Deviant

thirty nine

Who am I

Jungkook pov

"All the time I wondered how would you be. I tried to imagine you. How would you feel after waking up, after accepting everything that was done to you. I wanted to know you. All of you. Not only a few parts that lay within you. I...Wanted to understand your mind."

Who do you like Y/N? Who do you want?

You.

Your words kept replaying in my mind like a broken tape.
What was I doing?
For what was I here again?
What was I searching for?

It was all because of you.
I couldn't keep on pretending that nothing is happening.
I couldn't hide and let them control my body.
I couldn't run away from reality anymore. This fucking reality.

Because of you.

Hearing their voices.
Hearing how they felt about you.
It was painful.
And disgusting.

I wanted to kill you.
I wanted to make you disappear.
But something inside me didn't let me do so.
It was that part of mine I hated the most. That part who loves and cherishes you.

'She took care of me. She actually cooked for me and bought me clothes.' He cried. For the first time, I heard him crying. I couldn't understand that part of mine. That's why I hated it the most. Because he was so stupid. Because he thought he was real.
'Please don't hurt her. She is the only one who truly cared for me. Don't take her away from me.'

(It was the bad boy)

It was dark and cold as I was heading without a clue where. Even if it was late, the streets were still crowded.
Every time someone bumped into me by accident, my body would react. I couldn't help but push them away. I couldn't help but hate everyone.

I walked and walked until I stopped somewhere in a narrow and dark alley behind city buildings. I searched for the darkest corner, and eventually, I found it. Then I sat down there, on the ground, and closed my eyes for a few minutes.
Then a few seconds later the whole street suddenly glittered, bathed in brilliant light. It was annoying so I had to search for another dark spot.

Pulling out the knife, I stared at it as I leaned my back against a wall of a building a few steps further.

In my head could be found only the memories I had with that family. Everything I endured day by day. That woman that I hated so much. That man who destroyed my life. That little girl that was so annoying, who had everything I never had and who always was throwing it in my face.

I wanted to forget. But I couldn't.
They destroyed my life.
I didn't have a life anymore because of them.
They made me a deviant person. An abnormal one.
Someone full of disappointment, frustration, and hate.

Even now just like always, I felt lost and lonely.
But again I couldn't cry.

Your pov

After he left I didn't even have the power to turn the lights on. I was sitting on the floor, tears flowing down my cheeks as I was thinking about him. Where he could be. If he was feeling cold. If he felt lost and frightened. I couldn't stop worrying.

I wanted to say to him so many things.
I couldn't stop thinking about my bad boy asking me so many times if he was real. And every time I said to him that he was. And I needed to say it again. Because he is real. They all are real. Because he wouldn't be a whole without them. They are a part of him I come to care for. And not only. They had their sweet side which I come to love as well. And I needed them to know that. I don't know why but I imagined my bad boy crying. I was sure he realized what was happening now that Jungkook woke up. I was sure he was hurt.

Why couldn't I hold him in my arms and assure him that everything will be alright? Why  wasn't I able to make him stay?
I was afraid that he will do something stupid. In his eyes, I could see so much hate. Hate towards me, towards everyone.
But before something bad would happen, I was ready to search for him everywhere and bring him home.

But for doing that I needed help. And I had to talk to my parents.
They worked in police and had many connections. It will be a pain, I was aware of that. But I was their only daughter so I was sure they will do anything for me. I never asked anything from them until now.

The next day Mingyu contacted me and let me know what happened with the director of the prison
His family found him in the house, dead. Someone stabbed him in the stomach and of course, I instantly made the connection with Jungkook. I was terrified, but I didn't say a word about it. I kept everything to myself.

"Actually, Jin had a room that was always locked. Even his family didn't know what was found inside. Jin told them that there was his office and held important documents of some prisoners, so that's why the room had to be locked for safety.
But because he was found dead there, the door was wide open and we found nothing inside. We don't know what he protected so much even from his family." Mingyu let me know.

"Jungkook was with you?"

"Yes," I assured him, even if it was a big lie.

We already had our suspicions regarding Jin. Even if Taehyung couldn't find anything against him,  Mingyu and I still suspected him of being the one abusing and drugging Jungkook in prison. And I was sure Jungkook was the one who killed him.
Maybe he had all the right to do so from his point of view. But it was still wrong. No matter what. Killing people makes things worse. Especially for a person with mental illness.

So all I had to do was to find him and then lock him somewhere before it will be too late. I had no other choice.
As much as my heart was against it.
If I had to put him in a straitjacket, I would do it without a second thought. Even if he will hate me afterward.