You'll Never Be Whole Until You Lose Control- Spencer Reid

Chapter 42: Heat Waves

"I just wonder what you're dreaming of

When you sleep and smile so comfortable

I just wish that I could give you that

That look that's perfectly un-sad"- Heat Waves, Glass Animals

Sorry for the late upload! I started a new job and I've been EXHAUSTED. This is a short, fluffy filler chapter. Just the thought of Spencer taking care of me and loving me is too much for my heart to handle

Warnings: mentions of chronic illness, eating disorders and drugs (weed and reference to Spencer's addiction) and non-sexual ddlg

Spencer

I was awoken to the cold bed beside me and knew something was wrong immediately. There was no good reason for Anna to not be in my arms. She belonged there. I blinked a few times in the darkness before finding her. She had always looked so... content in her sleep, a look I wish I could always keep on her face. But now, she was curled into herself far away from me in a fetal position, the quietest, muffled cries were escaping her mouth. Her hair was a protective shroud around her face and cascading down her shoulders. There was a faint glisten of sweat on her brow and her face was contorted in the look of pain.

We had been here before, though the roles had been reversed. I wondered if it had broken her heart the way it did mine. It seemed like so long ago, though it was only a few months. It felt like we had been together forever. I had been so scared to let her in and show her all of my broken pieces. I was a daft fool to think that I could ever hide from the enigma that she was. She would always find a way to break through my resolve, creeping her way into my heart no matter what I did. She was just too... powerful.

"Sweetheart," I wrapped a protective arm around her

quivering form, pulling her back into my chest. Her body didn't melt into me like usual, instead she remained ridged. Worry began to fester in my gut. I brushed her hair off of her face, fingers lingering on soft cheek. "I'm here, shhh, shhh, it's alright," I cooed gently. "It's okay, shh."

She jerked in my arms, wincing and her eyes opening wide. "Daddy?" She croaked, her voice wavering. She sounded so vulnerable and small.

"It's okay, daddy's here. Shhh, I'm right here, my love. Did you have a nightmare?" I stroked her hair off of her face delicately as she turned in my arms to face me. I tried to be gentle with her, like she was a porcelain doll.

"No," she whimpered, tears glossing over her big green eyes. Her lips quivered. "It hurts. So bad."

It only took me a moment to realize what was going on. She was having a flare of her endometriosis.

"Oh, little one, I'm sorry," I kissed her temple. "What can I do? I want to help."

"Well, um, I think I just got my period so I should get up and deal with that," she said, shuffling in my arms. I didn't want to let her go. Parting was always painful, no matter how short of a time we were away from each other. I could feel her ripping at our seam. She groaned as she stood on rickety, unstable feet, her hand clutching at her stomach. "Mother fucker," she murmured under her breath. Her body was so riddled with pain that she wobbled as she walked.

It broke my heart. It really did. I had it broken so many times before, in so many horrendous ways, but somehow watching the person I loved most in agony was one of the worst. It was gut wrenching.

While she dealt with that in the bathroom, I got out of bed. I was awake now, and probably wasn't going to get back to sleep, but I would never blame her for it. I wanted to be there for her. I would always take care of her. Just in the boxers that I had worn to bed, I walked out to the kitchen and started the kettle for tea. I looked through the jars of herbs that now stocked one of my kitchen cabinets and pulled out motherwort, chamomile and skullcap.