gunna leave me" Danny scoffs from behind me causing my heart to drop and my whole body to freeze in front of the door.