OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

THIRTY SEVEN

"Mommy...?" The reluctance in his voice hinted of delicate innocence.

Nanindig ang balahibo ko sabay ang isang napakahabang singhap, hindi sapat ang normal na paghinga para mahagip nang buo ang paniniwala kong nasa harapan ang anak kong matagal nawalay sa akin. Sa unti-unti kong pagbitaw sa kanya, tila may hinukay sa kalamnan ko.

Tears cascading down my cheeks, I let out a tiny giggle. I run my thumb a light graze along the line of his dark heavy lashes. Kahit sa marahang pagtatagpo ng kilay niya, namamangha ako at nahihikbing natawa.

Still thinking how surreal this is, breathing becomes a struggle even more so than believing. The video calls, photographs and stories didn't do justice to prove on how much he mirrors him. It seems just staring at the same man, only that he ages backwards by two decades.

I hugged him again. Just like Mama, I also couldn't help it. He's so soft, fragrant as a lavender... and home. A blissful nostalgic wound.

Napabitaw ako sa marahang diin sa tiyan ko.

"What's this, baby?" Pagkadungaw, huli ko ang alinlangan niyang inaabot na mga cards.

"Cards. For your past birthdays..."

Stunned and in awe to the core, it took a whole minute before I opened the cards and saw not just his hand written greetings. Each card encased newly developed photographs. There's a photo of a yellow flower on the first card, the clear blue skies on the second, a stunning sunrise on the third and the fourth... red roses from Mama's small garden by the fence. The last one also has a photo of Dorcas and Mama, both smiling and sporting the same long, naturally dark and soft curls.

"You took these pictures?"

Nahihiya siyang tumango. "Nana Meow said you take pictures a lot, so I tried. They're not as nice as yours..."

Mapupunit na ang bibig ko sa malaking binat ng ngiti. "They're perfect!"

His all too familiar gaze fell, intent to avoid my eyes. Mas niyuko rin niya ang kanyang ulo para iwasan ang tingin ko. I caught the slight purse of his cute rosy lips, suppressing a smile. As he did so, his cheeks turned prominent which offered me a glimpse of him as his twenty one year old father.

And it struck me like a thunderbolt. Everything seems to slow down as it dawn on me that maybe... maybe this is Angelov's way of concluding his promise that he'll always be around watching, guiding me and his kids. His gift to me for life, an everlasting reminder that he's never gone but then... I seem to breathe in this very moment calling me to yield and just accept his no return.

He never got the chance to change his life, so through this, it's the only way to achieve a second shot. Passing on to his child a huge part of him to somehow redeem himself through going back from the start. Into being an innocent child. Into being his son, a splitting image of him, while swearing to himself that he'll never let him become the man he was from his old life.

A sob broke out from my throat. May kiliti akong naramdaman sa pisngi at natanto na kanina pa ako nakatitig habang walang humpay ang buhos ng mga luha ko. Sal's hand is on my cheek, his thumb trying to wipe my tears while my widened eyes remain darted at him, stunned by my own realization.

Habang tumatagal ang paningin ko sa mukha niya, mas nilulunod ako sa sariling paniniwala na baka ito nga iyon... at tila nababasa ni Sal ang nasa isip ko, dahan-dahan siyang ngumiti. And again, a flashback of his father's face donning the same smile, right in front of my eyes. Isang kurap, siya ang nakikita ko. Sa pangalawa, nagbalik ang mukha sa anak ko.

I slapped a hand on my mouth to block the surge of my louder sobs. Nanlalabo ang paningin kong binabaha ng luha.

"Mommy?"