Deviant

forty two

~Give up on him~

After everything that happened, Jungkook started to ignore me. Every time I was visiting him, he was just turning his face in the opposite direction without giving me a glance or a word.

He didn't seem upset or angry anymore. His eyes were empty, his expression without a trace of any feeling.
It was like he gave up fighting. Like he didn't care anymore what was happening to him.

I tried to make him eat. I was actually bringing him various food prepared by me just to see him eat. But my hard work was in vain and I was forced to throw away the food many times.

Now again I was sitting on a chair, close to his bed, with a bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other.
"Just one? Please? "

But he turned his head in the opposite direction again, ignoring me completely.

"You are such a stubborn little kid. Selfish and stubborn. You really don't give a shit how I feel seeing you this way? "

"I never asked for this. You should have just let me be. This way it wouldn't have been a pain for you."

"You can't understand, do you? No matter what I would do or say, you just can't understand." I said to him before letting out a deep sigh. But I wasn't giving up this easily.
Standing up, I leaned toward him and placed one hand on the back of his neck, grabbing him as I forced the spoon between his parted lips.

Our eyes locked and he glared at me, then stubbornly pressed his lips together.

"Please." I smiled warmly at him, but my tears gave me away.

Jungkook closed his eyes for a brief a moment before finally parting his lips open with a sigh.

And I was the happiest being alive.

Your eyes were shining as you shoved another spoon full of food into his mouth. And Jungkook accepted to be fed by you. It was hard to swallow all that food, but he somehow managed to do it.
You were so happy and you were looking so lovingly into his eyes that he couldn't say 'no' to you anymore. But actually letting himself be fed by someone, it never happened before. It wasn't a very pleasant feeling, but if it was you...

"Thank you." You smiled widely as you stroked his head gently, losing yourself in his eyes and the feeling of his soft hair through your fingers.

Jungkook kept silent as he looked back at you. Analyzing your features better, he could see how tired you looked, because of him.
He couldn't help but ask himself why were you still there if he was such a pain. He couldn't understand your feelings. It was something new to him, something he never had before. But only with you.

For the next few minutes, the only thing you were doing was caressing his hair and cheeks as you looked at each other. You couldn't help yourself. You just wanted to touch him a little.  And he accepted your touches. Even if you were the one who brought him to that place, even if he wanted to hate you, he just couldn't. Not when you looked so worried. Not after he saw you crying because of him.
When you brushed his cheek slightly with your fingers, Jungkook closed his eyes slowly, the amount of feelings he had at once overwhelmed him.
Some feelings he couldn't understand, but some he knew very well. And he was aware that he will never be able to get rid of them.

Your touch sent a strange warmth to the pit of his stomach, his chest tightened and he felt his heartbeat increasing. He felt like crying. This reaction he couldn't understand.
But your touch,  also brought him back to his past,  to those moments when he felt trapped, powerless and disgusted. These feelings he knew very well. And these feelings were powerful, unbearable, and burning him from the inside out. Just like always, tearing him apart.

"Y/N." Your mother approached you as soon as you closed the door behind you, leaving Jungkook alone, sleeping.

Your father was there as well and you could read worry on his features as he was searching for his words.
But your mother was the one who spoke first.

"We can see that you care so much about that boy. We never saw you so genuinely concerned about someone. But we can also see how much this is affecting you."

You had a strange feeling growing in the pit of your stomach. The way they were looking at each other before looking again your way, made you restless.

"We think it will be better if you will stay away from that boy. "

"No... "

"We know what happened to him. We know that it's not his fault for being this way, for having his brain messed up. Fate was unfair to him. But he also is a criminal, Y/N. He killed his own family. He killed the director of the prison with the knife he had upon him. He also injured the doctor, almost killing him. He is dangerous.
These people will take care of him. He is now in a place where those like him should stay locked up. You can't do more."

"Please, stop," you whispered as you covered your ears. It hurt so much your mother's words. Those like him...' You hated those words. You knew she was right, but you couldn't leave him alone. Not when you knew he needed you.

"We can't let you destroy your life like this. You are young. You are a smart and bright student. You have all your life ahead of you and we don't want to see you destroy yourself because of this boy," your father said as he placed his hand on your shoulder. Then he continued, "We talked with the doctors who consulted him. He has no chance, Y/N. I am so sorry, but his condition has no chance of improvement. He will be lost forever. After so many years of being constantly abused and drugged, his brain will not be able to function normally. He had to do with people who knew very well how to twist a child's mind, for their own purposes. Because Jungkook was only four when everything started, and not only that but also as he was vulnerable after being abandoned in an orphanage, he was the perfect target for pedophiles."

"So please, starting from tomorrow, do not come here anymore."

"What about Jungkook. What will happen to him? " You whispered, eyes pinned on your father's hand on your shoulder.

"They will lock him up in a room especially made for him, where he will not be able to hurt himself."

The only thing you did was nod your head and tell them that you understand.

After they left, you went back to him, and taking Jungkook by surprise, you wrapped your arms around him and started to cry against his chest.

"Y/N? What is it? "

"I am so sorry. I am so sorry for disappointing you by bringing you here. I made a mistake."

"I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that this way I am helping you. I was so naive. "

Jungkook didn't know what to say as you buried your face in his neck this time, your arms tightening around him, taking his breath away.
You replayed your parent's words in your mind. And you knew how his life will be from this moment on. Just like before. They will do some tests on him and then leave him in a corner. Again, alone, with no one to care about him.

And then you knew what you had to do.