Carnal Desire "The Awakening"

Chapter Ten

Tuesday, September 29th

SYDNEY

Later in the evening, we decided that Kiera was going to stay with me throughout the week and weekend. She wanted to make sure that I was in the right head space since I had decided to go back to work the following Monday.

At first she didn't think it was a good idea to go back so soon, but once I explained to her that if I stayed home, I would just be thinking about it more. And the thought of being around people might help to keep me distracted. I knew Keira was just trying to look out for me. And I love her for that.

Monday, October 5th

Having Keira here with me helped me more than I could have imagined. I enjoyed talking with her, even though sometimes I felt like a terrible hostess by staying in my room and only coming out in the evenings. Keira was a gracious guest, she would cook, clean, and ask me every few hours if I needed anything. Which I would always reply with a 'no'.

There were a few nights when I came out of my room, where we talked and laughed just like old times. But by the end of the night, it was all short-lived. There would be hours when I would try to gather the strength and attempt to get back to my old self. It would only last for an hour, sometimes two.

A few times, I thought I would get back to the way things were. I almost lost hope a couple of times. Luckily, Keira was there to pull me out of the pit I felt like I was slipping in. Her encouraging words and positive attitude brought back from my proverbial pit. Keira always had an eloquent way of speaking her mind. It's one of the things I love about her.

Yet, the one thing that hurt the most whenever I was alone with my thoughts was Jordan. As I would curled up on my bed, all I wanted was for Jordan to come walking through my door and just hold me. But she never did. I grew restless when I thought about her. Wondering if she was okay. Wondering if she thought about me as much as I thought about her. I needed her here with me. I needed her to hold me. I needed to be comforted and be in the safety in her arms. My heart broken, alone, and afraid. I couldn't continue to go on like this.

I needed something to fill the void. I'm happy I made the decision to go back to work today. Today will be a welcoming distraction from the chaos that my mind could create.

I awoke early this morning, without the use of my alarm. Excitedly, I went into my bathroom, taking notice that I was up before the sun. I did my usual routine, shower, brush my hair and teeth, got partially dressed, contoured my make-up, and finished getting dressed.

For my first day back, I decided to go with one of my favorite Dolce and Gabbana outfits. Starting with my open jacquard logo cardigan, my red skirt with the vertical black lace floral design in the front, three inch patent leather crystal toe pumps, and lastly, my Jacquard leather knit jacket.

Volumizing my hair, then putting it up into a bun, and then giving it tousled wavey look to finish. To complete the entire look, I put in my ruby and diamond halo teardrop earrings to add a small touch of flare.

I noted the time, 6:21 a.m., I still have plenty of time to before I have to leave. I decided to go downstairs and make myself a light breakfast. And if I'm being honest with myself, I haven't really been taking care of myself by obtaining the proper nutrients. It's not like I didn't eat. I just wouldn't eat as much as I should. On some level I knew that was part of why I felt exhausted most days. Yet, I didn't have an appetite. Which is why I probably feel so hungry right now.

Once I made my way to the kitchen, the smell of eggs and bacon filled the air. That's when I saw Keira standing next the stove, monitoring the contents in the pan. Keira looked up at me and smiled. "Good morning." She said cheerfully.