I WILL REMEMBER YOU | KTH

🦋DEPRESSION🦋

Double Update

Past

Y/N's POV

Ohh my god I am going insane, it's been a week with the same gloomy face, red nose..watery eyes. The situation is so pathetic that I can't even tell my mom what's going on with me!?.

I know she would have understood, but the question would be, why at the first place I fell for such trap. They are already stressing over some business issues and Dad's not well these days. On top of that I can't just go and tell them about what happened to me, mom will get more stressed and it isn't all my fault.

I have deleted Taehyung's number. And removed him from my Instagram. I didn't have the courage to block him. And he too didn't even try to message me after that. Afterall what will he ask me now? There's nothing left, Forgiveness my foot.

There's nothing that can distract me from this presently. Other friends tried to call and text but I didn't pick up their call  neither replied to them, because I just wanted time alone.

The worst news in top of everything was that Taehyung's dad is a reputed man, so almost the newspapers, media and internet was flooded with the pictures of his son and daughter in law. I saw their wedding picture, Sungrin was smiling..though Taehyung was looking fine.

The only realisation I was getting through the newspaper was how badly I was used and replaced as he moved on in his life.

I switched on Instagram to scroll, but the bad part was that it's flooded with sad and depressing heartbreak stuffs. I don't know it's true or not but when you get into a fight with someone, or just have lost a bond...then everything on social media feels so relatable like the way it was looking to me.

The articles read as follows:

"All the signs were there. But do you know why I didn't listen? Because I wanted to trust you. I wanted to believe your feelings were real. I wanted to believe you meant what you said. I wanted to believe the way you looked at me meant you were going to stay no matter what. I wanted to believe you didn't want to hurt me. I wanted to believe you were different. No, I thought you were different."

It was real for me. I don't know what it was for you. But for me. It was real. It meant more than it should have. i was willing to be with you forever. And that's what hurts the most.

"This wasn't supposed to happen, I wasn't supposed to love you like this. When I first met you I wouldn't have ever imagined that you would be the one I would ache for, the one whose name leaves me with this nostalgic pain. You mean more to me than I ever expected."

"She loved you and you knew that. Part of me thinks you loved her too but a love as strong as hers, it scared the fuck out of you."

"do you want to know the worst part about walking away?' she asks him.
'it's hoping that they'll run after you. that they'll stop you and tell you not to leave. that they'll beg you to stay. that they'll tell you they need you,' she says. but they never do. you never did.""

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The worst part is that it was so relatable in my case, and reading them made me think more and more, and regret more and more.

At times I tried to calm myself, tried to ask myself.

"Y/N it's over, it was nothing forget him like a bad dream"

But it wasn't possible. I didn't knew how to forget Tae, my life was going normal. I was smiling to atleast show my parents that's there's nothing wrong with me. Helping mom in kitchen, spending time watering the plants in garden, talking to mother nature just incase this healing process will be ending soon, I even tried to do cooking.

I was trying everything possible all day long to just forget him, and keep myself busy.

Mom knew I was being harsh on myself. But I smiled saying it's my work, and I am enjoying. Definitely I was enjoying the pain, the heart ache my lover gave me.

The worst part of everything was that even though, I was trying to keep myself busy throughout the day. His thoughts crossed my mind twice everyday, making me miss him more, he was married..it was betrayal. Still I wasn't able to forget him, why was it so hard? My heart used to pain..that unusual pain you feel when you loose someone special of your life.

Our memories flashback were haunting me. I used to cry thinking about us and our talks...how we were so incomplete without eachother's company, and now he is living far away from me. Didn't for once he missed me.

Eventhough he played with me, but wasn't there even a bit of soft corner left for me in his heart? Was the question which came in my mind everyday...and I had no answers to it.

Though it was mutual thing to end up everything between us, because the way he insulted me that day was not to be forgiven ever. I will move on, was something I knew. But definitely you made it impossible for me to trust or love anyone again Taehyung. You made it so hard for me.

I know I will forget about us and you with time, but the last moment betrayal will never be forgotten,...as you were fucking playing with my feelings.

Two days later

It's Sunday Mom and Dad, went out for some business meetings. I was all alone at home...trying to focus on my projects and I had also signed up forms for some interviews.
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They said that they will return soon, the wind were strong today..it felt like some storm will come..weather had become bad all of a sudden and I was all alone in the house. Wishing that they both should return home soon.

With time slipping off, my fear started to grow more deep. I was feeling scared..I didn't know whom to ask...where to call. They were not picking their phones. The storm was very strong tonight and it was a heavy down pour. And all I could do was to pray to god to help my parents.

But that day my parents didn't return home.

There came a news, a news of their demise. The only people whom I loved to life were no more in this world. They have left me, according to police my father was drunk and he couldn't manage the car in the havoc and I lost my mom and dad.

I became an orphan now, deprived of my first love now God also snatched my parents away from me.

What sins did I do in my past life that I got this sort of punishment, there was noone left to be called mine in this world. Then what am I living for...???!!

Taehyung's sudden leave from my life made me prone to the anxiety attacks, which I used to get every now and then when something was referred about him, or maybe when I did a lot of brainstorming about him.

I still remember I was unconscious and in hospital for around ten days after my parents left this world. There was no one to look after me...

I remained in depression for around three months and was medicated at my aunt's house itself. I stayed with my aunt and uncle for few days, eventhough they tried their best but still they weren't my parents. I lost so much in life that I didn't have courage to deal with what stood ahead, I became too weak to trust anyone again.

That's a different case that Jimin became an angel in my life later on. Though it took tok long for me to even adjust with him.
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PRESENT

God was cruel, and my fate was so twisted. First I lost Taehyung and then my parents too.

After going through this much, it's surely so difficult to still be back with him, but how should I make my heart understand this. Jimin has been my guardian angel, so if he isn't talking to me..is angry with me. He has that rights, he did look after me when I had noone..worked for strengthening me...gave me mental support, but not  for me to end back in Taehyung's life.

That's a different case that I am not going back to Tae, but how should I explain this to Jimin.

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

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