Pretending To Live(Liam Payne/ One Direction fanfic)

Missed

*TWO WEEKS LATER*

Sarah's POV~

I looked at the sleeping Gaby in the chair and gently unhooked myself from the machines that I was set up to, the ones that have been my food and water source for the last two weeks. I tiptoed out of bed, grabbed my phone and went to the bathroom, I locked the door behind me.

I sat down against the bathroom, my eyes closed as I thought about everything that's happened. I was still having a hard time processing all that's occurred; near death experiences, being abused, the car accident, being raped, and now this...the aftermath. It was a lot to take in. Thinking about it made tears well up in my eyes, my throat was burning, my heart was breaking.

What Ryder did to me erased all the good memories I cherished of him, I hated him and I can look at him the same way ever again. To think that the my first love would do something as horrible broke my heart and my judgement, I now doubted anyone who showed any concern towards me. The only people I cared to trust were Gaby, Betty, Alex, and Liam.

Gaby and Betty told me that Liam gave Ryder a beating after he smashed my head against the wall. They told me that Ryder ran before security could catch him, but they are searching for him.

I was told that Liam didn't want to leave my side, he didn't want to go on tour and they had to practically drag him out of my hospital room. Liam has sent me texts every since he left, I receive at least fifteen texts and five phone calls throughout the day, but I never responded.

I AM TOO ASHAMED!!

I can't ever look at Liam like I used to and I'm pretty sure he can't look at me the same, I don't blame him. I'm broken, dirty, used and he doesn't need someone like me. I will just ruin him by forcing him to stay with me, I always end up ruining the lives of people who care about me, take my parents for example. If it wasn't for my existence, they would be happy and living the good life, they wouldn't have to worry about being angry all the time and punishing me.

I would love to talk to Liam and have him hold me in his arms, telling me that he's gonna protect me and won't let anything happen to me ever again. I would love for him to kiss me everytime he noticed my change of mood. I would love nothing more than for Liam to tell me that....

HE CARES ABOUT ME!!

I got up, took off my hospital gown and looked at my reflection in the mirror, I hated what I saw. The left side of my face was bandaged up as well as my head. I had bruises all over the right side of my head and some parts of my neck. My skin somehow lost it's glow, I looked pale. My eyes lost its color, they weren't the vibrant brown that I loved even though of the pain I've endured all my life, they didn't look like the eyes of a fighter. Now they were a dull brown, you can see everything through my eyes now, they showed who I really was as a person...weak and pathetic.

My gaze shifted down to the rest of my body. My left hand was in a new cast and my right leg was now in a cast. There were small bruises all over my body from the car accident and then I finally noticed the bandages on my inner thigh.

I gently touched them, wincing in pain and I stopped, I gripped the sink hard as I fell to the floor crying. I already hated my body, I accepted the fact that I was ugly, but he made it worse. Ryder not only scarred me emotionally, he scarred me physically and forever.

I remember him cutting me when I wouldn't let him touch me. I put up a fight and he didn't like that, I screamed and screamed, then I remember blacking out. When I came back, he was hovering above me...he was inside of me and placed rough kisses on my neck. Once he was finished, he threatened to kill me if I told and before he left, he sent me a sick smirk and said that I enjoyed it.