The Corruption Of Our Souls

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I sit under the cork tree at the front of the school, absorbed by 'To kill a mockingbird' taking in the summer air and the tweeting of the birds, I never really hang out with Kirsten and Jonah on free periods, they're either smoking or snogging, not much else. Erin is probably off finding some new boy to launch herself onto, so I end up on my own - which I don't mind, I like having space to breathe. I feel a throbbing form my hand and look down to see cuts and bruises around my knuckles. I slowly flex it trying to locate the pain to be greeted by a sharp pain as soon as I move it, I wince slightly and close my eyes.

'Sav?' A deep voice asks me. I peer up into the piercing sun to see a tall silhouette stood in front of me.

'Nathan?' I call back in hope of a response.

'No, Jonah you dick' He says crouching down next to me. 'Um, can I ask you something?' He says as he pulls out a small bag of what looks to be weed from his pocket.

'Only if you let me have some' I say staring right at the packet. He swallows hard and stares at me before lightly shrugging 'Sure.' He offers out his hand and I comply putting my hand in his as he yanks me from the ground. The sharp pain in my hand makes me wince slightly.

I never thought I'd ever come around to saying yes to drugs but I have nothing to life for. I know it sounds selfish, and I know there are other people around the world who don't get to choose whether to die or not, but I didn't purposely put myself in this situation. Jesus, I sound like such a selfish ass hole.

Okay, I've hit rock bottom, I don't know what to do, I cant live and I cant function. I need to feel something, even if its only a few minutes of slight happiness.

Its worth a shot.

We walk down the back alley, the walls slowly closing in around us, and the tension compresses between us until the dense bubble bursts.

'So um... What did you want to ask?' I stutter, staring sheepishly down at my converse.

He rubs the back of his head with his hand before looking over at me sympathetically. 'What happened to Nathan? Where is he?' He whispers slightly, trying to lighten the heavy question.

Tears well in my eyes but I push them back and take a deep breath. 'I don't know I suppose'

I just can't bring myself to tell Jonah what really happened, it'll make me look like a mess and I don't want all the sympathy people would potentially feed me, purely because I've been through something hard.

And it wouldn't be fair on Nathan, if he ever did come back (which is unlikely) he would get a whole backlash of hate.

Oh damn it, look at me, I'm sticking up for someone who almost killed me. I'm sticking up for a criminal.

'He, um - We got in an argument and he left.' I explain crossing my arms for protection. 'Just like that. Poof' I laugh slightly before dragging myself back to my messy reality.

'I just thought he would have said something or -' He pauses, slowing down slowly. 'It just doesn't sound like him'

We reach the back gate of our school and Jonah gets out another contraption thing of which he puts the green plant in and starts twisting from side to side, then revealing the smaller parts when he pulls it apart.

I sit on the wall staring back down the lane as Jonah prepares some shit I don't even really want.

A few moments later, he hands a roll up to me and brings out a lighter.

'Savannah, are you sure?' He says, watching me fumble with the roll up.

'Yeah?' I say bluntly, snatching the lighter off of him.

After what seems like a very dizzy walk back to the front gates, I flop back down under the tree and stare at the swirling people who still seem to be walking around. I feel like a child again, loosing track of time, I stare down at my watch to see it's still lunch. Why is time going so darn slow?

The more I focus on people, the weirder it gets, they morph into demons and then back again, and then to liquid, it all feels like a messed up dream.

I pinch myself harder than my intentions to try and break out of this weird dream but it doesn't stop, it just gets worse.

The scene almost becomes hilarious and I begin to giggle by myself, before laughing out loud at what seems like my pathetic life.

I cannot wipe the smile off my face; I have no reason to be smiling. The muscles in my face are purely stuck like concrete.

The whole world feels as if its corrupting, dragging our souls with it, into the deep vortex of misery, and my eye lids drag down forcing me to shut my eyes.

The voices slowly fade away and sleep seems to be the only available option right now.

I am awoken by the sound of a loud exhaust, almost making me jump out of my skin.

I look up to see a truck pull into the front car park, much like Nate's except sprayed charcoal with better wheels. I look back down at my book and loose where i was reading. Shit. My ears tune into the truck and i hear the door slam followed by music, i know this music. It was the song from the airfield day, 'diamond lightning' or whatever he was shouting. Oh damn it, why does everything relate back to him, did I not have a life before?

I look back up to see a young man, chizzled jaw line, dark blond hair wispy up and over his head, and a dark lip ring.

Nate.

Standing outside the truck, still as a church mouse, staring straight at me.

a.n.

The feels are so fucking real right now, and can I also just say its so hard writing about being high considering I've never been or plan to get high. Thanks Google, you helped a lot!

So i'm actually Going to update this a lot tonight because I need to start revising soon and I cant just drop my GCSE's to write (as nice as it seems) and that does mean that at some point I will need to put this on hold but when it does happen it will only be for a month at most, so I'm sorry in advance, lets just enjoy it while i'm still updating yah?

PEACE OUT

EM XOXO