Deviant

forty seven

~The end~

Your pov

"Help me," Jungkook said it again. This time his voice was low, husky, as I held him in my arms, finding ourselves still on the floor. I felt weak. I felt my lower lip burning. I was aware that it was still bleeding.

"What happened? Why did you react in such a way? You have to explain to me so that I can understand."

"You would never understand me. I can't control myself. My mind is playing tricks on me and I am doing things without thinking.
The pain I feel is too deep. It consumes me every time. Little by little."

Looking at his face, I could see drops of sweat appearing on his forehead and his breathing became a little faster. Reaching for my purse which was somewhere on the floor not too far from where I was sitting, I pulled out a syringe and a needle to prepare the dose of his medication, just in case.
I felt his eyes on me, and when I looked back at him, I took a deep breath seeing his teary eyes fixing the injection.

"I... saw you with someone. He was holding your hand and I... " Jungkook started to say, his voice almost a whisper, barely heard, his eyes now on his clasped hands on his lap.

My eyes widened. And all of this happened because of that?
Why? Why didn't I think? Of course, it was known that those with DID have trust issues and that they can't control their anger and hostility. There will be always a sense of betrayal. It was something they couldn't control. I should've known that. Damn it. I should be more careful. Why was it so hard? Why did I keep forgetting all the time that he was different?

"Jinyoung is the one who hired me to take care of the old lady I am always going to see. He is her grandson.
He was kind enough to bring me home. If he held my hand, that was him thanking me. It was like a form of respect. I would never look at him like I am looking at you. It's no reason to feel scared. Don't you know my heart already? "

I got on my knees after I placed the injection in my purse. Then I grabbed his cheeks tightly between my palms forcing him to look at me, into my eyes.
"Can't you see how I am struggling just to see you safe and be with you? Do you think that I would do this for anyone? Giving up on everything, working day and night?
Why? Why can't you give me your trust? What do you want me to do more so you can believe in me? "

"I am sorry," Jungkook bit his lip, his eyes closing tightly.
"I just... lost myself back there. The idea of someone else touching you... combined with my already damaged brain, it was too much for me to handle."

I was afraid that I was going crazy myself. Because actually, his words made me happy. He cared.
He had feelings for me. Now I was surely more than ever. But was it enough?

"What do you feel about me, Jungkook? "

Still holding his cheeks in my hands, he didn't open his eyes. His breathing was still a little faster and harder than normal as his hand cupped the left side of my neck bringing me closer until our faces were within an inch of touching. Then his eyes opened and my heart fluttered seeing them so close, watching me intensely.
Those intelligent eyes I came to adore, now tormented with insecurity, pained me.
I could recognize my bad boy. So easily. I could recognize him from thousands of eyes. And his little smirk as he was analyzing me, remembered me of my lovely playboy. Yes. It was him. The one I always wanted to see. The one I wanted to reach. The real one. And indeed I loved all his good and bad sides. I loved him completely. Sane or ill. I didn't care.

"I feel so many things at once. You wouldn't wish to be inside me right at this moment. Because you wouldn't be able to survive. That much it hurts."

My chest trembled the moment his tears started to fall one by one. I could sense the despair in his voice. The way his hand was trembling against my skin.
I knew. My heart knew even if I wanted to deny it. It was too much darkness, suffering, hurt, and hate.
I wanted to wipe his tears away but he didn't let me. Because he already wrapped his fingers around my wrists before pulling me in a tight, warm embrace.