Chapter 19:NERVE-RACKING

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Chapter 19:NERVE-RACKING

ROWOON KO

Seeing her slowly close the gate and hearing her footsteps paakyat ng stairs. I still was not moving in my position until I did see her inside of her house.

"K-kamuntikan na 'yun, Whew!"

I vent my back on the side of the gate. My sweat was very cold like ice water dripping from my body. My heart beats and feels like it is gonna explode anytime soon. My hands trembling it feels like no grip at all holding her bag.

"J-jam, what did you do to me?"

I feel like fainting anytime soon if she's still in front of me. This is the first time that I had this kind of feeling in my 20 years of existence. And this is the first time that someone made me like this.

"Jamila Kay Lopez. W-who are you?--- who are you in my life?"

My legs slowly weaken and it results in my fall from the wall where I am leaning. I sat for a long time because I couldn't find the strength to stand up and leave the place.

After half an hour of sitting on the ground, it feels like my strength has come back. I help myself to get up and slowly give my feet to step forward. Finally, I had the courage to leave the place.

Seeing my car under the pine tree patakbo akong nagmamadali buksan ang pinto at umupo sa driver seat. Ipinasok ko ang susi and started the engine.

"Whew! Grabe hindi ko kinaya ang mga eksena namin. Ibang klase parang nasa movie scene na nagkita ang mag ex. B-but we are not those lovers who broke up. We don't have any relationships either or anything na namamagitan sa amin. Ang strange talaga."

Dali dali akong umalis sa parking lot heading to guard house para makauwi na.

Nag stop muna ako sa pangalawang street para makapag release ng anxiety ko. I sip the water bottle in my backpack to ease the heavy feeling.

Huminga muna ako ng malalim at isinandal ko muna ang aking likod dahil sa panghihina. Yung tuhod ko nanginginig pa rin pati mga kamay ko.

I continue to drive when I'm more relaxed.

Nakarating na ako sa guard house and guards smiling at me seems like they happy seeing me come back. Inihinto ko ang kotse at ibinababa ang window.

"Sir, kamusta po? Nagkita kayo ni Ms. Kay?"

Hindi ako nagpahalata na I went from distress. I hid my feelings from them.

"Yeah, nagmeet kami kaso saglit lang kasi nagsara na agad ng gate. Hindi na kami nakapag usap pa ng matagal."

"Ganun po ba Sir, sayang. Balik nalang po kayo sa Saturday morning wala po siyang pasok ang alam mo namin maghapon lang siya adyan."

"Talaga po manong? Sige po punta po ako sa Saturday kasi ininvite din po ako ni Lolo yung nasa tapat ni Kay."

"Ahh okay sige Sir. Salamat po. See you!

"Thanks too! See you. bye!"

I closed my window and left the Village immediately.

I went home when I saw Yaya Min-ji waiting for me in the garden while drinking her chamomile tea. Nakabihis na siya pantulog with a full pack of night cream on her face.

Maingay ang yabag ng paglalakad ko dahil sa cement na may something sa loob kaya naririnig niya akong dumarating. Nakangiting nakatingin si Yaya. I smiled her back and waving my hand. Nakalapit na ako sa garden set where she is sitting.

"Yayy! Multo!" napatakip ako ng bibig sa nakita ko.

"Haha Korean beauty regimen?" dugtong ko na nakaluwa ang mata at nakabilog ang bibig.

"Annyeong Ro-Ro!" Nakangiti pero hindi niya masyadong ma stretch ang mukha dahil sa cream na nilagay parang mud ang kapal.

Sumagot ako ng Koreans to her, "Annyeonghaseyo Ajuma!"

Naka smile ako sa kanya hiding my true feelings. Alam ko na 'to kapag magsasalita ng language niya may gustong sabihin sa akin' to.

"Wow you look like Sadako! Sakto naka white dress ka pa naman din. Nakakatakot!" teasing her para mainis at umalis na papuntang kwarto niya para hindi na ako kulitin pa.

Dahil mahaba haba na naman usapan 'to inaantok na ako sa pagod sa duty ko kanina at sa pagharap ko kay Jam.

I'm not in the mood to open up my feelings right now. I wanted to soak in my bathtub for a whole night to release all my stress.

"Ya - - Ajuma! Mianhaeyo  would like to rest. I'm really tired today."

To avoid her, I started walking away from her and waving my hands at the backs of my head.

I looked back quite often to see if she would help herself to come back to her room but still, she was in the chair looking at the night sky. Feeling relaxed.

I smiled and whispered "Sarapbuhay!"

Walking in the hallway is so quiet and I can't help but feel sad again at that moment.

"Ang heavy! Nakakabingi ang katahimikan, hindi ko kinakaya para akong mababaliw. Lately nagkakaroon ako ng mga episode ng anxiety attacks and if still going on will lead to depression." I sighed heavily.

I hold my head in my two hands while climbing the stairs and see my shadow on the floor.

"Hindi magtatagal ipapasok na ako sa mental."

Dumaan ako sa room ng parents ko then kay Noona Han-nah and then my room. Then the other side are 3 guests room I choose the last one cause it's more quiet and more relax kasi hindi ko masyado naririnig ang mga nagkwekwentuhan sa hallway.

I don't hear any noise from my parent's room and also Ate Han-nah's room as well.

"Super asleep na sila."

Kaya dahan dahan na akong naglalakad para hindi maka disturb.

Finally got in front of my room and hurriedly went inside and went immediately to the bathroom to immerse in the bathtub and relax before sleeping.

I almost slept in the bathtub pero nagigising ako kapag nadudulas ako at nakakainom ng tubig. I dried my wet body and hair. Immediately changed clothes and went to bed.

"Ayaw ko ng mag isip pa ng kahit ano!" reminded myself

I turned off the lampshade and closed my eyes. Pero pabaling baling ako hindi na ako dalawing nang antok samantalang nasa bathtub ako nakakatulog na ako.

"My goodness I want to sleep na! Pagod na naman ang araw namin bukas."

"Jam please alis ka muna sa isip ko."

Bumaling ako sa kabila then sa kabila ulit then bumalik ako sa dati.

"Bukas mo na ulit ako kulitin sa isip ko."

It has been almost one and a half hour since I felt my eyes shutting down.

I didn't know that I had been sleeping when someone woke me up cause it was already morning and I need to get up and hurried to shower to take a bath.

Again, morning routine. Morning talk and morning seeing someone with strict rules.

Hindi ko na pinansin pa. Kumakanta nalang ako para hindi ko na siya marinig pa. Ayun tumahimik.

"Haha basag trip si Yaya Min-ji!" smiling on her

"Hindi nakapalag, asan ang batas militar mo haha." Yes, I'm still smiling at her. 

 

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