The Corruption Of Our Souls

VIII

When i gaze at the clock, its 9pm, I can't bear to stay confined in this space, i chuck on a black hoodie and go down stairs.

'Mum i know this sounds crazy, but please can you let me get some fresh air, I feel really claustrophobic'

She sympathetically looks at me 'Be back in 15'

I walk the lonely streets, nobody to be seen and not a sound to be heard. It reminds me of the night walking home from Dr Chapman's session, not giving a care in the world. Oh how everything has changed since then. I take a walk by the beach breathing in the sharp winter air, concentrating on keeping calm, trying to understand the situation. I look over to the beach huts, and as to my surprise, Nate's light isn't on, he must've gone to sleep early after today. It must have been quite full on in all ways. The wind picks up, shivering through me, and i wrap up in my black hoodie.

I enter the alleyway, shortcutting the main road, and leading me directly back home. As im walking along, I gaze up to see the stars, still in the same position, all align. For some reason, when i look up at the stars, it calms me, reminds me just how small I am, all the things i worry about don't even matter because at the end of the day, im just a spec on the timeline of the human race, gone unnoticed. For some reason, it calms me down.

As i look back down i feel a restrain, i can't move. Holy fuck, i can't move.

There's a digging in on my waist, something sharp and suddenly im hit against the wall by someone with immense strength, as i turn around, someone is in a dark hoodie holding a knife, a pen knife. I panic, someone is trying to mug me, I push him away from me but he bounces off the other wall, pushing into me, restraining my hands behind my back, he tries to rummage through my pockets, trying to find a phone or money, none of which im carrying.

I slip my hand out from behind my back and pull down the hood and exposing their face. I hear the sudden clank of the metal and he stands back, petrified by my face.

My eyes adjust. No, it can't be.

Nathan.

I stand there numb to everything around me, everything that's just happened. Once he realises it's me, he attempts to walk forward and comfort me, and with anguish i swing at him, left handed as he falls to the floor. I can't breathe.

'Is this what you do, you sick fuck' i tremble 'this is how you get all your money isn't it'.

I can't hear his response, did he even respond, holy, is he even awake. I don't care, he hit my head against a wall and tried to mug me, who have I got myself involved with.

I scurry around on the floor for the knife and fold it up, sliding it into my pocket and run home, teary eyed. Again, I sneak in the backdoor and run upstairs hastily before being guarded off by my mum.

'Back on time? Not much like you' she smiles, the light is so dim, i don't think she can see my expression of the tear stained face of mine.

'I'm tired mum, can i get past?'

She moves slightly as I walk past and then lock my door after entering.

My body is cold, senseless and broken. Shattered and cracked, i lie emotionlessly on my bed and stare into the corner of my room, monitoring my breathing, my ears block out all noise until i only hear white noise. The same scene replays in my mind, the sharp digging in my stomach, the fear when I pulled down the hood, the way he fell to the floor. Who is this person?

The hours pass by, the tears begin to fall. I don't feel real, I feel... Nothing. Rock bottom.

The blade tempts me again, reeling me in on the blood wrenching line, and again, I lay there, fragmented. I can't hold on anymore, it causes me too much pain.

I need

To

Let

Go.

a.n.

Okay holy crap, what the hell just happened.

In other news, one of my really close friends got cheated on today and I just wanted to say I really so fkin hate cheating, like its so pointless. You shouldn't be allowed in a relationship if you're going to go and cheat. Ever. You dont deserve the happiness, because if you think cheating is okay in any shape or form, you're fked up. Its so heartless and I cant express enough how much I hate it, it just crushes everyone around you. Im so mad right now, I need to calm down argh

Bye.