Moving Forward

15. In Jimin's Room: The First Snow

Taehyung walked into Jimin's room at 10 PM after a very long and tiring day. It wasn't their schedule to come over and he was by himself. As he entered the door he felt comforted by the sight of his friend, sleeping soundly as usual and breathing. He sat next to him and placed his hand above Jimin's heart. It was beating softly.

"Hello, Jimin-ie. How are you today? You have to get up now, it's Christmas. Let's go snowboarding." Jimin's room had a large Christmas tree by the window and it was lighted, spreading a glow of blue and silver around the room. The mantel above the fireplace was also decorated with an elaborate garland of fresh purple and crimson blossoms. The scent of pine and flowers filled the room. "You should see your room, Jimin. Your mom outdid herself this year."

His phone rang, he had forgotten to put it on silent. He had been receiving calls and messages all day.

"Appa," he answered his dad. "I'm okay. I'm at Jimin's. I'll probably sleep here. See you tomorrow?" It took some convincing to assure his dad. Since the accident they were always worried about him. When he could begin working again, they alternated calling him several times in a day. It had gotten better now and he only received a call once or twice.

He got up, showered and changed to Jimin's clothes. He walked around barefoot, settled on the couch and started checking his messages. There were more than thirty - he had a lot of friends - and he began answering each one. I'm okay, he typed, let's forget about it. There were also missed calls from the members and his Wooga Squad. He would call them later, or maybe tomorrow.

He had been in a press conference that afternoon, for a movie that he and his Park Seo Joon-hyung were making together. His was just a supporting role but he was happy to be working with his friend again. Everything was going well until a reporter directed a question at him about Jimin. He asked how Jimin was. He asked how it felt that everyone else had fully recovered except Jimin. He asked what he would do if Jimin never woke up from his coma. The questions came out of nowhere and had startled him. Although he was trying his best to look calm, he couldn't answer right away and was dangerously close to tearing up - on live broadcast. He eventually replied that they were all hopeful that Jimin would also recover completely. Seo Joon was so angry at the reporter that he wanted to confront him after the press-con. That would have just made things worse, Taehyung thought. By the next hour the footage had gone viral, and all media agencies were airing the scene, commenting on how he was still very much affected by what happened ten years ago. They started showing footage of the accident too. It was a nightmare.

He needed a drink. He went to the living room and raided the bar. Jimin's parents had already retired to their room for the night and the living room was empty. They probably didn't know he was there. He found one of his and Jimin's favorites, absinthe, and made a concoction for two. He sat back on the couch and sipped, allowing the green liquor to calm him. Outside the windows snow began to fall, the first snow of the year.

He let the tears come, finally, after holding it in all day. Since the accident he had done a very good job of holding himself together, at least in front of other people, but lately he was beginning to come undone. He had always been in pain after the accident, and he had learned to live with it. The doctors said it was an after-effect of the injuries and would come and go. He was prescribed pain medication, which he only took if things got really bad or if he had to shoot long action scenes. But there was a pain that no medication could numb, and it was pressing down on him harder and harder as the days wore on.

They had spent months here in Jimin's room, talking about moving forward. He had tried his best to believe in that future they were planning, even if he knew deep inside him that he was already anchored to this room with Jimin. Regardless of where he went or what he did, there was no moving forward for him if Jimin remained in this state. His life was tied to his best friend's and lately he felt that that life was fading.

He stood up and lay by Jimin's side. Since they were in their teens Jimin had been there for him, laughing with him and crying with him through all the things they experienced together while training for BTS and the years of hardship and success that followed. He had been his constant support and he would not have made it without that friendship. He put his arm across Jimin's chest and held him close.

"Jimin-ah, things are getting really hard for me these days," he whispered, confessing. "I can't tell anyone because I don't want them to worry. I need you to wake up now, Jimin. I'm sorry, but seeing you like this is killing me." He regretted saying it. What if Jimin could hear him? But he really needed his friend and there was no one else he could tell.

"I keep asking myself if I caused this, if I did something wrong that night. If I didn't hold onto you maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe you'd be okay, like the rest of us." It had always been a nagging question in his mind. Seeing that all of them had recovered, he kept thinking that maybe he should have just let Jimin free-fall. Maybe he would have landed better. "Did I do this to you, Jimin? Please, please wake up." He was shaking from the pain and held his friend closer, crying into his shoulder so that he would not be heard outside.

Later that night he dreamt the same recurring dream. Jimin was walking along the platform before him, with stars all around them. He turned to Taehyung and smiled, waving goodbye as he slowly faded into the light. Taehyung reached out to stop him but was suddenly awoken by someone calling his name. He opened his eyes and saw Jimin looking down on him, asking, "Gwaenchana?" Jimin was wiping the tears from his face. He just nodded and went back to sleep.

When he woke up it was almost noon. He sat up slowly, holding his head in his hands. The absinthe had given him a hangover. Outside it was still snowing. He decided to get back to bed, pulling up Jimin's covers to his chest. Then he remembered he promised his dad he would come home today. He got up again and headed to the shower.

On his way out he tapped Jimin's foot and it moved. "Good morning, my friend," he greeted him. Before he could turn around, Jimin's mom and dad rushed into the room followed by nurses.

"Jimin-ah!" Mrs Park spoke his name repeatedly as she leaned onto the bed and caressed his face. Mr Park stood beside her, his hands on her shoulder, his tears flowing freely.

On the bed he had lain on for ten years, Park Jimin heard their voices and opened his eyes.