50 Shades of Drake 5 and 6

Chapter Two

    These days, Aubrey treated Destiny as if she were a figurine made of glass. He was gentle with her. Affectionate. He kissed her, held her hand, and didn't push her beyond that. He said that she needed time to mourn, time to heal. It was a need that he said he wished to respect. Somehow, him treating her so well only served to make her feel worse. About all of it.

    I'm not just healing, she thought while seated beside Aubrey on his private jet. I'm not just mourning. Not only do I miss Brian, but I feel like I am the cause for him no longer being on this Earth. And there are some days when that guilt is so overwhelming, that I think it would just be easier if I... She peered out of the small, rectangular window at her right elbow. Her gaze lowered down to the wispy clouds under the wing of the jet. It should've been me. Not him. It should've been my life that was taken that day.

    Aubrey reached over and grabbed her hand.

    She glanced over at him and watched as he lifted her hand to his lips.

    "What are you thinking about?"

    I'm thinking that a man is dead because of me and I don't deserve to be here, with you, flying on a private jet...when an amazing man who should still be here is lying six feet under the ground. It hurt to breathe. It hurt even more to hold back the tears that wanted to come. She held them back anyway, and forced a smile. "The sky looks beautiful. The clouds...the way the sun is hitting them."

    His eyes were dark and unreadable.

    He sees past my bullshit, she thought, turning her head and looking out of the window again. He always does. Why do I keep thinking I can fool the most observant man in the world?

    "I keep thinking that you need me," he said quietly. "I know that you need time. Believe me, I understand. I just keep thinking that...one day you'll realize that you need me and want to be with me."

    She tugged on the scarf laced around her neck.

    "Destiny?"

    Closing her eyes, she replied, "I do want you. And I do need you. But what I need most from you, right now, is..." She pursed her lips shut. She couldn't even bring herself to speak the words anymore. It was an endless debate, one that had carried on over the past several months. The debate always ended with a stalemate. Today would most likely be no different. He never budged from his position; she never budged from hers.

    "Punishment," he finished for her. "You think that what you need from me right now is punishment."

    "Yes."

    "Even after everything I've told you, everything I've taught you over the past few months."

    "Yes."

    "Despite what I've told you, you still think that it was your fault."

    She looked away from him.

    He glanced across the aisle at Carlos, who was curled up with a blanket thrown over him and a royal blue sleeping mask covering his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that it wasn't your fault?" Aubrey asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

    "We don't have to talk about this," she insisted.

    "But apparently we do," he contradicted. "Because you still want to be punished for something that you weren't to blame for. You were there. At the trial. The man who was responsible for Brian's death? You looked him in the eyes in the courtroom. Now, he's behind bars and will be for the rest of his life. He is going to get the punishment he deserves. You? You're just someone else that he hurt. Someone else whose life affected by his evil actions."

    She stared down at her lap. "Every day I wake up, I wish that things could just...go back to how they were, before Palmer found out that we were investigating him. When it was just me and you, and we were happy. And Brian was alive. And everything was...better."

    "As much as we may want to, we can't go back," he told her, and there was a hint of nostalgia in his voice. The tone of his voice said that he also missed the simpler times. "All we can do is move forward. Move past this. What did I say, before we went to pick up Carlos? We leave the pain and the heartache behind. You also need to leave your guilt behind."

    Tears started at the corners of her eyes. "I don't know how."

    He squeezed her hand and leaned close to her. "You're going to be okay, baby. I promise. This time in California is going to be good for you. For us."

    She wanted so badly to believe him, but it was hard to believe that anything good could happen to her after everything she'd done.

    His arms circled around her and he pulled her close. "Whatever you're thinking, stop it," he whispered.

    Carlos shifted in his sleep and groaned. "Is this how it's going to be?" he asked, lifting up his sleep mask. "You two talking just to talk, and me getting no sleep whatsoever because of it?"

    "Sorry, Carlos," Destiny muttered, pulling out of Aubrey's embrace and wiping at her eyes.

    Carlos wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and stood up. "That's it. Aubs, me and you. We need to switch seats for a bit."

    Aubrey's brows furrowed. He glanced at Destiny.

    She shrugged.

    He rose out of his seat and bent over to kiss the top of her head.

    When Carlos was seated next to her, he pulled a hair tie from around his wrist and gathered his long, dark hair up into a man-bun. "You've been through a lot of shit, missy," he said, crossing one leg over the other. "We all have. But let me sum up a few things for you, so we can all get beyond all of the mopey shit, okay?"

    "Okay."

    "The world lost a fine ass man," Carlos stated. "Other than that man seated across the aisle from us right now, Brian was the finest man on God's green Earth. Okay? And he's not with us anymore, and that shit is sad. It is. I cried, and I don't waste my tears on anyone, honey. In addition to being fine as hell, he was one of the good guys. So trust me. I get it. I get that you miss him. I even understand why you would blame yourself for what happened to him, especially with that blonde skinny bitch you used to work with putting that negative shit in your head. But you didn't aim the gun at him. You didn't pull the trigger. You feel me? Aubs told you that it was Palmer's fault that Brian is gone. And it was Palmer's fault. No one else's." He paused. "Well, it was also the fault of the man who pulled the trigger, I guess. Definitely not your fault, though. Instead of blaming yourself for all of that shit, what you should do is be happy that you helped his last days to be filled with love and happiness."

    She started to speak.

    Carlos held his hand up and silenced her. "Before you launch into the whole 'I-dumped-him-right-before-he-died speech, we've already gone over that. He knew that you loved him, and he still loved you. His last words to you were that he valued the time he spent with you, and that he'd be okay as long as he knew you were okay."

    She closed her eyes and turned her head.

    "So...you need to be okay, Destiny. The world lost a sexy ass man. Trust that he's in a better place, and continue living your life."

    She smiled weakly. "The world, according to Carlos Villegas."

    He grinned, reached up, and slid his sleep mask back down over his eyes. "Damn straight."