You'll Never Be Whole Until You Lose Control- Spencer Reid

Chapter 43

"You're in my DNA, I can't keep away no matter how hard I try

You're runnin' through my veins, something I can't change

That's the same reason why we're

Further apart, the closer that we are

I'll keep you far away, from me like a star

Hard not to fall for you, I gave you all my heart

Further apart, the closer, the closer, the closer that we are"- Fallen Star, the Neighbourhood

Spencer

The forest was dense and cold as I ran through it. My bare feet hit the pine-needle laden earth beneath me. I didn't know what I was running from, but I could feel them behind me, inching closer to the inevitable. My demise was well deserved, but I kept running. I didn't know why I did; it was helpless. Either way, I was damned if lived and damned if I died. My breath was coming out in desperate pants as I barreled past ferns and wise oak trees.

All of a sudden, the forest opened into a clearing. Snow was falling upon white wildflowers. It was picturesque. From the opposite side of the small meadow, a doe appeared from the dense underbrush. I stopped dead in my tracks, my breath taken away by her ethereal beauty. The moon peaked out from the storm clouds to illuminate her, as if it shined just for her. She sauntered forward with her long legs. She had impossible eyes; so big and as green and lush as the canopy above us. I would know those eyes anywhere. They were hers.

I watched awe-struck as she moved closer to me, curious and sniffing the air. When she was mere feet from me, I reached a hand out to her. I longed to touch her. Every fiber of my being called out to her. We moved closer to each other as if drawn by a magnetic force. She didn't react with any fear. She should have. God, should she have. She simply stared at me for a long moment. My heart raced in my chest. I caught my reflection in her pupils. Somehow, she saw the monster in me but failed to be frightened.

"I won't hurt you," I promised.

It was a lie. It always was, wasn't it?

Then, she rested her face in my palm.

"Good girl," I breathed, rubbing my thumb along soft, downy fur.

She blinked up at me and nuzzled against my hand. She was so beautiful. My heart swelled at the sight. Everything felt... so right.

Then I heard footsteps from behind. It registered to me that I had endangered her with my foolishness. I had led her to the slaughter. She was the perfect prey. I turned my head and moved to shield the doe from the hunter who had appeared.

But I was too late. I was always too late.

The gunshot was deafening and echoed throughout the forest. I watched in horror as blood spilled over the snow and wildflowers, dripping from the precious doe. It was ruined innocence; senseless violence that the doe did not deserve.

All brought on by me.

It was all my fault.

"No!" I shrieked.

As her body fell to the ground, she suddenly changed into the girl that I loved. I reached out to catch her beautiful, satin body. I cradled her close. Blood was dripping from her breast and lips. Oh god, there was so much blood. My shaking hands were daft and desperate as I tried to stop it.

If only she had stayed away from me. What had led her to me? Why was this her fate?

I couldn't let it be.

"Y-you said you wouldn't hurt me," she whimpered, eyes barely open as they stared at me. They were so tired and distant.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. Stay with me, Anna, please, please! I love you. I love you so much. Please don't leave me. Please," I sobbed brokenly.