The Corruption Of Our Souls

XII

I slide the paper back into my journal and slam it back into my bag then jump up when the sound of the bell rings, and walk out the school plugging in my headphones. As soon as I reach the main road, I'm disturbed.

'Hey!' the same soft deep voice shouts my name, i turn around smiling, knowing its Nate, and he smiles back walking towards me, however his face is filled with pain.

As we walk along side each other, I can tell he's holding something back.

He looks down at the floor then speaks up. 'When you're in the present stuck in the past, how can you ever expect to live in the future, there will be no future.'

'What?' I say bluntly. What the hell is he on about?'

'It hurts to think I'm not even present tense, im just past tense, you're done with me' I realise somehow he saw what I wrote and i scurry through my bag and the paper is nowhere to be seen, he holds it out in my left hand, my initial reaction is to grab it, but whats the point, he's already seen it.

'I don't care if you crash and burn, and I don't care if i crash with you, i'm not here as something to protect' I cut him off immediately.

'I'm trying really hard not to cry over you because every stupid tear is a reminder that I don't know how to let you go' I admit ashamed.

'what happened to you needing me in your life?'

'I realised I was being selfish, I don't want to hold you back'

He holds my hand and places the note in the centre of my palm, holding on to me. He smiles subtly before turning around and walking away.

My heart disintegrates scattering all over the floor, and there it is, the sharp pain deep in my stomach.

I walk up stairs to my bedroom and shrug off my bag and coat as the paper falls to the floor. I fall onto my bed and sink into the soft mattress slowly drifting into a deep sleep.   As I wake up, I glance at the floor to see the small folded up piece of paper, slugging out of bed, I pick it up and fall back onto my bed, slowly opening the paper to see the mess I made. I frown as I see a difference to the page, as I read through my destructive words, i get to the end. And I need to stop loving him, a small arrow shoots off from these letters to another sentence in different handwriting reading:

We never stop loving; we just learn to live without them. Love is like giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. I trust you, Sav. 

I stare blankly at the page, shocked and mesmerised, that boy has a way with words. My heart pounds and I begin to feel hot; I change out of college clothes and shrug on ripped skinny jeans, and a dark green loose long sleeve before grabbing my phone and heading out the door.

Somehow I find myself at my spot, engulfed by the darkness of the pier, I slowly breathe in the cold crisp air. I'm so glad I live by the sea, I don't know where I'd go if I felt like this when I was in a city. I put my hand to my right to find a variation of pebbles laid beside me, all different shapes and sizes and shades of brown and cream, some smooth, some rough, all individually beautiful.

I stand up, steadying myself with the wall behind me and brush off the excess sand which has stuck to my backside before trudging back up the beach. I notice Nate's beach hut looks in use, the same fairy lights draping across the top of the inside of the hut. I know I shouldn't but I can't just leave after we left things today, and after what he wrote on my note.

 I walk up to the door to find it placed slightly open letting small beams of light shine through, I peer into the hut quietly to see if he's inside, the door creaks as i attempt to slide through. He's sat with his back to me cross-legged looking at the wall, but instinctively spins around in response to the creak of the door. It takes me a moment to absorb the situation.