Deviant

Twenty six

~Only you~

Alright." I murmured against his lips. "Then tell me, how do you see us in the future, Jungkook." I smiled and closed my eyes at the feeling of his soft lips on the tip of my nose. I pressed my body against his and wrapped my arms around his neck. I had no idea what to think. We were actually discussing this.

"Like this every day."

"Pervert." I chuckled. His lips twisted into a grin as he tightened his arms around my waist. Our naked bodies pressing against one another under the sheet. My cheeks flushed red, my heart skipped a beat at the proximity.

"I'm happy you feel this way. I have to admit that I was a little scared. Let's face it, commitments and relationships weren't your things. Of course, I want to be with you forever but with everything that is happening I need to focus more on our situation and come up with solutions. Only after then, I can allow myself to dream and hope for a beautiful future together. Apart from that, I never wanted to make you feel pressured in some way. Never take my silence or my words in a negative way. Don't you already know what you mean to me?"

"People's hearts can change so fast." Jungkook lowered his gaze, avoiding eye contact.
"I know that you're different. You've done so many things for me, for someone who was a stranger in your life. Yes, you're right. This indeed feels like a beautiful and unreal dream. I am asking myself every second why did you risk your career, your freedom for someone like me. And keep stuck with me. Even when you love someone, you don't sacrifice so many things and make so many compromises. Eventually, it gets tiring. But yet you had so much patience and consideration. You are really something, actually jumping into a relationship with someone who isn't fully normal, even dangerous according to others. Without knowing what to expect from them. Even risking to go to bed and never wake up."

"I guess you will never understand how I feel about you and how much you've changed my life." I smiled warmly as I took his cheeks between my hands forcing him to look into my eyes. Eventually he did.

"Yes, everything was perfect in my life. I had a dream, I studied what I liked the most, I was an independent girl who managed to take care of herself without anyone's help, I had a peaceful life. But...

I wasn't living for real. Not until I met you. I was empty. I came to realize that as we started to spend our time together in that spooky place. I was lonely and... " I paused and caressed the mole under his lower lip with my lips.

"And?"

"I had no one to fight for. I never wanted anyone. Nothing was thrilling. No one ever caught my attention." Now I was the one to avert my eyes from his. I never wanted him to know just everything about me. Some things are better hidden.

He was confused, I could tell from the way his heated, beautiful eyes roamed my face.

"You were wanted by everyone, especially Naeun. From the first moment, I was aware of her feelings for you. Her eyes would reveal desire and lust each time you were around. I am sure it's not something foreign to you." I whispered and hid my face in the crook of his neck, feeling like hiding behind something, just so I would not feel his penetrating gaze upon me.

"I also wanted that. To have someone special who would make me look that way at them. I was jealous and frustrated. Naeun was the opposite of me. My parents always told me that I was too distant, cold, quiet, and closed. Because I wasn't very good at expressing my feelings nor eager to do it, not many people would bunch up to be my friend. The thing is that I didn't even give too much importance. People's opinion was never something I craved for. But this until I met you. From then on everything had changed. I couldn't figure you out. You were an enigma that I had to decipher. You were beautiful, yet innocent. But as soon as you woke up, you started to intrigue me. Those two sides of yours, for the first time ever, had the power to bring up to the surface feelings I never knew I could have.
You could be rude, mean, smart, frustrating, sweet, kind, loveable. And it was so easy to show them all. So different from me. I started to like being around you and wanted to know more about you. Even if I didn't want to recognize it, especially to myself, I wanted you to myself. For the first time in my life, I wanted someone to accept me and see me only. But I had no idea where to start and how to make that happen. For the first time, I tasted the fear of being rejected. For the first time, I was afraid that some girl will take you away from me because she was true to herself and her feelings for you. Like Naeun. She wasn't scared to show you how she felt. And there I was nothing more than a block of ice."