Deviant

twenty one

~Damn you~

Only 40 days left.

If you won't come up with a solution of your own until then, then I will inject him the new medicine myself. You have two months at your disposition.

Those were Mingyu's words 20 days ago.
Preparing the injection, your eyes met as he was looking up at you.

Before transferring him back to prison, you had to make sure he was calm enough so that there would be no risks of him doing something stupid. Which is why you had to inject the antidepressant into his blood.

Jungkook was breathing a little heavier from the moment he saw the injection in your hands. Right then it was the playboy. The one you didn't like very much and he was aware of that.
So he was a little afraid.
Surprisingly, he was.

He was afraid that you will make him disappear. Because... you didn't want him.

Because he wasn't real.

He thought that way because he wasn't aware of your real feelings. Because it was so hard for him to understand your mind.

Indeed you didn't like him. Indeed you felt disgusted so many times, seeing how he was fooling around. How he was talking back to you all the time.
Still, you couldn't stop having feelings for that sweet part of his that kissed you. You couldn't erase it from your mind. The way he touched made you realize that he can be so careful and sweet. Even if maybe it was all an act, those moments were still engraved so deeply into your heart.

Jungkook held in his breathe the moment he felt the needle against his neck, his body started to tremble as he fought back tears, not wanting to cry again in front if you. Not again. He said to himself. Not this time. He couldn't trust you. Not anymore. Not after he cried in front of you. Not after he begged for the first time to be saved.

It made him feel that he made a mistake. He was convinced that you were like the rest of them.

Again being at someone's hand, again feeling so powerless as he clenched his hands into fists. He despised being held and restrained like this. The pain in his chest became bigger as he tried to move his arms with the intent to stop you from hurting him.

Why can't they stop already? Please, just stop doing this to me all the time.

But you saw. His eyes and the anguish they carried. So you put the injection down far away from his sight view.

"It's just the usual medication. I will not give you anything else, I promise." You whispered to him trying somehow to calm him down. "I will not hurt you, didn't I tell you that already? "

Jungkook's eyes widened as he stared back at you, his heart was still furiously beating against his chest. He wanted to run away from there. He couldn't trust you.

Again... It was happening again. Again he felt despair.
Again he felt lonely in midst of so many people.
Again... He felt the need to beg you. To swear to you that he will love only you. Just to take him far away from there.

You quickly placed your hand on his head seeing that your words didn't have any effect.
"It's ok. Shhhhhh. It's ok. I will not hurt you." You whispered again above his head as you held him gently in your arms. "Maybe you are a jerk sometimes. Maybe it feels like I hate you, but I would never hurt you. Please be aware of that. And I have never broken my promises."

Jungkook didn't say anything back to you, but surprisingly his body stopped trembling, even though his heart was beating at an alarming speed.

As you were searching his face, worried, Jungkook turned his face to the other side avoiding eye contact. And your chest trembled when you saw his tears.

"Talk to me. Please.
I really want to help you. Please, let me understand you. You are such a mystery. Your way of being is confusing me. I can't understand who you are. You said to me that you are acting like a jerk because this is what everyone expects. What did you mean by that? Is it all an act? It isn't the real you, the one that you are showing to everyone, is it?"

"You are the one studying psychology. Figure it out by yourself. You can at least do that." Jungkook mocked you but he still didn't look your way.

"Damn you." You sighed suddenly feeling the need to beat the crap out of him. "Why are you like this? Why do you keep making me feel so useless? " You closed your eyes as you grabbed his cheeks between your palms bringing his face closer to you, your forehead pressing against his. "Let me help you. Trust in me just a little. I will not disappoint you."

A heartbeat louder than the previous one. Two heartbeats. Three heartbeats. And again your heart started to beat at the same time as his.

"How can someone like you cry so easily?
How can a supposed demon like you be so warm?"

How can you smell like chocolate all the time?

How can you make me lose my head in such a way?

Jungkook closed his eyes slowly. He tried to breathe. He tried to think.
But your fragrance made everything impossible. You smelled so good. Foreign. But there in your arms, he felt at home. Something he never felt before. He was feeling it all the time with you.

Then something happened. For the first time, he lost control of his body. It was the first time when the other Jungkook woke up by himself.