I'll Always Love A Bad Boy (Sequel To I Fell In love With The Bad Boy)

Chapter 29 - He was Meant for something more

-Jasmine-
As of late I have been thinking an awful lot about something Corey had said. I remembered it clearly, "I'm never going to be anything but a dumb football player. I'm not smart enough for anything else." and boy did that piss me off.

But I would never know... And neither would he. I cover my face with my hands, I know I'm just grieving but I need to know that he was worth something. No. I know he was worth something. He is the one that needs to know what he was worth.

"Can you stop moping. Corey wouldn't want this." Zoe spun around in her chair.

"I'm not moping." I grumble back. "I'm thinking, there's a difference."

I stare at the floor blankly for a moment and then it occurs to me. Graduation. College graduation isn't far  away. I have to get Corey's college diploma. I just have to.

I leap up off the floor and grab my jacket. I race out of our dorm room so fast that I only manage to hear Zoe say "Hey where-"

----

I wipe my sweaty palms on the hem of my shirt, there is nothing more daunting then sitting in the headmasters office. The room is small and neatly packed with bookshelves covering all the walls and a big desk in the middle. The desk makes the room seem ten times smaller than it probably is.

"So Miss Foster, what is it that you needed to talk to me about?" Norrington asks me.

"I need to talk to you about Corey Anderson." I say quietly, his name still makes me want to cry.

"Yes." he says gruffly, "What about him?"

"His report and diploma. I was wondering whether I could collect them in his honour on graduation day."

"And why would you want them?" He looks curious.

"And why wouldn't I?" I say, "He was, after all, my-" I stop realising the word I want to say but I just can't bring myself to say it.

"Boyfriend." Norrington says for me.

I nod unsure of how else to respond, or how else I should respond. I stare down at my hands, folded in my lap.

"Jasmine, I know it is hard. And if it would make you happy to have those things of his then you may. That is, of course, that Corey's family does not want them." he looks sympathetic but I don't want his sympathy or his pity.

"Thank you. That is all I needed to say."  I murmur. "May I leave now?" I ask politely.

He nods and goes back to his work on his laptop. I wander out of his office, dragging my feet as I walk. I am usually a very observant person but lately I have been metaphorically blind. I don't take in my surroundings and I don't sleep. I have the same nightmare every night, Corey jumping in front of me and the loud bang, the... blood. I wish I could sleep, I wish I could learn to forgive myself.

After all Wes had been arrested and was on trial, police were still questioning everyone. By everyone I mean mostly anyone close to Corey, which of course meant my whole friend group.

Daniel of course had been amazing despite having walked into hell when he transferred here. But never once had he tried to run away or looked afraid, in a lot of ways he was like Toby, strong.  I wish I was strong, but lately I had been wishing a lot of things.

The weather today matches my mood, dull, icy and about to explode with rain. Autumn is on the way the trees are orange and yellow, and the leaves are falling around me. If only I could see him one more time, even if it was only for five minutes. I pull my jacket tighter around myself, I hate the cold. But I can't bring myself to go inside again because inside are the questions, the pity, the sympathy. I want none of that yet I cannot escape it. I bring my hands from my pockets up to my glasses, I once thought them a burden but now they are a memory, a piece of what used to be, a piece of him.

"You said you'd never leave me." I say to the emptiness around me. I was never one to believe in heaven or ghosts. But I did believe he was watching over me.

" I never asked anyone to die for me." the tears spill over my cheeks and my heart aches for him.

But to a degree Zoe was right, he wouldn't want this.

"I know you were meant for something more. you always had a habit of selling yourself short." I say my voice is barely audible. I know I'm probably going insane, my mother always said talking to yourself is the first sign of madness.

"I'm not giving up on you." I say walking back toward the dorms and it was the truth. I would never give up on him because he never gave up on me.