OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

THIRTY TWO

For some odd reason, thoughts about death and the things I can associate it with became an incidental spill of ink in my mind.

Katulad na lamang ng bungo na sa hindi malamang dahilan ay kanina pa naging paksa ng paningin ko habang nakadungaw sa bintana. It was skewered against one of the neighbor's sharp picket fences. Still and untouched. Its eyes, an endless dark abyss. Its mouth agaped, and with blatant cracks of white from the paint on its head. Hindi pa naliligpit kahit lumipas na ang Halloween at ilang buwan na lang bago ang pag-usbong ng November.

"Sam--" *

The call of my name met its untimely end with another heave, then the splattering of puke against water echoed through the bathroom walls. Pinikit ko nang mariin ang mga mata, nanginig ang pawisang labi. Umaasang masasangga nito ang naririnig at naaamoy ko.

I failed fighting the urge to gag as the pungent smell of stale acid fused with the decays of alcohol saturate the room. Tinakpan ko ang bibig at ilong sa naluluha na mga mata, sinusubukang hindi maduwal ngunut bigo habang panay ang paghihikaos ni Angelov sa tabi ko.

More splattering. The clenching of his body firmer than it has been as he catches my arm for a desperate grip.

Mabagal ang singhap ko, mas pinariin ang pagpikit. Hindi na kailangan tunghayan pa ang gabi-gabi namang nagpapangyari. My back leaning against the bathroom wall while his head lunges forward shooting his insides down to the toilet bowl.

I could hardly count it in my hands the nights it has been like this. How many more does he have to endure? How long will I be able to act like a cane at his staggering gaits each time I walk him back home?

I winced as another attack set in, more forceful this time. I reached for his cold sweaty bare back to caress urging him to finish the rest of poison in his gut. Bumagal ang haplos ko sa kalagitnaan nang maramdaman ang masalat na usli ng buto roon. I hid my gasp, tried to breathed in the fumes of my fear before sliding to what I thought were the soft surfaces of his back, only to grasp at the palpable scratches of my nails from our fervent love makings.

"Umuwi ka na..."

Ang lamig ng paninitig ko sa labas ay nabuway nang nilingon siya. He has already closed the lid as the bowl flushes. Sa buong katahimikan, kahit hindi siya pagmasdan ay dinig ang bawat kaluskos niya at ang bawat paghinga.. nangangapa... nanghihina. But I still watched him stand up on his own even when he's struggling. He loathes it when I help him. He can do it, he said, so I let him in the hopes that at some point I was wrong. That he can really do it all alone.

Hindi ko na nagawang buhayin ang ilaw sa pagmamadali namin kanina dahilan ng may kadilimang banyo. Though, the shared light from the lamp post created the shadows on his face which scarily define the deep hollows on his cheeks. Nadedepina pa nang husto ang pagbabawas sa mukha niya dahil sa gupit ng buhok. *

He is sporting a buzzcut now, which only exposes more of the drastic loss of his muscles and body weight. Just only three days of not seeing him, he almost look unrecognizeable.

Dahan-dahan na rin akong tumayo. Nakatalikod na si Angelov sa akin at naghihilamos ng mukha sa sink. He never bothered wiping it dry and just staggered his way to his dark cold bed. I followed him.

"Hinahanap ka na sa inyo," he drawled in his drunk and sleepy tone and sniffed.

Hindi ko alam ano nga ba ang hinihintay ko at hinatid ko pa siya sa higaan. I knew why exactly I was taking my time when I can just leave like he wanted, but the intention suddenly refused to be named. Pero nang halos matumba siya sa gitna ay mabilis ko siyang sinalo. Agad ang pagkunot ng noo niya ngunit marahan na inalis ang kamay ko. Again, I let him go limping back to his bed and forcibly dropped himself to sit there.