OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

FIVE

"Anyways, guys... you remember Samara, right?"

Ang panginginig ng aking bibig ay kinumutan ko ng ngiti habang pinapakilala ako ng kaibigan sa mga bisita. As Cheree introduced me to the country's hottest indie-rock group, my cold nostalgic hand just couldn't bury the evidence of my recent visit from the past.

"Hi, I'm a fan," sabi ko at ngumiti.

Nahuli ko ang tingin ng kanilang vocalist. He was leaning imperiously on the white wall in the corner. Hindi lumapit at bumati, but he jerked his chin as an acknowledgment then smirked at me.

I was stunned for a moment. Nananadyak ang mga preso sa kulungan ng aking dibdib. Sinubukan kong umilag sa isang inosenteng ngiti kahit sa kalooban ko ay nagbabaga na ang mga alaala. There is something about smirks and arrogance which leapt my sanity back to my impression of that someone in the same calibre. I tried shaking his image off, lalo na sa malupit na paninitig ng lalakeng iyon sa akin noon.

Sa hawak ni Cher sa aking braso ay natauhan ako. As the tightening pressure in my chest and arms starts to wave down, that is when the panic began to wind around my gut just right after excusing himself to take charge of some things back in the booth. Pinandilatan ko siya, nagsusumamong hindi ako iwan mag-isa sa harap ng maraming tao.

"I'd be back. Ayos ka lang dito?" his whisper was cautious and worried.

Cher and I have been friends even before notoriety starts to speak of my name. He is one of those who believed in me when no one else would. As a terror but very well respected fashion analyst, isa rin siya sa mga naunang kliyente ko noon na humagip sa mga kamalian ko. But he risked for me despite my lacks and flaws and was with me during my improvements. Leading him to work for me, that's how he believed in me completely. Kaya alam niya kung kailan ako hindi nagiging kumportable. Alam niyang hindi ang sagot but I also know that I have to do this on my own.

"You can do it, Amiga." He winked girlishly and tapped my arm. "Mababait naman iyan sila. You've met them before, right?"

"Once, Cher. At isang minuto lang yata 'yon. I was just starting as a photographer in music festivals. Si Donovan ang mas malapit sa kanila!" pabulong kong giit. As if it's going to change his mind.

My attitude towards my chosen career may seem unfitting but I hope redemption would find its way when I say that I am currently working on my socialization. I was taught a long time ago that timidity will only do nothing but hinder and molds doubt. So as much as possible, if it's apt and harmless, I have to reach out more often. Lalo na sa mga kliyente na makakahalubilo ko. I have to love my subjects or otherwise, I'd be kissing my career goodbye.

Tumango si Cher at pinaharap na ako muli sa banda. I faked my confidence until it learns to cling on me. I started explaining the theme of the photoshoot. Tama naman na madali silang pakisamahan kaya natatanaw kong magiging magaan din ang araw ko ngayon.

"I will leave you for a while to let you get dressed into your outfits, alright?"

Gumaan ang pakiramdam ko nang maayos kong naitawid ang segundong iyon. A relieved breath coursed throuh me while taking my steps back to the studio booth. Ningitian ko ang isang model actress na pansamantalang namamahinga bago ang panibagong set ng shoots. Sa tabi niya, huli ko ang tingin ni Cher na kausap ang isang magazine editor. He gave me a raised thumb before turning back to the conversation.

"Sam!"

Nilingon ko ang tawag ng isang kasamahan namin sa photoshoot, a magazine writer na siya ring nag-interview sa bandang kasalukuyang naghahanda ngayon sa dressing room.

"Yes, Cindy? May problema ba?" agap ko kaagad sa napapansin na pagmamadali nito. But the way she appeared way too excited puzzled me. Kumapit siya sa braso ko nang makarating sa aking harapan.