OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

FORTY EIGHT

My screams echoed as the car zoomed down the streets beyond the highway.

Nakapikit ang mga mata, nakangiti kong dinadama ang lamig ng hangin, init ng makina at ang mahaba't itim kong buhok na sumasayaw sa alon ng pagbabalik tanaw. This felt like straddling between a dream as the upper part of my body sticks out through the rolled-down window with my hands reaching up to touch the passing blurs of the night, while the rest of mine stayed inside the passenger seat, keeping me grounded on the reality.

Sa kaparehong lawak ng ngiti ay nilingon ko si Angelov sa loob. His eyes, as hit by the lights post after streetlight posts, was caught by the genuine joy where it used to be dwelled only by mystery, angst and a vacant abyss. His gaze remained on the road ahead, sinasabayan ang pinapatugtog niya. I remain staring just to make sure that he is not again a figment, or a shape casted by the tendrils of smoke he used to inhale. Or the blown ashes from the fire that almost burn him.

I stared, my smile dwindling as the sky moved past above my head. The crescent moon staring back at us below. We move as the world shifts around us. We sing as the night ages by the minute and laugh as we drive forward along with time, backwards in our minds. And I wonder if this must how it truly feels to be alive.

I stared at him with our guards down. Fully aware as much as he was that the moment I agreed to a one-night trip back in time, we have already begun stripping our ripe skins to wear our eighteen and nineteen-year-old sleeves. Washed and bleached from the stains of our old bad habits.

Staring still... as we found the way back into our hearts while we also got lost into our youth.

I stared and felt the unhurrried speed of the car and maybe...

We didn't rush to love. Instead, we risked too early to begin. With a new perspective, maybe what it needed is a restart. To revive the engine of our resting hearts. To set our naked feet upon the dying embers of unlived chances. To summon the ghosts of the past and possess us... To recreate, repaint. To rewrite, recapture...

Hinuli niya ang tingin ko. Saglit lang iyon dahil kailangan manatili sa daan. He removed one hand from the wheel and reached out for me to take. I held it as I eased back to my seat. He brought my hand to his lips, linger for a fleeting moment before pressing it to his chest where I could feel the palpable beat of his heart.

We stayed that way the rest of the ride, hanggang sa bumaba kami sa isang kainan na rating tinatambayan nila at doon na rin naghapunan. Sa buong magdamag ay hindi ako nagtanong saan ang susunod na pupuntahan o kailan kami uuwi. In a way, I was as well looking forward to surprise myself.

Until he parked the car at a very familiar spot outside the university building. Nagtawanan kami sa hindi malamang dahilan pagpasok sa pharmacy. We've never rehearsed this, but it's as if we already know what to do when we scatter ourselves inside the store. Sa mga toiletries ako dumiretso habang umikot naman si Angelov sa mga malamig na inumin.

I picked up the travel size lotion and cradled it in my hand, a bit contemplative. Why does it feel like I couldn't do this without saying the word? Hindi rin naman kasi ako nasanay at isa o dalawang beses ko lang 'to nagawa kaya paanong hindi ako kakabahan? At paano kung may makakakilala sa amin dito? Pero kahit wala, siguradong nakakahatak pa rin kami ng atensyon lalo na sa suot ko. And of course, Angelov.

Inangat ang tingin ay agad nitong nabunggo ang titig niya na nasa kabilang hanay, nakaharap sa akin. His cheeks hollowed deeper at his amused pursed lips, then peered down on whatever he's planning to purloin.

Huminga ako nang malalim at pumikit. Holding the poor small bottle of lotion...

"Adrenaline..." I whispered. Gooseflesh shot up from the surfaces of my arms and nape as if I tickle them myself.