Deviant

sixteen

~Doubt~

Jungkook's pov

I looked at her beautiful face while she was still sleeping.
The sheet only covered her lower body as she was lying on her stomach, so her back was exposed.

The sun shone down through the windows on her body and once again I found myself staring at her beautiful figure.

I had thought that this would stop.

I had thought that once I would do this with her I would get bored and stop wanting her. But nothing changed.

Here I was, still wanting her.

Here I was, still needing her.

I gnawed at my lower lip as I studied her face.
My eyes traveled from her angelic face to her naked back and down till it met the sheet. The fabric accentuated her curves and I couldn't stop being drawn to her.

I still want her. But what about her?

What if she gets bored of me? What if she will have enough and throw me away?
After all, I am always thrown away.

I've never brought anything good to anyone's life.

My own parents threw me away. If they did it, then why wouldn't she?

I brought my palm to the side of her face and cupped her cheek. Then my thumb traced the delicate bone of her jaw. My stomach tightened into a ball as my fingers slid down the side of her neck.

Ah, I adore you.

I moved closer to her and rested on my elbow as I touched her more.
Her back was tempting and I found myself softly running my index finger down her spine.

I couldn't believe that that happened between the two of us.

I couldn't believe how great she felt despite my fear of not being good enough.

She shivered under my light touch. It brought a smile to my face.

Where will this bring us?
Should I continue this? Should I try?
Or it would be better if I leave?

At the last thought, my chest constricted in pain.
She just gave herself to me. She pushed away her own fears and did something she promised not to. And only because she was afraid I would leave her.

If I stay with her and try, would I be able to become better? Would I be able to fight against the darkness of my mind?

I am scared. What if everything turns out to be for nothing and she will still leave?
Then what would be there left for me?
Nothing. It's already hard enough to go on this way.

Why does my illness not bother her? How can she accept me the way I am now?
Why? When there are so many of there who are much better than I would ever be. I just can't understand. How long will this last?
She will get tired. Eventually, she will.

She is so smart. She can become anything she wants. She can achieve everything she sets her mind on.
Why did she stop for me? What about her career? What about her parents? Doesn't she miss them? They would never accept someone like me in their lives.

I know better.

No one does.

I leaned in and caressed the back of her neck with my lips before leaving the bed. I had to get away from her before losing my control.
Seeing her like this I had the sudden urge of possessing her hard and in ways that would frighten her.
Why can't I stop this?

As soon as Jungkook left the room, he froze seeing Jennie not far away from his room leaning with her back against a wall, like she was waiting for someone.

He shrugged and walked past her but soon enough Jennie grabbed him by his arm forcing him to stop and face her.

"What do you want? " Jungkook asked annoyed as he glared at the girl.

"Should I take it as you and Y/N being a thing now?" Jennie's fingers tightened around his wrist.

Jungkook's gaze shifted onto her hand holding his wrist, then his eyes traveled back up to her face. He smirked. "Do you have a problem with it, kitten?"

"Actually I do. Remember what you said a couple of days ago?"

Jungkook raised an eyebrow with a tilt of his head. "I guess I have a short memory. Can you help me refresh it? What did I say, baby? " Jungkook bit down on his lip as he traced one finger along her cheek.

Jennie felt her face flush red. And this started to bug the hell out of her. She shivered.

A wicked smile appeared on his face.

"You said to wait for you. You said that you would come and spend the night together. "

Jungkook laughed cutely.
"Really? I don't remember saying that. Sorry. Now can I have my arm back? It's really getting boring here. " Jungkook said unaffected, his eyes becoming suddenly cold and frightening.

Jennie's lips started to tremble.

"I think I fell for you." She threw her last card.

Jungkook poured for a few seconds and then he burst out laughing.
"Really? Good for you then." He said before turning his back to leave.

"What? " Jennie grabbed him by his shirt. "Where do you think you are going? Don't you have anything to say to that? "

"Oh, excuse me. Do I have? " Jungkook rolled his eyes annoyed.

Before she could react, he grabbed her wrists and pinned her against the wall, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Can you shut the fuck up already? Didn't you get the message or you are too stupid to understand?"

"Love? Don't make me puke."

"Everyone can be so stupid. Don't you people get tired of so much stupidity?
Please kill yourself. It will be better for the world and me as well."
Jungkook whispered the last words into her ear before turning around and leaving.

Jennie bit her lip to the blood as she fought back tears. Then she pulled her phone out and dialed a number.

"Yes?"

"It's me. Do you remember the favor you owe me? " Jennie asked, a faint smile appearing on her face.

"Oh, it's you, Jennie. What do you want? " The voice on the other end of the phone sounded irritated.

"I want you to get close to someone... Kai. "

"That looks like a hickey. " Taehyung stated as he stared at Jimin's neck.
After the fight they had last night, Taehyung came to Jimin's house to apologize.

Jimin averted his eyes. He couldn't look at Taehyung as the latter continued.
"You never told me that you have someone. " Taehyung bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes sad for some reason.

Jimin's lips trembled. "I don't. " He responded as he remembered what happened between him and Jungkook.

"This isn't a hickey. "

People who feel the need to have control over the one they have feelings for often have a history of psychological trauma or neglect.

Neglect is more straightforward when a parent is absent when you need them and doesn't make you feel like your thoughts and feelings are noticed or important.
Here we are talking about his adoptive parents. We can as well add his real parents that got rid of him without an explanation. In his opinion, he wasn't good enough to be kept. He didn't deserve to be loved.
That's why now he feels this urge of searching for people to love him.

Also, he can't stop wanting to dominate them and hurt them because of his adoptive father when it comes to males. And hurt and play with them when it comes to girls (here it's about his adoptive mother and sister who always treated him bad and as a nobody).
He has this urge of dominating and punishing.