Dark Arrow

Chapter Forty Nine

Failure. It's a simple word with excruciating consequences. As we sat on the ground, still not quite believing what had happened, it began to get worse. The Guardians around us began to turn to dust. Tony gripped my hand tightly as I squeezed his in return. I knew in my heart, in that very moment that we'd lost. That everything we had fought to protect was gone. There was nothing we could do now, nothing except hope by some miracle the ones we loved were somehow safe.

"Tony?" I threw my arms around him. "What's happening?"

"We lost."

***

Three weeks. Twenty one days. With nothing but darkness and the bare minimum to survive. The Guardians' ship was damaged during the battle with Thanos, between Tony and I, we managed to get it moving. Just not far enough. As I laid curled up, accepting that this was how I was going to die, a bright light came from outside. In my weakened state I couldn't focus on what was happening, only that the ship was once again moving. Hurtling us back towards Earth, at least I hoped.

As the ramp lowered, Tony held onto me, both of us holding each other up. That was until Pepper and Steve came into view. Nothing could've stopped me as I threw myself into him. The fresh air filled my lungs as I clung onto him with all the strength I could muster. Taking in his scent and the warmth of his body beneath my touch was enough to soothe me.

He pulled back to look at me, cupping my face in his hands as his as he pressed his lips softly against mine. Both of us poured all of our love into that kiss, the kind of kiss you can feel right down to your very soul. For just a moment I managed to forget everything, for just a moment it was just me and Steve. Until the moment ended and inevitably my world came crashing down around me as I realised how many of us were missing. One in particular.

"Steve? Where's Clint?"

***

Bucky, Sam and Clint were gone. Three people that played a huge part in my life. The one that hurt the most was my brother. The one constant in my life, the one person who had never let me down. He was gone and I knew in my heart there was no bringing them back.

Tears of anger and grief fell down my face as I paced around my room. The compound was all but empty, everyone struggling with their own loss. Yet it was the place I was supposed to feel safe. Everywhere I looked it hurt.

Steve walked in, a worried look on his face as he took in the state of me. I hadn't even changed my clothes since coming back.

"Rain? What's going on?" He gestured to the bag I had open on the bed half packed.

I couldn't get the words out as I looked around for what I needed to take with me.

"Rain, slow down and talk to me please."

I threw my hands up in frustration. "What do you want me to say Steve? My entire family is gone!"

"You're not alone sweetheart."

"You don't get it!" I snapped, throwing the jeans I was holding into the bag. I turned to pick up a photo of Clint and me, the one that sat beside the one of him, Laura, the kids and me by the lake on his farm. "My entire life it has been me and Clint against the world! I can't do it anymore, not without him. I've lost too fucking much. I'm done."

He took the photo from me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Let me be there. Lean on me." He pleaded with me, the concern in his eyes was enough to break my heart even further.

I pulled away from him, in more ways than one. "You're just going to tell me it will be okay. Newsflash Steve! It's not okay!" I stormed past him, going into the bathroom to grab what was left that I needed to pack. "I'm sorry." I told him when I came back into the room. "I really am but I'm completely and utterly done. Find Thanos like I know you want to, or don't. It makes no difference, it won't bring my family back!"

I knew by the look in his eyes the second he knew I wasn't going to change my mind. I had lost so much, I needed to leave. I wasn't running, I wasn't leaving him, I just needed some space to think. To figure out how I was supposed to move on now I had lost my best friend and my brother. He couldn't understand that, I could see that with the way his face went from concerned to angry.

"You're not the only one that's lost someone. But my pain is nothing compared to yours right?!"

He stormed out before I could respond. He couldn't see that I was in no way belittling his pain or his loss. I was just too consumed with mine. I watched him walk away from me, leaving me completely alone as I collapsed to the floor.

The sobs came thick and fast, breath barely reaching my lungs. I howled, the pain encompassing me in ways I never thought possible. It was only a few weeks ago that I was talking about a future, finding a way to have my happy ending and now I had nothing. Steve had walked away, Clint was gone. There was no fight left in my body anymore, I didn't have the energy.

I barely registered being lifted off the floor or a reassuring pair of arms wrapping around me.

"Let it go little one." Loki cooed in my ear as he sat against the headboard of my bed with me in his lap. "Don't push it away, let the pain in and find a way to fight through it. I'll be right here when you do."

Time became an anomaly, I wasn't sure if it was minutes, hours, days or even weeks before the tears finally stopped. My eyes were stinging and my face flushed. As I looked up I found Loki smiling down at me.

"There she is."

"L-Loki?" My voice was hoarse, strained from the screams that had left my lips.

"You're here."

"I certainly am, and you don't get to check out on me like that. So go and get freshened up, I'll get us some food and we can figure out the next healthy step."

In other words, running or wallowing in self pity was not on my agenda. I nodded slightly before peeling myself off of him. I couldn't deny that I needed a shower and food, it had been far too long since I'd had either.

The spray of the water burned against my skin but I didn't care. It reminded me that I was still here. Maybe Loki was right, letting the pain consume me and crawling out the other side was the way forward. I could spend the rest of my life mourning what I'd lost, or I could do what I promised I'd do.

I could live my life to the fullest.

With a renewed sense of self belief I stepped out of the shower. I slipped on a tank top and a pair of sweatpants before I headed back out. Loki hadn't lied when he said he'd sort the food, about a fifty different takeaway containers were sitting on the floor at the end of my bed. A blanket and pile of pillows right next it.

"You realise I'm human right? There's no way I can eat all this."

He smirked. "Well it's a good job I'm a God. Now come and sit. Tell me what you've got planned."