Deviant

seven

Devoid of feelings?

6 years ago

"You...  Killed your parents and your sister."

Jungkook was just a child when he suddenly woke up with a knife in his hand. Blood was on the knife, on his hands and clothes.

The knife slipped onto the ground, Doctor Mingyu's words ringing in his ears.

"We have to take you somewhere where we can take care of you and make sure that something like this will never happen again."

And it was like that, Jungkook was brought into an institution.

He was 14 years old.

He was scared.

He couldn't cry. He didn't have any tears.

He missed his parents and his 9-year-old little sister.
They weren't here anymore.
They were gone, and he was alone.
Because he killed them.
But still...  he couldn't cry. He wanted to, but his eyes were still dry.

He could not understand why he wasn't able to remember.
And why would he kill his parents? His innocent little sister.

Every day a doctor would come to examine him.
Then another was giving him pills.
Then another was giving him injections.
Then Mingyu would come and ask him questions. Questions he didn't have answers to.

And it was like that every single day.
Again, and again, until he couldn't do it anymore and ran away from there.

He felt like a freak.
He felt like a monster.
The way they watched him made him hate himself.

He felt lonely.
He wanted his family back.

Why did he only want his family now?
Why did he not appreciate them before?
Why couldn't he love them?
Why… did he always feel like an outsider in his own house?

Why did he always feel alone no matter how much he struggled to make himself loved, wanted?

But the truth was that... no one ever wanted him or... needed him in their lives.

"What is happening with you, Jungkook? How can I help you? "
Mingyu asked Jungkook two years later after he surrendered.

But Jungkook kept silent. His eyes empty and full of darkness were staring through the man who was sitting in front of him.

"Let me be your friend and help you."

Jungkook laughed as soon as those words left Mingyu's mouth.
He laughed and started to make fun of him.
Yes... He was bad. Evil. He hated everyone. He couldn't trust anyone. This him wanted to make everyone suffer. Friends? He didn't need any. He was all alone until now. He managed to survive this way. Why change that now? It wouldn't change anything. He was what he was. And what he will always be.

"Can you fuck off and let me be? "

Mingyu crushed his eyebrows at that, his mouth twisted in annoyance.
"Who are you right now? When did you appear in Jungkook's mind and what are you after? "

Jungkook laughed again. He was really enjoying himself.
"Are you really a doctor?"Jungkook asked the moment he stopped laughing. "Cuz to me you are just an ignorant little being."

With his wrists tied up togheter, he still managed to grab the doctor's neck. The guard quickly pulled him away from Mingyu, this way preventing a catastrophe from occurring.

"Ah damn it", Jungkook evilly smirked.
"It just isn't my day."

Mingyu remained there in his chair without moving a muscle.
His heart was still pounding from the moment Jungkook's cold fingers met his neck.
He stopped breathing for a moment there. He had to admit that the boy was scary.
The way he looked at him, with so much hate. If the guard wouldn't have been there, he would have been a dead man.

The guard pushed Jungkook inside his cell right after he unlocked the door. Jungkook lost his balance and fell, but he didn't stress himself to stand up, instead, he dragged himself to the nearest wall, then as he leaned with his back against it, he closed his eyes tightly. A small smile made its way onto his lips as he recalled Mingyu's words.

Who are you?

He felt his chest tighten.
He wanted to cry, but... he couldn't.

It's better this way. Let them believe that.

Let them believe that I am the monster here. Maybe I really am.

Such a stupid doctor.

But the truth was that... this was the real him. At least this is what he thought because for some time now, he started to ask himself if he hasn't completely lost his mind.

He couldn't understand what that man was talking about.
He was aware that another version of him was there somewhere inside his being, but he didn't know what that part of him was like.

And as well, why everyone thought that he was the intruder.

Present

Jungkook opened his eyes slowly. He woke up to the feeling of someone's warmth beside him. Someone's fingers in his hair were something new to him. He didn't like it.
That person was an intruder. Someone uninvited.

His eyes became cold the moment your gazes locked.
He pulled himself away from you, his eyes widened the moment he realized that his head was on your lap a second ago.

The moment your eyes locked with his, you knew. You knew who he was.
Your heart was pounding, a knot appeared in your throat as you remembered how he forced himself on you. How he touched you.
At least that is what you thought you knew, but the reality was completely different.

Tightening your fingers around the syringe, your eyes shifted on his neck.
At that moment, all you had to do was just inject that thing every day, two weeks in a row. Then everything will be over.

Jungkook saw what you were holding.
It was still night, the light was dull, but it was way too familiar to not be aware of that annoying syringe.
He knew for what that was for.
A long time ago, he heard them talking about the new medicine they were preparing and wanting to test. You waited for him to wake up, so you could give it to him. Therefore he wasn't mistaken. It was something new.
It was amusing somehow. It was like he was one of their lab rats.

But the real question was, to let you give it to him, or hurt you before you could try.

He could easily escape. Take the key from you and run away.
Yeah. He could do that.
But then what?
Where would he go?
What if he would kill someone again?
No... There was no place for him to go. This place was made for those like him.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, and once again he gave up.

"Just... do it already."