Miss Not Perfectly Fine

August 9th

It had been 17 days since the world started to hate me and, though things have gotten a little better, nothing was back to normal.

The day after my friends posted those videos about me, Taylor showed me Reneé's post on TikTok. She had called Maddie out.

i don't fucking know who these girls are but skylar has never called me to tell me embarrassing stories or insecurities that her friends have so um yeah. maybe you all should get a fucking life instead of trying to cancel the sweetest girl ever without knowing the full truth. okay bye.

Taylor didn't let me read the comments so I have no idea what people think about this. Do they believe her? Do they think Reneé's a bad person now? I needed to know but no matter how many times I begged Taylor, the answer was always a no.

In the next week, my other friends — both from my old school and the high school that I spent my senior year at — posted on their social medias, debunking the claims that Maddie, Jazmyn, and Makenna made. However, people don't like to believe anything that proves the more interesting claims wrong. From the way Tree and Taylor have been talking, I don't think it has gotten any better. Maybe some people have believed them but I'm guessing most still despise me. I don't blame them. Once you get an impression that someone's not a good person, it's hard to see them any other way. Everything you see them doing starts to look bad in some way.

Miles visited me a couple of times last week to check in on me, which I appreciated a lot. There wasn't a way for me to talk to him without my phone so I really missed him. We talked and caught up with each other before cuddling and watching a lot of Christmas movies. Why Christmas movies? Because Christmas is my favorite holiday and I like to do Christmas related things in the middle of summer.

Today is the last night of the US leg of the Eras Tour and, as much as I am still terrified to be out in public, I have decided to go watch in the tent. I've avoided any public appearance since the Seattle show; I've always either been at home or in Taylor's dressing room. My hope is that the news has gotten old for most people and therefore, less people will be throwing their things at me or screaming at me that I'm a horrible person.

"Are you sure you wanna be out there? I don't want you out there if you're not 100% sure." Taylor asked me for the fifth time tonight as I checked in the mirror one last time to make sure that I looked presentable.

"I'm sure. It's the last night for a bit. I wanna watch." I looked at Taylor and gave her a smile to convince her that I'll be fine.

"Okay. You ready to go?" She stood up from my bed and headed towards the door.

"Yep," I said and walked out the door with her.

When we got to the stadium, Tree greeted us with her usual smile before leading us to the dressing room. Taylor and Tree talked about tonight's schedule as I followed behind them.

"Hey Tree," I whispered once we were in the dressing room and Taylor was in the bathroom changing.

"Yeah?" Tree turned around to look at me.

"Do you know where my phone is?" I asked. I haven't had my phone in over two weeks and as a screenager, it was absolute torture. I was desperate to have my phone back to mindlessly scroll on when I'm bored, to talk to my friends about the most random things, and to stay up to date on whatever's going on in pop culture.

"I don't, sorry," Tree looked at me apologetically.

"Can you tell her to give it back to me?" I gave her my best puppy eyes.

"I think she should keep it for now," Tree said.

"I agree," Taylor came out of the dressing room and looked right at me.