Deviant

twenty eight

~Restrained tears~

Your pov

When Mingyu entered the room, I was sitting somewhere on the floor near his bed as I ran my fingers through his hair in a soft caress.

Whenever I was seeing him like this, vulnerable, again lost in the darkness of his mind, unable to move, I felt a heavy ball in the pit of my stomach, threatening to suffocate me. I couldn't stop wondering when all of this will come to an end.

I swallowed at the feeling of a hand gently stroking my head. "Y/N..."

I'm so tired, I wanted to confess. I am so tired of feeling this powerless and scared. Can't I wish for more? Why do I have to be too scared to even dream of a future together? Why can't I hope that he will be alright?

I was this close to jumping to my feet and searching for Mingyu's chest, only to bury my face in it and cry. Just to yell out all the frustration, pain, and helplessness which consumed me from the inside out. I was exhausted from being strong, from acting like I have it all together. I needed a broad shoulder to cry on, and just let myself break down.

But I couldn't speak my thoughts out loud. I couldn't cry. Not when he was there. Not when there was a slight possibility that he might hear me complain. I didn't want to let him down. He sees me surefooted and steady, even when inside I was shaking. I didn't want him to feel a burden, nor to think that I'm tired of him. Because he wasn't a burden. He never was. And I will never be tired of protecting him.

But even knowing it, those words would still hurt him. And I couldn't bring him any kind of pain. I just don't want to see him going through this again and again. It's like he takes a step ahead just to take two steps back later.

"He will be unconscious for more than a half a day, Y/N. You can't wait like this until then. I'm sure your body aches already. You need to rest."

"I can't leave him. He feels me. He is aware of everything that happens around him." I whispered as I stared into his clouded, empty eyes. I couldn't lay next to him. I was scared I wasn't allowed to. I was scared of provoking him more pain.

"I will stay with him for you. I promise I will take care of him. When he will wake up I will send you a message and let you know."

I shook my head as I stroked his cheek with my fingers. "I'm ok. I'm not tired. I will stay with him, you, on the other hand, better talk to Jennie before I do."

"She left the house before I had the chance to say anything to her. She just stormed outside without a word."

"I think it's better if a take Jungkook and leave."

"Leave where, Y/N?"

"We can spend a few days at a hotel. We still have to talk to Naeun about what she knows. Everything depends on what she will tell us. Only after that, I can think of a plan. If we should fight and confront the authorities or... Run away again."

"A hotel room? Don't you think it's kinda dangerous to expose Jungkook like this?" Mingyu asked with disbelief.

"We will go at night, besides, I will take care of everything that is needed. No one will recognize Jungkook if he wears a hat and a mask or a pair of glasses. It seems that my parents didn't announce my disappearance, so my face isn't displayed anywhere."

"Y/N, this is your house also. I will talk to Jennie and..."

"She is obsessed with Jungkook," I spoke interrupting him. Then I grimaced, chuckling. "Maybe she has feelings for him, I don't know. But... It disturbs me. She... They slept together after all and I can't stay in the same house with her any longer."

"And I don't want to put you in a situation where you have to choose. Jennie is your family. Her place is here. Jungkook and I, well, we are not children. We can take care of ourselves. It wouldn't be the first time, so you don't have to worry about us. Don't you trust us?" I turned my head and smiled at him over my shoulder, wanting to transmit confidence and positivity. But my smile didn't last long as I saw his frown deepening into a scowl.

"Jungkook is also my family, Y/N. Of course, I want to be there for him and help him as much as I can. How can I not worry?"

"Think of your reputation. You're a great doctor, you don't need..."

"My reputation? Fuck that! I can't believe you're actually thinking of my reputation right now." Mingyu's blue eyes twinkled with anger. "Do you think that my fucking reputation is above my nephew? Why? Just because he was adopted, that doesn't mean he is less important to me. Because he damn is important! And you two better get that into your pretty heads. Because I'm not leaving you two. "

My eyes softened at the sight of a Mingyu wiping furiously his tears away.

"Fuck this shit." He whispered, embarrassed still wiping at his cheeks.

I stood up and turned around with my whole body to pull him in my arms, a soft gentle smile slowly spreading across my face.

"I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to end up in prison because of us. I never thought your feelings were insignificant. I don't want to trouble you." I muttered.

"But I want to be troubled by you. You're my family, don't you understand? When did I do anything for Jungkook? I was never there when he needed me. But I want to be there for him now. How could I choose Jennie and abandon him instead? Do you think that I would be able to live if anything happens to you two? I can't leave everything on your shoulders. You did so much already on your own. Of course, I'll send Jennie away. I can give her money to rent an apartment or something, but you'll not go anywhere. You will stay here, do you understand? End of discussion."

"Alright," I whispered as I pulled back and put some distance between us. "Jungkook would be happy if he would know your feelings and how much you care about him."

"He knows." Mingyu let out a sigh. "From our last conversation before hypnotizing him, I understood that he knows."

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted to tell him how much I regret not being there for him and how much I want to do something for him. But before having the chance to say more, he interrupted me, saying that he knows. He... Thanked me." Mingyu's lips pressed together, his eyes sad for some reason, before adding. "Why would he thank me? There is nothing I did for him to be thankful for. On the contrary. When he asked for my help, I didn't believe him. I thought that he was exaggerating and searching for attention as normal children do. But I was wrong. I should have listened to him. I was so stupid. I should have taken him away from there. Because of me, his life was destroyed. I'm at fault for everything that happened."

"Who would have imagined that their own family they had grown up with is this sick? Of course, you could not picture your brother doing all those stuff to a child. Don't torture yourself with the "what if" question. It will not change the past nor make you and Jungkook feel better. Don't let it consume your life. What's more important is what good can you do from then on. Jungkook is here. He needs you and trusts you more than he let you see. He tanked you because your good intentions reached his heart. Because he feels that you're genuinely concerned about him and want to help him. If you feel guilty for anything now it's your chance to do something about it." I smiled softly at him. "Though I'm sure Jungkook doesn't have negative feelings regarding you. Not anymore. Not after you helped him all those years in prison, and even now. He had already forgiven you, that's why he thanked you. You should know that he doesn't say those words easily."

At my words, Mingyu's shoulders relaxed and a small smile worked its way up to his lips. I was glad that I made him feel a little better. A moment ago he was this close to breaking into tears.

"It's something I didn't tell you, but I guess here it's not the right place." Mingyu seemed restless and I squeezed my brows together in concern.

What now? There is more? I thought it was enough already.

Mingyu's eyes shifted to Jungkook's unmoved frame lingering there for a few seconds before searching my face thoughtfully.

"It's about his real mother." He whispered and time suddenly stopped.

"You have to help me with this, Y/N. I'm scared of his reaction."

"She wants to see him."