Danger (DarkxAntixBlankxMadpatxNatemarexReader)

Chapter 18

WARNING - Does discuss rape

I decide whether or not I want to answer. I sigh.
"I don't want to have that talk and no...nothing happened" I say in a low voice. I get up and duck under Mark when he tries to stop me from leaving the room. I leave the room but I don't know where to go. I can't ever get away from them. Why do things have to keep going from all cheery to these talks they need to have with me? Why do they keep pushing me to express myself? I don't need to tell them anything. Stop trying to barge into my personal life! I don't do that to you then why the fuck do you guys that to me?!

My mind starts to break down. The little voice in my head is yelling at me, it's yelling at them. What is going on?

I start to realize my hands are shaking and I'm breathing really heavy. I don't even notice that Mark grabs my hand. My legs start to buckle from underneath me. What the fuck is happening? I fall to the ground. I can't breathe. I can barely hear the boys, they're all muffled. I suddenly hear this high pitched ringing and then
"Hello darling, nice to talk to you again" From that, I just scream. I break down, crying. I have this huge migraine now and I just feel sick.

I get up and dash to the bathroom just to hide myself. I lock the door behind me and slide down against the door. Why are you in my head? I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone. I've escaped, I've escaped, I've escaped. Am I going insane? I hear the one of the boys start banging on the door.
"Y/N, let us in, now" Mark demands.
"No, stay the fuck away from me!" I yell at him. They all start banging on the door.
"Leave me alone!"
"No, open the damn door!" Yells Sean.
"I said leave me the fuck alone!" I yell louder than I ever have.
"I mean it. This is your guy's fucking faults!" They have stopped banging on the door.
"What have we done?" Asks Nate.
"You push me too much" I say in a quieter and weaker voice.
"You push me to explain things and tell you everything. I don't need to tell you every fucking detail of every bad thing that has happened in my shitty fucking life. I told you nothing happened. I wrote the song because I'd thought it was good and it was something I threw together also hoping that if I did write it professionally it would help others" I start to cry a bit more. I try not to make it sound like I'm crying though.
"I don't want to have that stupid talk. What I said was right. Nobody gives a shit about me while you guys have millions of people that love you. I don't care if you guys give me that speech saying "oh, we love you. We care about you" I don't care. I don't want to hear it. I've lost everything that I need to live for so they might as well should've killed me. I stayed alive for you guys because I know if I died in front of you guys...you'd never forgive me" I get up and wipe my tears.

I open the door but just look down. I start to walk to my bedroom to get ready for bed and get the boys stuff so they can sleep. I don't want to tell them this but might as well even though I just threw a huge fit about them continually asking about my life story.
"I was a kid, maybe 8 years old. I had ran away from home. I kept running and running. I knew I'd be leaving my mom behind but I couldn't stay with my dad anymore. He was abusive and how stupid I was to leave my mom with him" I sigh.
"I stopped running after a while and hid in a little opening. It was a bad idea" I gulp for the next part.
"I was raped at 8 years old" I say quietly.
"It was by these three men that were walking down the street and saw me hiding. After that happened, I just sat down and cried. I don't remember much after that. The next day after I woke up so I did end up falling asleep sooner or later, I knew I needed food so I went to the store. I didn't have too much money with me so I had to resort to stealing some things sometimes. The one day, my mom passed by me because she was looking for me. I had my hood up so she had to look at me again to make sure that it was in fact me. After she figured that out, she came and hugged me. I remember the exact words she said to me "I am so sorry, I will never let you go again". But she did" Tears start to form but I hold them back.
"It was getting dark and we were going to the store. She had taken money from my dad so she could get food for both herself and for me once she found me. When we were headed to the store, the same guys that raped me found us. They tossed us into an opening and held me back. They made me watch my mom get raped...and then killed her right in front of me. God, we lived in such a shitty neighborhood. I don't know why my mom didn't think of moving. We had the money" I grab blankets and pillows for the boys.

"I couldn't go back to living with my dad so I was forced to stay in an orphanage. No one wanted me. I had no friends, I pretty much kept to myself anyways. I would sneak out to go work at a job I found that would hire me. A few years went by and I was in and out of orphanages because I would always run away. I was still going to school and still working. I didn't go to college, I wanted to but it was just too much for me. I just kept working and after a while I had enough money to travel here and buy my own house. So I quite my job, came here and bought this house. So ever since I was around 18-19, I've been living here. Then I met you guys and everything became great again. I could leave all that behind and I was happy. It was tough getting to where I am now but I did it. No one knows that story besides you guys now" I avoid looking them in the face and bring the pillows and blankets downstairs.

"Y/N, we are so sorry" Says Ethan.
"It's fine" I smile a bit.
"I got you guys now. That was also the time I learned to fight and started getting daggers and bringing them with me incase something happened. The daggers help with rope but some of them can also unlock handcuffs. I also just have them because I really like daggers as well" I place everything down and make everything look nice.
"If you guys can't fall asleep, you can watch tv" They all get comfortable and relax. I give them a little smile
"Goodnight"

Author -
Hey! I know it was a lot thrown at you in one chapter but I thought "oh, I should give them a REALLY shitty background just cuz" so ya.