Dark Arrow

Chapter Thirty

TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM MENTIONED

"Rain?"

I paused, not entirely sure my voice was ready to work. I nearly hung up when I heard him sigh briefly down the phone.

"What's happened doll? I can hear you breathing. Talk to me."

"Is your mission done?" I asked shakily, playing with a loose strand of cotton on my shirt.

"It is now. What do you need?"

That was why he was my best friend, on more than one occasion he'd dropped everything to come and save me. Even if it was from myself.

"Remember the safe house I told you about?" He didn't know the details, just where to find me if anything ever went wrong.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Hurry Buck," my voice broke as tears started to well up in my eyes. "I need you, so does Nat." I hadn't seen her, but if I was this broken then I knew she wouldn't be faring much better.

I hung up the phone, my stomach growling in pain at me. I knew I should go downstairs and make something to eat, but I didn't want to see anyone. Especially not  Steve, I couldn't deal with that particular heartbreak right now.

I moved from the window back to my bed, hoping my exhaustion would finally allow me to get some sleep. Crawling into bed I sunk into the pillows, wrapping the sheets around me tightly. The bed felt almost too big, I'd gotten used to Steve being beside me. The thought of what I'd lost did nothing to help my mental state.

The tears flooded through me thick and fast, gut wrenching sobs muffled by the pillow I pulled over my face. The gaping hole in my chest did nothing but rip further open as I thought about him. About how I'd gone from hating him and everything he stood for, to loving the man behind the shield; the man I wanted to wrap me up in his arms, to tell me it was okay and he loved me.

I'd never have that again, that unconditional love I craved so badly.

Hours passed before I finally pulled my exhausted body from the bed. The need for food winning out over anything else. I slowly opened my door, listening for any voices downstairs. Thankfully I was greeted with silence.

I padded barefoot into the kitchen, avoiding all the creaky floorboards as I went. Get the food, get out, sleep. Three simple steps to get me safely back into my room unscathed.

Of course fate had a different plan, she always did with me. As I pulled the cereal out of the cupboard I heard the sound of his footsteps. I turned away, leaning against the sink to look out the window. His reflection in the window told me he was in pain, but I didn't know how to deal with that right now.

"Can we talk?" Steve asked, leaning against the counter.

"Make it quick, I promised Lila a bedtime story." I lied, using the first excuse I could think of to make this as quick as possible.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

I scoffed, looking up at the ceiling to blink back the tears threatening to fall.
"What was it you said? 'Not now' right?" I threw his words back at him.

He sighed taking a step closer to me, the scent of his aftershave wafting over to me. I squeezed my eyes shut as I fought every instinct to run into his arms.

"I didn't mean it in that way."

I finally turned to face him, letting him see the pain in my eyes.
"You pushed me away." Like everyone does eventually. "This is me staying away."