OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

TWENTY

Nagising ako sa himig ng simbahan.

The familiar chime of the bells failed to soothe the hum of shock in my bones as soon as it roused me. Natulala ako, wala sa sariling tinitigan ang cove light na katapat lamang ng aking paningin habang binibiktima ng marahas na bugbog ng aking puso. It's like a charge of a bullet shot, right into the heart, and my breathing stops amidst the pulsing lungs. Ilang mga pagkurap ang ginawa ko bago naging malinaw sa akin ang araw ngayon.

As a resident in a room right on the building's crest, hindi ko alam paanong nakarating sa akin ang tunog ng kampana mula sa simbahang may kalayuan din mula rito.

"Tinatawag yata ako para magsimba. You think?" I asked and turned to his picture.

Hindi siya sumagot. Katulad ng dati, nakangiti pa rin mula sa frame.

"Hindi ka ba napapagod kakangiti diyan? Matulog ka rin kaya. Lagi mo na lang akong binabantayan."

Despite the dull quiver that continues to haunt in my veins, I smiled at the very thought of him watching over me. Tinalo ang lamay ng pagkakayanig ng aking diwa kani-kanina ng panlalaraiwan na ito. Imagine... just imagine if this was ever real.

Buntong hininga kong hinawi ang kumot at dahan-dahang umahon sa kama. There was no rush this time because today, I asked for a day off. 

"Binibisita mo na naman ako sa panaginip ko. You're so unfair." I playfully narrowed my eyes at him and somehow, tried to imitate his smirk on the photo.

For the longest time, I locked my eyes on the picture as if in any second from now, he's going to tear his face in two then steps out of the frame. Until I found myself zoning out. Unti-unting natunaw ang ginagaya kong ngiti. Sa ganoong ayos, tila tinatabunan ang pandinig ko kaya parang lumalabo ang mababang himig ng kampana. I was only able to snap out of it when I realized that the ring of the bells has stopped. What I can hear now is the fading sound from the last ring. 

Pinilig ko ang aking ulo at pagod na tumayo.

Inangat ko ang mga braso at nag-inat. I am already hoping for a lighter day. Kahit ngayong araw lang, pero alam kong babawiin din ng gagawin ko mamaya ang hiling. Besides, it's my choice to glut my weekdays with heavy schedules like out of town trips just to keep me busy. Though in the end, nothing is more relieving than knowing I had a fulfilling week.

Pinagmasdan ko ang mapuputing kamay na iniikot ang volume ng stereo. That old but still up and running stereo back from their subdivision house. Nang makuntento ay sinabayan ko ng tipid na pagindayog ang pagtungo sa kusina.

"Nagsisimula na yata ang misa. Kapag pumunta ako roon dala ang picture mo, masusunog lang yata tayo pareho!" tawa ko sa isa pang litrato rito sa sala. In this, he was laughing his whole heart out.

I hum along with the Spanish song on the radio while making my coffee. Kung sa ibang araw lang ito, I was probably on my car right now cursing the traffic. But with my off, all of my movements if not lax, are lazy.

"You used to flirt with me in Spanish, remember, Mi amor?" Sinubo ko ang kutsarita para tikman ang tamang tamis ng kape. Kumunot ang noo ko. "You say Spanish words because you hate it, dahil iyon pa yata ang magpapabagsak sa 'yo."

Dinagdagan ko ng kaunting asukal ang inumin at tinimpla bago muling tinikman. May kapaitan pa rin kaya inulit ko. After several stirs, I lifted the teaspoon and sipped from it to check my preferred sweetness.

Unlike those days before, I no longer put anything on my coffee but only teaspoons of sugar. Nothing else. Kaya naman ang linaw ng pagkakaitim ng inumin dahilan ng pagkakatigil ko rin nang matanaw ang repleksyon ng aking ngiti.