OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

TEN

Kahit noong nakawala na sa kumpulan at nasa labas na ng bahay, hindi pa rin ako lubos na mapanatag. The dread's still keeping its hold on me even after realizing that I am about to get past beyond the house's gate!

I tried to brush aside the uninvited feeling. Iginigiit ko sa utak ang larawan ng aking pag-uwi para naman alalayan ako ng pagbubuyong kumalma. Papatakbo ako nang lalagpasan na ang itim na gate ngunit isang mariin na pagbatak sa braso ko ay agad akong napaatras. I didn't give myself too much force the reason why the captor can hold me so easily, completely stopping me from leaving. I can only gasp from the horror thinking that they were the guys a while back who I supposed were stoned!

"Ano ba--"

My eyes widened when a furrow-browed Angelov claimed a step in front of me, Lalong hindi ko mapaniwalaan na wala man lang kaisa-isang senyales ng paghihirap sa kanya. I immediately concluded that he wasn't running when he caught me. No, he's definitely not out of breath. Hindi ko mabuo ang pag-iwas lalo na't mabilis nitong kinalas ang kamay niya sa aking braso na para bang napapaso.

"Fuck, sorry..." A raspy soft curse escaped from him.

Mariin nitong pinikit ang mga mata. He tilted his head, trying to hide his pained reaction.

If not only for the unnamed reason, I could have zoomed out of his property right now. Wala na siyang hawak sa akin kaya puwedeng-puwede na akong tumakbo! But I just couldn't when he's looking like this. Isipin ko pa lang ay dinadaganan na agad ako ng pagsisisi at kirot sa puso na siyang hindi ko talaga maintindihan. I stared at him, in awe and in shock while mulling over what could be gearing inside his mind by the way his jaw pulsed vigorously as though it was caging all of his wildly inhibited, passionate fury.

"Uhm..."

Hinatak ang paningin ko ng mabagal na pamumuo ng kanyang kamao, sa kamay na ginamit niya noong hinawakan ako.

I thought he wants me to leave? Bakit niya ako pinipigilan ngayon?

"Sorry," he repeated in a much more defeated tone.

"Angelov--"

His vicious seething ended his name on my lips. Humigpit lalo ang riin ng pagpikit niya at kunot noo. Two of his fingers traced the outline of his half-parted mouth the same time when he turned to reconnect his wickedly deep and dark eyes on me.

Driven by fear of his sheer anger, I stepped back. Pero nagawa niya akong pigilan sa titig lamang. The mere look in his eyes which mirrors extreme misery na pinakintab pa ng aking singhap.

I have been deriving a glut of unfair treatment in all my born days. Most of it were provided by me, to myself. But here, when the embers of my penitence came face to face with the same image of suffering, eye to eye, as Angelov's obsidian pools intently gaze at me, he overwhelms the pain of my first cut and even of its slightest memory.

Sa halip na paalalahanan ako sa ginawa sa sarili, pilit kong binubuod ang sa kanya.

I almost couldn't take it na nagawa kong ilipat ang paningin sa mga nagsasaya sa loob. I was hoping their laughters could infect me but didn't. I remember not being the kind to judge people based on early impressions. Para sa akin, wala akong karapatan dahil hindi ko sila kilala. As much as how I sometimes doubt humanity, I want to always see kindness in every people I meet. When they become rude to me, I justify their behavior with their intractable emotions, at ang katotohanan na iba-iba ang ugali ng mga tao. Yet, the truest one was I mostly put the blame on myself for being the kind of person that I am.

But when I did the same awful thing to Angelov just because of the cheap knowledge about these girls dying for him, labis kong pinagsisihan iyon. What if they are just rumors? And the hope to see him weak rooted from the notion that he wasn't capable of it in which... I regretted so deeply. Kaya ako dapat ang mag-sorry sa kanya.