Moving Forward

18. Seokjin

I headed to Hitman Bang's with a new batch of ingredients to cook. Pasta this time, with a salmon main course. I brought a lot, because it would not just be the two of us tonight. I asked if I could bring Namjoon and Yoongi with me. We had many things to talk about.

When I got there, they were already seated at the couch near the dining area with Bang PD-Nim.

"You're late again," he called out, motioning for me to come over and take a seat.

"You're early," I told Namjoon and Yoongi as I sat across them and beside Bang Si Hyuk. Namjoon was formally dressed in a brown linen shirt and black slacks, while Yoongi was wearing his signature all black sweats and beanie. It had been a long time since we all sat together like this.

"You didn't miss much. We were just catching up," Namjoon assured me. He told Bang PD-Nim that we had gone to see Jimin and that he was doing well. Hitman Bang wiped his eyes and looked away for a long while.

"What do you want to do now?" he asked us.

"We want to have a Muster," Namjoon answered. "So many things have been left hanging and we want to sort things out."

"Let's not charge tickets," I added. I wanted ARMY to come without having to spend anything. This may be our last meeting with them and I wanted all of them to be able to join. We could livestream, as we had done before.

"I think we did something wrong, and we've been doing things wrong since the start." Namjoon felt strongly about this in our discussions at Jimin's. "Is it possible to engage ARMY too much? We've delivered content non-stop as BTS. At first I thought it was only us that were affected. Our lives were literally lived on camera for all ARMY to enjoy and we had no time or ability to be ourselves anymore. But then it was not just us, we've occupied their lives constantly too. They've become too connected to us, but not for the better - at least not that night."

"We want ARMY to have a life outside of BTS, to have goals beyond just buying the next album or going to the next concert. We want them to achieve something, rather than be trapped in a loop of endless videos from us." Yoongi had always felt the as strongly about this as Namjoon. In fact some of our songs contained their warnings to ARMY to stop focusing on us.

I knew that Bang Si Hyuk understood what we were saying. But it was a system employed for the success of BTS and also of BigHit, to have continuous streams of content to keep our market engaged and interested in purchasing what the company was offering.

"We can set new standards, new values. I've been thinking along those lines too, but are you starting something or ending something, Namjoon?" Bang PD-Nim asked. Namjoon couldn't answer.

"I know we only discussed a fan meeting, but I think we should begin with this and push forward with our new realizations. We've grown, we've learned a lot these past ten years. We have different things to share now. We can be a different group, maybe we can even be ourselves, finally." I don't think the fans ever realized how much we were fit into a mold and were not allowed to break away from it.

"One thing I will always be thankful for is you allowing us to be honest in our music," Suga told our former boss. "We could always freely express what we felt."

"You can make new music now, and be a different band. This doesn't need to be an end but a beginning."

I stood up to make dinner and Yoongi followed me. We split the task and worked quietly, leaving Namjoon with Bang PD-Nim to discover what our new direction should be. Although I was the eldest among us, I left the leadership to Namjoon. He was appointed for a reason and that reason became more evident as he grew to fill those shoes. He did a very good job and deserved my respect. I have always taken it upon myself to support him quietly in the background and felt an inner fulfilment in that role.

We called them both to the table after we finished cooking, and as we sat down to eat Namjoon looked at me and Yoongi with a new fire in his eyes.

"You and me, a better world," he said.