Deviant

fifteen

Two?

Jungkook opened his eyes before the sun even made its way full awakening in the sky.
Even with a small window placed somewhere on the wall above his bed, the room was still dark. Jungkook stayed like that; laying on the bed until the sun rose.
Biting his lips painfully, he tried to remember what happened the previous day, but it was all in vain. His mind was blank. He only remembered waking up, Taehyung strangling him and that was it. What happened after that it was a mystery.

Swallowing his spit, he could feel it again. The taste of chocolate.
Every single day he had that sweet taste in his mouth, but he never knew why that was. He never saw a piece of chocolate or recalled eating any.

He sighed.
He couldn't stop asking himself if the day he will not feel lost will ever come.
He didn't even know who he was anymore. It was like he had lost his personality.
Sometimes he would ask himself if he was a product of his mind. If he was even real, to begin with.

Then he felt you. It was morning. Maybe around 4 a.m
You came earlier, the sun wasn't even up yet. He knew why you came because he felt his shirt annoyingly wet and sticking to his skin. Maybe he had been drugged again. But surprisingly enough, he was conscious.

The moment you opened the door, he sat on the edge of the bed waiting.
Jungkook couldn't see you too well, but he was sure that it was you by your fragrance. Every time you were near him, your fragrance would make him dizzy.

"Why are you here so early? " Jungkook asked as he took off his shirt before taking the other shirt from your extended hand.

"I already was around so... "

"Did you even go to your house?" He asked again. He knew about you having a day off yesterday, so he couldn't understand why you were already here. He had a bad feeling about all of this.

" No." You whispered. I just took a nap here. Mingyu has a couch in his office, so it wasn't a big deal. There was no use in going home for only a few hours. "

"What did I do? "

"Nothing."

Jungkook raised an eyebrow at that.
"You're lying. Why would you be here otherwise? Tell me. I don't need to be protected. I am not a child." He whispered out loud as he pulled the white shirt over his head. His full attention was now on you.

You kept silent. He waited.

"But you really didn't do anything." You smiled at him. After all, it was true. It wasn't him who did that monstrosity. And you didn't want to hurt him. Not after what happened between the two of you. But of course, he was clueless.

Jungkook nodded his head slowly. He wasn't convinced but he let it be. Maybe because he wasn't mentally prepared after all to find out about something terrible he may have done.
"I heard that... you are studying... psychotherapy." Jungkook swallowed hard. When it came to this subject, something within him would tear apart because he was one of those people. The ones with mental problems. So that word always reminded him of that. That he wasn't normal. That he will never be normal. Not like he ever was anyway.

"Yes." You responded to him after placing yourself next to him, on the bed.

"Tell me... Did you figure out who I am?"

Your eyes widened at his low words. You didn't expect to hear this question coming from his mouth. Even if you couldn't see his face clearly, from the way he asked you, you knew that this was something hard for him to talk about. But also, how much it meant to him.

"Yes." You laughed shyly. "You are a bad boy, a jerk, and annoying as hell."

You chuckled when you saw his lips parting in shock, his eyes wide open as he was glaring at you.

Then you continued:
"Sweet... sometimes, very rarely actually. A boy who doesn't believe in people. Someone scared of letting someone else enter his life.
Lost and... so scared of the unknown and darkness."

"You are real." You added after a long pause.

Your last words had a great impact on Jungkook. Every single day since he was held there, he asked himself this question. At least in those short moments, he was conscious. And you responded to him just like that. Without you even being aware of that fact. How important it was for him.
"It's the first time."

"What is? "

"When someone doesn't see me as a monster who killed his family when they look at me.
When someone actually sees... me. This me. You are the only one who could see the difference between the two of us. And who thinks I am the real one."

"Two? " You eyebrows crushed together at that. There are two of you? "

Jungkook glanced your way, confusion was all you could see on his features.
"Yes? I thought that you knew. There are only two of us. Me... and the other one."

Your heart was pounding now, ready to jump out of your chest.

"Are you sure about that? "

"Yes. I don't know what he does or what he thinks of, but I feel him."

No.

He lied to me from the first moment.

He lied about everything.

I started to cry. It hurt.

He made fun of me.

He made fun of all of us.

He wasn't real.

You were looking at me shocked because you did not know what your other self did to me. You didn't know why I was crying in front of you. I think it was the first time I was crying in front of anyone.

Why does it hurt? Why did my heart trembled so hard.

I came to like him.
I came to have feelings for him.
He was dear to me.
But he never existed. That sweet boy was never there, to begin with.
And he laughed behind my back.
His sweet words were all an act.
He made fun of my feelings.

"Y/N? "

I covered my face with my trembling hands.
I was embarrassed.
I didn't want you to see me like this.
It hurt, and I didn't know what to do.
It wasn't even your fault.

"Tell me that it wasn't you," I begged you with my eyes. You, the bad boy. Please tell me that it's only one monster, not two. Not you as well.

"Me?
What did I do? Did I hurt you? "

You were sad. You bit your lip under my teary eyes. You weren't lying. You didn't know anything. I will trust you. Only this once. Only this time.

But you... you monster. I will never forgive you. You pretended to be someone else. You snake. This was the only way you could have gotten under my skin and into my heart. This is how you thought, isn't it? By being sweet and caring. By pretending.
But trust me when I say that...
You will never have me.

"Please. Don't cry. I am so sorry. What did I do that hurt you so much?"
You took me in your arms and caressed my head gently.

You could be warm as well. I didn't know that.

"You... I thought that a part of you liked me." I cried as I buried my face in the crook of your neck.
I was so ashamed. But I needed to tell you. This way maybe I will ease my heart.
"I am so sorry. I... kissed you again without your consent and... I was so happy at that moment."

I felt your arms frozen around me.
My heart was wildly beating as I was hiding my face from you.
"I thought that somewhere inside of you was another personality. A sweet one who really liked me. But... It was all a lie."

"I am sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's mine.
Because I was so stupid. "