Moving Forward

20. Hoseok

We were seated on the floor of Jungkook's dance studio, trying to decide which three BTS songs we would be using for the muster. Our almost 40-year-old bodies would be dancing to choreography made for us when we were in our 20's, what a sight that would be. It could be a chance to embarrass ourselves, or it could be fun.

"Baepsae?" I asked. No! was the resounding answer. Jimin was seated at the center of our circle, doing stretching exercises.

"No More Dream is easier," Suga suggested and Jungkook agreed.

"Why don't we try it? Do you still remember the steps?" I had no doubt that Jungkook and Taehyung remembered everything. We all stood up and I turned on the music.

"All shoulders and hips," I heard Taehyung muttering as he moved to his position.

We started and looked at ourselves in the mirror, as we always did whenever we rehearsed in the past. I don't know if it was just me but we were giving off a different vibe at the dance break. I looked at Taehyung, still wearing a dress shirt and formal slacks since he had come from a guesting. The combination of the partially unbuttoned shirt, the fluid moves of hips and shoulders, and his smouldering expression aimed directly at whoever was in front of him was too lethal. Jungkook saw it too.

"Stop! Let's choose another song." Jungkook turned off  the music.

"Why?" Taehyung asked, just when he was beginning to get into it.

"You'll kill ARMY, Taetae!" Jin laughed.

"I think we'll all kill ARMY with this." Mature BTS was giving off mature vibes. It was pretty cute when we were younger, now we looked illegal and would probably be sued.

Jimin had stopped even before they all did and moved to the side. He slumped to a chair, already tired before we even finished one song.

"Let's continue this some other time," Namjoon said after seeing Jimin catching his breath. "I have to meet my manager."

Everyone took the cue and headed out after hugging Jimin and encouraging him to keep trying. Taehyung, Jungkook and I stayed.

"It's okay, give it some time." Taehyung whispered to Jimin's lowered head. He looked up and nodded.

"Why don't you guys get us something to eat," I asked them both. I needed to be alone with Jimin. We had been roommates for many years and I knew everything about him. He needed help and looked quite frustrated.

When Taehyung and Jungkook left, Jimin turned to me. "Hobi, I don't think I can do it. But I really want to, I want to dance."

"We all know how hard you work, Jimin." In our earlier years Jimin could go without sleep just to practice our choreography. "But you have to realize that your muscles haven't been working for years. Taehyung is right, just give it time."

Jimin shook his head. "No, I have to dance at muster. The fact that it's been ten years, I don't understand how that could have happened. But I want to make up for it with ARMY. They haven't seen us for such a long time, Hobi. I want to show my best."

"What did your doctors say?" He was willing to help Jimin as long as it was medically safe for him to push himself.

"They say to take it easy, I can't accept that." Jimin looked around the dance studio, which was smaller than what we were used to at HYBE. "I want to do my solo, I Need U."

"Oh, Jimin." That seemed like a dream to me. That choreography would require all his muscles. It was a beautiful piece he performed years ago. He was all in white, dancing with a silk cloth that made his moves ethereal. He looked like an angel with wings.

"I really want to, Hobi. Can you help me?" His eyes were pleading.

"What if you over exert yourself and something bad happens? Your health is the first priority, ChimChim. We may do other musters, we haven't really decided on anything final yet."

"But if we don't, this would be the last chance. I don't want to miss it. And I want to show ARMY that we're all okay now." Jimin's face reflected his disappointment at himself.

"I understand how you feel." Of course we all wanted to show ARMY our best after all these years apart. It was still up to debate on how far we could go, but Namjoon was working on that with Bang PD-Nim. If we would be allowed to perform BTS songs, then we were ready to put in all the effort needed to present the best stage.

"Okay, Jimin-ie." I looked at him squarely. "But you have to promise me, tell me if something hurts, if you're not feeling well, or if something's wrong. I will not see you get hurt again, Jimin. You and Taehyung, or any of us. We've had enough of that for one lifetime. Do you understand me?"

"Yes!" Jimin's voice was firm.

He really wanted this. He would do whatever was needed to get back into shape, and he trusted me to take him to that place where he could fly again onstage. I looked at my dongsaeng and was moved by his determination. I had never seen Jimin weak before the accident. Although his frame was more lithe than muscular, his numbers were always bold and breathtaking. I would do anything in my power to make sure he didn't fall again.

Suddenly I understood what Taehyung did, why he risked his own life to protect Jimin. It wasn't something one needed to think about. You protect the ones you love, you catch them when they fall. And if you can, you help them fulfill their dreams.