Miss Not Perfectly Fine

Welcome To New York

Before I knew it, we had landed in New York. The jolt of the jet woke me up. I was really comfortable in my position so I didn't want to move but I couldn't stay there forever. I reluctantly sat up and got ready to get off the jet. I put my blanket away and grabbed my bags. Then, Taylor's security checked to make sure that paparazzis weren't there and let us out. We quickly got in the car before anyone could find us and take pictures of us. I look like a mess, I don't need those pictures out on the internet.

The ride back to Taylor's apartment was quiet. We were tired from the flight. Thankfully, it was already 9pm here in New York. We were gonna get to sleep as soon as we get to the apartment. I leaned my head against the window and looked outside. It was still so busy in the city with so many cars and lights. I love New York. It's so magical to me.

"Taylor, you should let me move here permanently. I like it here way better than Washington." I told her. I heard her laugh.

"I would love for you to move in with me but you have school to go to. And plus, just two more years and you can go anywhere." She pointed out.

"But still. I'll go to school here." I suggested.

"Skylar you are stuck with your dad and I in Washington," Mom said.

When we got to Taylor's apartment, we grabbed our bags, went inside, and walked straight upstairs to our rooms. Taylor offered to give me my own room but I like Taylor's room better so that room's a guest room right now. Taylor's bed is huge and fluffy and comfy and warm. Also, I don't like sleeping alone for reasons. I grabbed my pjs and went to the bathroom to go get ready for bed.

I looked at the mirror and absolutely despised the way I looked. I can hear random voices reading the tweets about the way I look. I turned away and quickly got changed before I started crying. I can't let Taylor find out. At least not tonight. I'm sure she forgot about the topic and I'd like to keep it that way.

After going through my night routine, I walked out of the bathroom and flopped onto the bed. I plugged my phone in the charger, set them down, and closed my eyes. I have no idea what the plan is for tomorrow but I wanna sleep as much as I can. I pulled the covers over me and went to sleep.

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I woke up at around 8. No alarm, no one waking me up, just naturally woke up. I looked over to Taylor and saw that she was still sleeping. So I closed my eyes and tried going back to sleep again. However, Taylor had already opened her eyes by then.

"Good morning Sky," She said in a raspy voice.

"Morning, sorry for waking you up," I said.

"Don't worry about it, I had my alarm set for 8:30 anyways," She said and sat up. "So, the tweet?" Taylor started. Shit. She remembered. When I didn't say anything, Taylor continued. "No, I didn't forget about it. You know it's gonna stay between you and me. Just tell me." She said and looked down at me. I sighed and thought about what could happen. If I don't tell her, she'd tell mom and dad and maybe even Austin. If I did tell her, she'd make a huge deal out of it and maybe even find out about me not eating. Or at least she'd watch me closely whenever we eat. I didn't want either to happen. Fuck you random paparazzi that outed me like this. I hate you.

"Taylor, it's really not that big of a deal. It's just a tweet. It happens all the time to you." I said without saying anything about the actual tweet.

"It is a big deal when you're affected by it enough to the point where a paparazzi mentioning it can cause you to tense up. Skylar, a paparazzi's comment never bothers you." Taylor made a valid point. That's true. They do bring up a lot of rumor stuff and social media stuff but I usually don't care. It sucks having someone know so much about you sometimes. "Here, let me just make this easy on you. Is it this tweet?" Taylor pulled out her phone and showed me the tweet that is, indeed, the one that's bothering me. I stayed silent. She took it as a yes. "You know this is complete bullshit right? This isn't true. It's some insecure person trying to bring you down to make themself feel better." Taylor continued. I felt tears building up again so I looked the other way and pulled the covers up over my head. I felt Taylor's hand rubbing my arm up and down. This made me cry harder. I think my breathing was getting faster. Seeing it all over again made me remember all the replies and quote retweets that I read. And now Taylor knows too. I think Taylor caught on to the fact that I was slowly starting to hyperventilate. She pulled the covers down from my head and pulled me closer to her.

"T-taylor I ca-can-t bre-breath-e," I tried telling her in between breaths.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here. Try to match your breathing to mine, okay?" She pulled me into a hug and rested my head where her heart was. I tried to breathe at her pace but it wasn't working. Taylor kept saying comforting things and tried calming me down. "You're safe. I'm with you and I'll always be with you. I'll protect you, I promise." Taylor kept whispering in my ear. I got my breathing back to somewhat normal but I couldn't stop crying. This shit hurt. And for some reason, having my sister know about it hurt more because I know it hurt her too. I cried in her arms for another 10 minutes until I was just silently crying. I was so tired already and it wasn't even 9 yet.

After I calmed down a bit more, we just sat there. Taylor rocked me back and forth and I just sat embraced in her arms. "Can we please just talk about this later?" I finally asked her. I didn't wanna go though this again right now.

"Yeah that's alright. Tonight. Before we sleep. Okay?" I nodded. I guess I'd rather just get it over with today.

The rest of the day went normally. I could feel Taylor watching me every time I ate. I made sure to finish everything that was served so she'd think I'm okay. Other than that, we just watched movies and hung out since starting tomorrow, things were gonna get pretty hectic.

I dreaded tonight but I tried not to think too much about it. I didn't want to psych myself out. All I really have to do is explain to her what's going on, how I'm feeling, and how I'm dealing with it. As long as I convince her that I'm not affected by it, she'd leave me alone. I don't know how I'm gonna pull that off because she sees through so many lies but I'm still gonna try.